* Posts by TeeCee

8254 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

BlackBerry's comeback: El Reg gets its claws on the QWERTY KEYone

TeeCee
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Re: New internet law needed...

Simpler than that even.

Betamax was owned by Sony and anyone wanting to make a compatible player or tape had to pay a license fee per unit to Sony.

VHS was owned by JVC and offered on a free use basis.

By the time Sony woke up, smelled the coffee and cancelled their rakeoff, it was too late. World + Dog was already churning out VHS stuff en masse.

Note also that while Beta was better in picture terms, VHS murdered it in sound. Technically it's a one-all draw.

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Nokia’s big comeback: Watches, bathroom scales, a 3310 PR gimmick, Snake, erm...

TeeCee
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Meh

Of course....

....if you really want a crappy stick with buttons and battery life that gives Methuselah a run for his money, then you could get something like the ZTE F320, which has the added advantage of 3G.

That has snake on it too and "free with cornflakes" pricing as a bonus.

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Git fscked by SHA-1 collision? Not so fast, says Linus Torvalds

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: That's not how hashes work

That's 6,600 years of CPU time.

If you have 6,600 CPUs, that's a year. If you're Google and have the equivalent of a medium sized country full of CPUs....

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Elon Musk promises Tesla investors Trump won't send him to Mars

TeeCee
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Joke

Re: At Tesla forever?

In that case, when he does end up on a Mars mission he can claim that he just didn't see it coming.

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Linux kernel gets patch for 11-year-old local-root-hole security bug

TeeCee
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Hmm.

dccp_v6_conn_request

I wonder if there's also a dccp_v4_conn_request in there? If so and that hasn't got the same issue, that would go a long way toward explaining why nobody noticed this 'til very recently.

Anyone?

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Radioactive leak riddle: Now Team America sniffs Europe's skies for iodine isotope source

TeeCee
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Facepalm

"...no one has owned up..."

"What happens if the authorities get wind of this cockup?"

"We'll all be royally fucked from now 'til hell freezes over."

"Hmm. Probably best to STFU and hope nobody works out where it came from then...".

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Google devs try to create new global namespace

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Spam Me Senseless

Except of course that "create a fake email address" is not the answer, just a very, very shit workaround to an inherent problem in the product that must be fixed before implementation.

.....and one that 99.99% of people won't either know how to or bother doing. It's a spamfest waiting to happen.

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TeeCee
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WTF?

Well this is already dead.

Shouldn’t it be possible to have the image flow directly from Facebook to Twitter?

Yes, 'cos those services aren't competing to pwn teh internets at all and just love their users to be able to hop seamlessly from the one to the other.

Presumably the expected implementation date is sometime after Hell freezes over?

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Love lambda, love Microsoft's Graph Engine. But you fly alone

TeeCee
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Coat

Re: I would rather drink bleach

Actually, what you need is a 7YO child who can explain it to an MBA earning 5 times what you do.....

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Zuckerberg thinks he's cyber-Jesus – and publishes a 6,000-word world-saving manifesto

TeeCee
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Re: Interconnected World

Thank you. You just saved me the trouble of writing something very like that, which would also have used the word "Cockwomble".

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'I'm innocent!' says IT contractor on trial after Office 365 bill row spiraled out of control

TeeCee
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Re: Devils and details.

It's Cloud, not Sheep.

I know it's confusing at a distance, but.....

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Prepare your popcorn: Wikipedia deems the Daily Mail unreliable

TeeCee
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Wow.

Bitchfight. Pot v. Kettle. Get your tickets and popcorn now.

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Super-cool sysadmin fixes PCs with gravity, or his fists

TeeCee
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Got the T-shirt.

As a known "guy who can sort your PC without having to go through the support process", a colleague called me over to have a look at her machine.

Boot failure with no disk found. I powered it off, lifted the front edge about three inches, powered it on and dropped it at the appropriate point in the boot cycle. Cue sound of disk spinning up and the machine boots normally.

