* Posts by Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

1609 posts • joined 28 Sep 2007

What's the fate of our Solar System? Boffins peer into giant crystal ball – ah, no, wait, that's our Sun in 10bn years

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One things for certail...

One thing for certain, none of us will be around to see it...

IBM insists it's not deliberately axing older staff. Internal secret docs state otherwise...

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Re: Nice one, cheers

Yes, just like you didn't.

Cambridge Analytica sister firm pleads guilty, fined £21k for failing to obey UK information commish

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So it's actually pointless then?

So it's actually pointless because none of the scumbag directors of SCLE will be impacted or held accountable for this. As usual, they have abandoned the sinking ship like the rats that they are and will get way scott free, other than for some reputational damage that their own arrogance and denial will not let them accept anyway???

Real-time OS: Ordnance Survey gets snuggly with Intel's Mobileye

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I'm very disappointed in you all.

The picture element accompanying this story that focuses on "Bell End" is clearly an invitation by the author for us to use the comments section in a highly futile, pathetic and childish manner to highlight other British place names with rude connotations to them.

Cocking for example, which is in West Sussex.

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

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I was lucky enough to be invited to a few different peoples Xmas parties over the recent festive period. I was horrified however about how many (seemingly) sane people now have Alexa devices in their homes and seem to be prattling away to it with all sorts of inane requests. I was quite relieved to see how dumb it actually is, and how flaky it seems to be in terms of operation and understanding.

Same thing for Facebook to be honest. I was surprised to see how many people are still using it without a care in the world.

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

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More fuel if any is required...

More fuel then, if any is required, to be using a decent VPN service.

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

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Re: took the day off

Sorry, no. It's not normal at all. As the OP suggests it is actually incredibly bad planning. If either a PM or TM had been that lax on my watch, he would be out of a job for allowing such a basic oversight.

On Operational day #1 after a major migration or implementation you should be in a Hypercare phase or similar, whatever you want to call it - where ALL key support and admin staff for critical applications are available on a rapidized reponse basis to quickly investigate all issues that arise that may prevent business operations continuing.

To allow the sole admin or support contact for (what sounds like) a mission critical business application to be OoO on the first day after a major migration or implementation is a schoolboy resource planning error that should have been caught by your pre go-live checklist or G/NG meeting, and then captured as an issue to be impact assessed and agreed with stakeholders at the final Y/N before the migration started.

It just sounds like shit planning, as the OP suggests.

Corel – yeah, as in CorelDraw – looks in its Xmas stocking and discovers... Parallels

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More importantly...

What is a "golden egg chicken"????

Sounds like a #42 from my local Chinese.

Poor people should get slower internet speeds, American ISPs tell FCC

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Alternatively, and whilst I'm unbiased, you could look at this story a different way by stating that the ISPs want better financial to support for those with no, or very poor internet speeds. My assumption for this being that a circa 2010 broadband speed is better than zero broadband speed if you are in a rural or unserved area.

It's very VERY easy to get complacent about your 100mbps home line if you are in an urbanised or semi-urbanised location such as where I am. But between 2010 - 2014 I was living in the middle of nowhere where my line speed was approximately 0.3 mbps. Assuming it's gotten no better, if the urbanised average line speed in 2010 was 15mbps (just a guess) then I'd be more that happy with that if I lived in the arse end of nowhere.

Official: Voyager 2 is now an interstellar spacecraft

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This makes me feel incredibly poignant. Just thinking about where these two little pieces of cold war era tech are, and where they are going. It really puts the sheer scale of Space into perspective when you realize that they have only just made it to the edge of our solar system, and that beyond that lie another few billion in our Galaxy alone (happy to be corrected) and that they they won't get anywhere near the next object in it. It makes me feel VERY small. Just imagine how cold and quiet it is out there...

Well done little chaps. Happy trails. .

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Re: Salvage Rights

"Can NASA arrest property rights over them once they are dead, or would it be considered similar to salvaging a shipwreck in international waters?"

No, the girl and the cat in hypersleep whose readings are all in the green will put paid to any salvage rights ;-)

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

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US Bacon...

Yes, ok... eat the US bacon, even if it (IMHO) is not very good. Just don't question the horrific conditions the poor old pigs are raised in.

It's December 2018, and a rogue application can still tell your Apple Mac: I'm your El Capitan now

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Re: This kind of thing makes me very popular at parties.

Yes, Trisha McMillan told me you actually did go as Livingstone, rather than Darwin. Despite the Beagle being the obvious giveaway.

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The problem is...

The problem is... I don't want to use a Mac, and I use an iPhone because it's a better rock than the hard place of having a handset with an O/S from Google on it. So iTunes on Windows (whilst utterly shit) is the only viable alternative for getting all of my music on and off of the handset.

Unless anyone knows any different???

UK taxman told to chill out 'cos loan charge is whacking tax dodgers and whoopsies alike

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Because in all instances where your post poses a question, the answer that HMRC would give is "la la la, we don't want to hear you". HMRC see themselves as unchallengeable, and are utterly arrogant, aggressive and hypocritical in their role. It's easier for them to say that "as an individual, you are responsible for your own tax affairs" because it's easier for them to intimidate and threaten individuals rather than organisations - who have a tendency to bite back.

Fortunately, more and more individuals are now biting back, and biting HMRC hard, in a very public manner. They don't like this at all. Hence the additional scrutiny from the Lords as overall they are not morally fit and proper to execute AND mark their own homework.

Apple co-founder and former CEO has the most expensive John Hancock on the planet

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I don't really agree with you...

Despite the tongue in cheek cynicism that comes from El Reg articles... sometimes it is hard to tell. So I thought it a good idea to let everyone know that I disagree with the prevailing sentiment of Jobs.

I've always seen him more like a John Hammond type as per the first Jurassic Park movie.

After all that! Ofcom proposes BT as only broadband universal services provider for whole of UK (except Hull)

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Failure is the new success...

"You do not get it do you?"

Ok... so we'll forgive the arrogance considering the audience this website gets, but yes, I do get it thanks.

This is nothing to do with the actual provision of anything. It is all about money and funding. BT have had major civil "obligations" for decades, and have subsequently hoovered up billions in taxpayer funding; but still have not delivered anything other than the lowest common denominator of modern national communications infrastructure. This merry go round continues year in, year out, with Ofcom being the prime enabler. It works like this...

(A) BT get called out and hauled over the coals for delivering bugger all despite billions of civil funding. (B) Ofcoms response once again is to fail to produce any sort of viable, reasonable or long term national communications infrastructure procurement or delivery strategy. (C) Due to point B, and because they have no real talent, Ofcom "in consultation" with BT come up with a scheme that promotes "fairness and transparency" but that in reality, no-one other that BT really has a chance of winning. (D) BT win and the political snouts at the trough get fed. (E) Goto A...

So... BT are repeatedly being paid billions for their failures. Ofcom are complicit in this. This status quo suits the pigs at the trough. The public get shortchanged once again.

Tumblr resorts to AI in attempt to scrub itself clean from filth

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Considering all of the shite on Tumblr...

Considering all of the shite on Tumblr surely the easiest way to solve this is to ban everything and then approve content on an exception only basis rather than rely on some shonky "not actually AI" algorithm.

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

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Can't we just use...

Can't we just use a bunch of Subspace relays and stuff like they do in Star Trek? They seem to do not to badly.

Euro consumer groups: We think Android tracking is illegal

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Re: There is no real option to turn off Location History once it has been enabled;

You are preaching to the wrong crowd brother. Seriously, if you are so utterly and personally inept at life stuff that you need Google to help you with this "I find it handy for time billing. Knowing where I was when" then you really do get what you deserve.

The rest of us... I think we'd be just as happy without all of the subliminal tracking and data slurping thanks.

International politicos gather round to grill Dick, head of Facebook policy, on data slurping

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Boo Hoo...

"The firm is, unsurprisingly, furious that the British MPs have seen the documents."


"If they decide to shut shop in the countries that cause them trouble, the parts of the economy that unwisely based their business on these platforms will be damaged , which translates as fewer votes."

Again, what a shame. But forgive me if I decide to shed no tears whatsoever though. If I remember correctly, in the UK we try to run things on the basis of "majority rule" or a kind of utilitarian model rather than pandering to the wills of businesses that have seemingly put most of their business strategy into a single broken basket of rotten eggs.

Montezuma's Revenge can finally be laid to rest as Uber AI researchers crack the classic game

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Re: Confused.

Yup me too.

To be fair though, isn't that exactly what we do as humans though? We keep trying different approaches, discard the ones that don't work, and remember the ones that do? Anything else is the definition of madness.

Unless it's that final Giant Fireclaw in Horizon Zero Dawn : The Frozen Wilds. I've just not been able to beat that bugger - so have given up :-(

Apple heading for Supreme Court showdown over iOS App Store 'monopoly' gripe

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It's absolutely anti competetive

It's about choice. Can I sell my IOS apps via any other method than through the Apple app store without supposedly "violating the warranty"? No I can't.