"Wow. I'd have thought that would be more likely to break it than fix it."

"Well, it was hardly going to make things any worse. I suggest you copy your stuff off while you can...".

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'Webroot made my PCs s*** the bed' – AV update borks biz machines hard

TeeCee
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WTF?

... v9.0.15.50 has been deployed automatically to all of our WSAB customers ...

Well, apart from those machines that fell over and now won't boot as a result of the previous update of course.

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David Hockney creates new Sun masthead. Now for The Reg...

TeeCee
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Re: Sun circulation

Why bother? You may currently drive past an Asda petrol station, but that doesn't mean you have to go in.

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BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

TeeCee
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I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll run it again as it's relevant.

Some years ago I was in a meeting on the new corp password policy (minimum 8, at least one capital and number). I opined that as our users were a lazy bunch and thus likely to want one password and many of our legacy systems maxed out at 8 chars for a password, I could deduce the following: A 7 letter dictionary word, first letter capitalised and a number on the end, probably zero or one. I also suggested that with that sort of hint, any competent cracking tool shouldn't need to break step on the way in.

Looking at the expressions that produced on the faces around the meeting room table, I think I hit the jackpot.

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Google mistakes the entire NHS for massive cyber-attacking botnet

TeeCee
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Meh

Why?

I always like to use Occam's Razor in situations like this.

So, what's the most simple reason why Google might think they're a botnet? Their computers are riddled with crapware[1] and they are a botnet.

[1] El Reg articles passim ad infinitum.

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WTF is your problem, Netgear? Another hijack hole found in its routers

TeeCee
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Facepalm

The internet problem.

Your device's security was tested by half-a-dozen people working to a tight deadline.

Your device's security will be tested by thousands of people with nothing better to do until you throw it away...

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Doomsday Clock moves to 150 seconds before midnight. Thanks, Trump

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Cobblers.

The problem here is that it's all fatuous bollocks of the highest order anyway.

When the thing's 15 minutes or so away from DOOM, they move it in minutes if someone vaguely important says something rude. If you look back at when it's been moved and why, you can immediately see that it should have been well past midnight many times, or never got closer than about ten to, if there were any consistency to it.

Clickbait, 1950s style.

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TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: This is the year...

Why would you be carrying a desktop in the Aldi car park?

Is this a deliberate ploy to puzzle future people seeing your shadow? If so, can I suggest jumping in the air and striking a "walk like an Egyptian" pose as the nuclear flash goes off to really give them cause for thought?

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'Celebgate' nudes thief gets just nine months of porridge

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Seems about right, esp if he does the time.

...he did not intend to distribute it...

Says his lawyer, who'd probably coach his client in claiming an addiction to duck sausages in custard if he thought it would make a difference.

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Forget Tony Stark's Iron Man – exosuits of the future will be spandex

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: EAPs

..somethong that could be incorporated into a spandex suit...

Typo or Freudian slip?

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AWS offers $20 bribe to derps who buy old IoT condom-o-matic dunce dobbers

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Being installed in Whitehouse now

That would actually make more sense if the Clintons were moving back in today...

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Japan's terrifying techno-toilets will be made foreigner friendly, vow makers

TeeCee
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Can't be long now...

....before some smart-alec gives one of these things the obligatory IoT makeover and launches the connected khazi.

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Euro space agency's Galileo satellites stricken by mystery clock failures

TeeCee
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Re: @Hans1

I suspect that's incorrect and each needs at least three to be considered reliable enough to use.

With one the satellite has no idea in isolation if it's right or not, so it shouldn't offer its services for a fix. With three, if two agree and one does not it can be sure that the two are correct.

Hence four per sat, providing a redundant spare.

If I'm right, this is a real "brown trousers" problem for the ESA.

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BT installs phone 'spam filter', says it'll strain out mass cold-callers

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: Interesting development

A friend of mine went one better than that. He moved into a property that the local water authority insisted did not exist.

He got free water for five years. The fun ended when the water board replaced the main outside and the lads doing the job spotted that there was one more connection to it than their plans admitted to. They did attempt to bill him for the arrears, but he countered with a copy of the letter they'd sent to him, at his address[1], saying that the address didn't exist so they couldn't and wouldn't bill him.

[1] Warning: Upcoming paradox. Engage head explosion dampers before reading further.

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Nielsen, eat your heart out: TiVo woos admen with prediction engine

TeeCee
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Facepalm

TiVo board meeting.

"We can tell advertisers what people will watch and so who to target their ads at. They'll pay a fortune for that information!"

"Yeees, but all our data comes from TiVo users, who all use our handy ad-skipping feature to avoid watching them anyway..."

"We won't tell them that."

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Embrace the world of pr0nified IT with wide open, er, arms

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Bah!

Yes, it's true that even the high end lasers have gone all-in-one these days.

Back in the day, the business ones had separate toner, drum and fuser packs. Often the toner came in a tube or long box with a seal and required you to unseal it[1], ram it in a hole, jiggle it vigorously until all the gunk fell out and then withdraw the spent box for disposal.

[1] Carefully, or you could empty it prematurely and end up with sticky stuff sprayed everywhere.

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TeeCee
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Re: Laser printers are always “faster” and “last longer”

For some time now, Morgan's (the clapped-out box shifter) have been running a deal where you get a free printer if you buy enough ink or toner.

That says it all really.

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Weaky-leaks: Furious fans roast Assange in web interview from hell

TeeCee
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Facepalm

...to the point that it would stand up in court as whistleblowing...

Except it wouldn't. His admission that he only took the job to look for shit to leak makes it boring old espionage.

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TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

TeeCee
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I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Back in the days of Windows Mobile, MS made a truly brilliant product[1] for it called Voice Command. One of its best features was that, after asking it to call someone for you, it would read back what it was going to do and wait for confirmation to proceed. It's voice recognition and handling of dialects and foreign words / names was excellent too.

I'm continually amazed that while MS could apparently get it right on a sclerotic ARM core with sod-all memory, the likes of Amazon, Google (and MS - hah!) still can't while using powerful servers to do the job.

[1] Which, like all the best things to come out of Redmond, they then completely forgot to tell anyone about.

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Ransomware scum: 'I believe I'm a good fit. See attachments'

TeeCee
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Meh

Well whoop-de-do

.....consumer webmail providers like Google and Microsoft tweaked spam filters to filter out much of the inbound menace.

I can't help thinking that if they did that outbound as well, it would do rather more good.

A quick change in the law to make the bastards jointly liable with the sender for any damage caused by shit disseminated via their services ought to do the trick.

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Programmer finds way to liberate ransomware'd Google Smart TVs

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Bah!

Or you can prevent this sort of thing ever happening by installing this FREE!!111!!! ANTIVIRUZ SCANUR FOUR TELEVISHUN.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter how secure or not these things are, there's no defence against a gullible idiot with the admin password...

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The Register's Top 20 Most-Commented Stories in 2016

TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: @malle-herbert I'd love to see a top 20...

I have (and will continue to) made a point of avoiding any Brexit related forum like the plague.

Mostly because the antis are that odd breed: A bunch of raving fascists ("WE WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO THINK, HOW YOU SHOULD VOTE AND WHAT SORT OF GOVERNMENT YOU SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE EVERYTHING WE SAY IS RIGHT!") who make a point of calling anyone who disagrees with them a Nazi.

The obvious paradox is too likely to make my head explode.

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How Google.org stole the Christmas Spirit

TeeCee
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Stop

Just think.....

......what Google might be like if they were actually evil, instead of just entirely motivated by self-interest.

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Spotty battery life costs Apple's MacBook Pro its gold-star rating

TeeCee
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Stop

Hey! That fix works for the Ostrich...