Is there any other way I can sell my IOS apps without having to pay Apple 30% of my sales price for the privilege? No I can't.

Openreach names 81 lucky locations to be plugged into its super-zippy Gfast pipe

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Apart from being a shit hole, there are lots of old people and council estates in Worthing. whilst I'm not sure there is any correlation between the two, but they all love a bit of fast broadband.

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

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Re: Its about time

Indeed, and I'm kind of with you on this one - but I think you forget how important the UK is to FB. There is a good reason that its key EU offices are in two of the biggest native English speaking countries.

So... I get that it's the British way to be polite, and to not want to offend, and wait in turn etc etc, but at the end of the day I really don't see why we're just not threatening FB with being forcibly blocked at the network edge by all UK ISPs and network providers under some other archaic old privilege, statute or charter, or something...

Barnet Council reckons Capita's dropped the ball on outsourced services

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Capita said...

Capita said : "We recognise that all aspects of our all of our services to everyone, have not met any of the standards our clients expect, because we don't have any standards ok!!!" and then helpfully added "be sure that we are fully living up to our corporate motto which is "Capita : we never miss an opportunity to miss the opportunity to shine.""

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

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Thisa looka like...

This story looks exactly like a cat and pasta from another story I read somewhere ;-)

Oh, I wish it could be Black Friday every day-aayyy, when the wallets start jingling but it's still a week till we're paiii-iid

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Interesting that the first picture is of a row of washing machines because my current one has been on the blink for a while, and I have been waiting to see what deals would be on offer. I've just bought one online today that is a genuine £200 cheaper than it was a few months ago when I first thought I'd need to buy a new one.

I'm not buying anything else though, and I'm certainly not going anywhere near any physical shops until I absolutely have to.

Shocker: UK smart meter rollout is crap, late and £500m over budget

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Personally, I'm affluent enough that I don't really need to worry about gas or electricity usage. I'm happy to pay for what I use. Changing a few bulbs, keeping the freezer packed or replacing existing appliances that currently work perfectly well just so I can appear to save a the £ per month that I'd probably blow on a pint down the pub anyway - really isn't going to make much of a difference. I can't see how a smart meter would change that.

This whole program is flawed. What the NAO really needs to do is to (A) start to re-examine the business case, (B) identify which civil servants had their snouts firmly in the trough when it was approved, and (C) whom in the Civil Service is currently benefiting by keeping this shambles going.

Big data at sea: How the Royal Navy charts the world's oceans

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Thumb Up


Have been sailing for most of my life, and have used many different paper charts in my time including Imray, NV and others. But I have to say that Admiralty charts and other relevant publications such as the tidal streams and ocean planning atlases always come with a very warm additional feeling of "correctness".

Great article also El Reg.

EE, Virgin Media hit with £13.3m fine: Squeezing users for fees for early contract termination not OK

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Gaucho rides again...

Gaucho Rasmussen. It's a great name. I'm minded to think of him riding on a dusty old mule into Ofcom wearing a poncho, a bandolier, and a sombrero; gnawing on a cheroot whilst grimly scanning a copy of Kierkegaard.

'Unjustifiably excessive': Not even London cops can follow law with their rubbish gang database

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What I read in my mind was...

The Ms-Access Gangs Violence Matrix was set up on some no-name PCs desktop by the Metropolitan Police in 2012, and was deliberately kept off of the radar for obvious reasons.

Oz lad 'fell in love with' baby meerkat, nicked it from zoo, took it out for a romantic Big Mac

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Re : Weebl

It's not as good as the "Only in Kenya" one. Once that gets into my head I can't get rid of it.

iPhone XS: Just another £300 for a better cam- Wait, come back!

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"Famously, the XS and XS Max (be sure to call them "Ten S" or an Apple representative will sidle up and correct you) share the same A12 Bionic chip as the XR."

What's famous about that? I'm not normally one to pick up on such grammatical superlativisms - but it seems a bit of a stretch to say anything of the sort. Fish and chips are famous. The Saturn V rocket boosters are famous too; as is the Titanic, and Alexander the Great. There is nothing famous about the iPhone whatsoever as far as I can tell.

That said, if Apple had wanted it to be called a "Ten S" then they should have called it a "Ten S". As is stands, it is an 'X' as in the 24th letter of the alphabet, an 8 point tile in Scrabble, or "10" written as a Roman numeral. And yes, I'll happily correct any Apple representatives that dare challenge me on it lol!!!