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'DNC hackers' used mobile malware to track Ukrainian artillery – researchers

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Interesting

IIRC, during the Balkan conflict our army was busily purchasing mobile phones locally. That way they could actually talk to each other at distance, as the new secure radio kit they'd been issued turned out to be utterly crap in real world use.

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Huawei very happy to be on Map Of Tasmania

TeeCee
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Re: Cheeky Amanda Palmer reference?

Well, the term "mapatazi" has been documented in the profanisaurus for many years now.

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Eating Brotli will improve Edge's inner health says Microsoft

TeeCee
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Facepalm

I see. Which part of "pun" did you fail to understand?

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Raspberry Pi Foundation releases operating system for PCs, Macs

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: And it appears to be 3D skeuomorphic!

This has the real potential of becoming the operating system that _UNSEATS_ _WINDOWS_,

You've actually managed to get MS Office running on it????!!??

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MH370 hunters call for new search of extra 25,000km2

TeeCee
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Coat

Re: Obvious

It's always in the last place you look.

Well, it's not fallen down the back of my sofa...has everyone else checked?

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EU accuses Facebook of providing incorrect info on WhatsApp buy

TeeCee
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Holmes

Hang on...

It's been found that information from Facebook is actually factually incorrect to the point of being misleading?

Dear EU. Welcome to the real world...

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Uber's self-driving cars can't handle bike lanes, forcing drivers to kill autonomous mode

TeeCee
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Meh

As far as I can see, their entire business seems to be about generating hype by repeatedly breaking the law and getting away with it by exploiting loopholes in jurisdiction.

It's about time that the world's authorities decided that enough is enough, clubbed together and sent the entire Uber board to jail for life. Ensuring that they pick a jurisdiction to do so where hiring a legal weasel to bullshit you out of jail doesn't work. Poetic justice.

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It's round and wobbles, but madam, it's a mouse pad, not a floppy disk

TeeCee
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Mushroom

Oh no it bloody well shouldn't.

If I had a quid for every fucking time I've been asked to modify a document, only to find it's been written by some abject fucking moron who "doesn't do styles" I'd be giving Croesus a run for his money.

Everything formatted with spaces and carriage returns. Only one font style, which is umpty versions of "Normal + [interminable list of tweaks]". Looks perfect until you try to insert something, at which point the lack of anything resembling paragraphs or pagination makes itself felt and the whole thing immediately degenerates into illegible catshit.

The mystery to me is that as typewriters have been obsolete for some years now, I can't see where users are picking this shit up from?

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Meat pies in SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

TeeCee
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Coat

Re: Danger of falling pies

Only one way to deal with massed vegans.

Take off and pie the site from orbit...

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London's Winter Wonderland URGENTLY seeks Windows 10 desk support

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: But...

Give me the right set of applications and users and I'll show you how any system ever made can be royally fucked up.

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China is building a full scale replica of the Titanic to repeatedly crash into iceberg

TeeCee
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WTF?

Hang on, what's "alternate" about the reality of a trip to Swindon giving the experience of being at the battle of the Somme?

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TeeCee
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Alert

Does this mean....

....that some Chinese theme park is going to have a bloke whose job really is arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic?

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Remember that amazing video of the whale leaping out the gym floor and splashing down? Yeah, it was BS

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Hmm..

Let me get this straight.

Magic Leap produced a load of faked up vids of their non-existent "product", which were deliberately done in a way to make anyone seeing them think they were genuine. This resulted in millions of real dollars being invested in their fake product.

Isn't that just good, old fashioned fraud? The only new and clever bit in their business model would appear to be that nobody's had their collar felt yet...

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Fancy that! Google was keen on 'draining the swamp' in 2013

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Basically...

...there's money in that swamp, so there's no reason for Google to drain it.

Well, no more reason now that the "OMFG!11!! PR0N!!11!!" side of it's been sorted so the shrill bleatings from the likes of the Faily Wail have ceased.

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