Oracle's JEDI mind-meld doesn't work on Uncle Sam's auditors: These are not the govt droids you are looking for

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So I unfortunately still have a lot of dealings with Oracle...

So I've been reading humorous IT stuff and nonsense from the bilges of the good ship El Reg for a good few years now, but this statement must be up there as one the funniest and deluded things I've had the pleasure of snorting a mouthful of tea all over my keyboard over...

"We are convinced that if given the opportunity to compete, DoD would choose Oracle Cloud Infrastructure for a very substantial portion of its workloads because OCI delivers the best, most performant and most secure product available at the best price."

So... dear Oracle, you may be deludedly convinced. But no-one else is. You barely have the in house skills to manage, train and consult on your own products - so only Herodotus knows why anyone would trust you with a contract of this size. Which BTW includes a load of non-cloud related stuff that you simply don't have a track record in doing.

IBM will get it. That's my $0.10 worth. HP at a distant second. None of the others will be trusted by Donald Gump and his cronies as they are foreign owned, and therefore very scary.

Cheeky cheesemaker fails to copyright how things taste

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Cheese joke...

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?


Dawn of the dead: NASA space probe runs out of gas in asteroid belt after 6.4 billion-mile trip

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Re: Then what??


If you have inner peace, it's probably 'cos your broadband works: Zen Internet least whinged-about Brit ISP – survey

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Virgin Media.

I really tech and networks savvy, but am really fed up. If anyone has any ideas whom I replace them with in the South Hampshire area... maybe I'll have a look at Zen.

They are utterly useless. I've had no broadband connectivity since 21:15 on Monday evening. The VM online status page still says that there are no issues, and this was reflected by the utterly incompetent call centre bod who didn't seem to have a clue (or even seem to care) either.

I've checked everything my end and it's all ok. So over to you VM...

And... all of this within the context of yet another mid contract cost increase.

IBM struggles to sign up shipping carriers to blockchain supply chain platform – reports

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“This is the weakness we're currently seeing in many of these initiatives, as each individual project claims to offer an industry platform that they themselves control. This is self-contradictory.”

And then added "but I just wish we'd got there first so we could stick it to Maersk..."

Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

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Maybe she does believe herself. Maybe she's just another in a long long procession of attention whores.

Or, my own personal opinion... perhaps she's just a fucking idiot.

BT's new chief exec Philip Jansen to trouser £3.9m+ from telco

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It'll be interesting...

It'll be interesting to see what his strategy will be, and whether he'll have the balls to rip out the obscene level of stale upper and middle management that still thinks that its a 1970's monopoly; and redeploy whatever level of capital funds remain to the front line where it is needed.

And by front line, I do mean to include operational workers such as network engineers, installation staff, ditch diggers and call centre / Ops support staff etc, as well as backoffice employees such as architects, analysts and programmers etc. I.e. the people that actually do the work.

UK data watchdog fines Facebook 17 minutes of net profit for Cambridge Analytica brouhaha

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Woohoo!!! Yeah, that'll stop them...

It only took Oz govt transformation bods 6 months and $700k to report that blockchain ain't worth the effort

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Oh no....

But what about all of the snake oil salesmen? Won't anyone think of them and their gravy train...

Seriously though, I'd pretty much reached the same conclusion on Blockchain.

I ship you knot: 2,400-year-old Greek trading vessel found intact at bottom of Black Sea

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Re: Wood floats...

Or small stones.

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Dive limits...

In the video, those divers can't be diving on the actual wreck in question. I don't have sound, so not sure if it is of a similar wreck but in much shallower water?

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I've just picked up Assassins Creed Odyssey as my winter entertainment now that the nights are drawing in, so have my head tilted towards ancient Greece at the moment.

Personally, as a diver and a sailor I can't wait to see more about this.

Morrisons supermarket: We're taking payroll leak liability fight to UK Supreme Court

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So whilst every other company...

So whilst every other company would either take it on the chin, and/or continue to invest in DLP initiatives and services, Morrisons only concern is about it's image??

I'm glad I stopped shopping there years ago. Although they do have a fab bakery in the store in Horndean.

Memo to Microsoft: Windows 10 is broken, and the fixes can't wait

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This is not news...

Oracle and SAP have been doing this for years.

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

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I always just thought it was just the verbalisation of a short pause in thought. In the same way that "bang" is just the verbalisation of a sound. Nothing to get hot under the collar about.

Language evolves. Get used to it.

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