* Posts by Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

1408 posts • joined 28 Sep 2007

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Cost-hurling IBM seeks more volunteers for employment bonfire

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Ala Gwyneth Paltrow...

There is nothing more romantic than a conscious uncoupling.

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New Capita system has left British Army recruits unable to register online

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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No no no, you all have it wrong...

The future of application development is the delivery of containerised minimal viable product (who the hell cares if that "minimum" isn't actually viable or productive) and then agile DevOps and continuous delivery will magically take care of the rest.

Simple. At least that's what the salesmen are saying, and surely they can't be wrong, right?

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Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: "Not an uncommon story", you mean.

"We had shock indicators inside for a reason."

Indeed; and it's all of that hugely costly tenuous and superflouous value add stuff that DEC added that eventually put them out of business rather than keeping it all lean, but under a fantastic customer support policy.

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HMS Queen Lizzie formally joins the Royal Navy

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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What a pile of tosh. Surely it's just a case of (A) fly new "designed for carrier" aircraft, (B) land on carrier, (C) fly new aircraft off of carrier, (D) repeat a couple of times.

Have they not heard of agile methods to speed this up? Why spend time doing lengthy safety and stuff when the military personnel have already kind of given up on life in the first place, simply by joining the military. Sacrificing a few service people for the sake of speeding up the getting it into service quicker will save more people in the long term.

Where do I apply for the job of Admiral? Although I think Sea-Lord befits my stature better.

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Rogue PIs found guilty of illegally snagging personal financial info

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Information To Easy To Obtain.....

No no no, don't ask those questions. The upcoming changes to banking terms which allows them to share your information with "selected" 3rd parties is fine and there is no possibility of it being used in fraudulent ways... ever. Ok? Just keep repeating that... it's fine. Ok? Ok. Thanks.

In fact, just look at the awesome job they've done at communicating these changes to the public. Amazing job. First class.

So honestly... it's fine.

Noooo problems anywhere... so we're all good yeah?

The horizon is sans problems.

Thanks.

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Someone tell Thorpe Lane in Suffolk their internet sucks – they're still loading the page

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Yes, but...

"Reasons for such sluggish speeds can vary and can include a user's distance from the nearest exchange or difficulties with the property itself – thickness of walls, for example, can affect wireless connections, he said."

True. But mostly it is because of a shit WAN connection. I'm sure someone from an ISP will be along in a while though to explain why it's not their fault, despite being given a LOT of public cash to resolve it.

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NiceHash diced up by hackers, thousands of Bitcoin pilfered

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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An updated maxim...

Supposed experts and their Bitcoins seem very easily parted.

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Opportunity rover survives Martian winter for eighth time

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Keep on rollin'...

Top work little chap. Good work NASA.

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No, BMW, petrol-engined cars don't 'give back to the environment'

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Erm...

"owning and driving the car had a net benefit on the environment taking into account its full life cycle"

Sorry, but this pure marketing and PPE educated bullshit. I'm not sure how ANY car or thing can have a net benefit to "the environment" when the US and China et al are still spewing tons and tons and tons of shit into the air and oceans every single day.

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Viagra's Irish plant STILL giving local men and dogs stiffies (not really)

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Umm...

Don't let the name of the town get stuck in your throat, you may end up with a stiff neck.

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Freelance techies moan about DXC billing snafu: No pay for three weeks

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Alternatively...

Considering that systems like this for large companies are mostly based on workflow with approvals required at key points of the engagement, it could just be (A) a missing interface between the DXC/Expiris and Allegis systems, or (B) key user approval hierarchies not being set up and/or tested, or (C) a data migration issue.

Or yes, of course (D) some deep dark conspiracy or collusion between DXP et al to shure up their shaky quarterly finances...

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Facebook bends to pressure, opens German center to löschen abuse, gets yelled at by spies

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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"critics worry that such an approach will effectively allow tech companies to decide what is and is not legal speech."

Really?? I'm finding it hard to find any "worry" here at all, and I'm astonishingly surprised that anyone with any modicum of intelligence really cares, or takes anything on FB with anything other than a very large pinch of salt. Facebook started life as a platform for us just to connect with each other on a personal level and if it disappeared overnight then I'm pretty sure the world would keep turning. What its become IMHO is a platform that believes in its own self apportioned grandeur and hype, and is now just a gutter level platform for all manner of meaningless and banal drivel that masquerades as news, information or value added content that can easily be found on more reputable sites.

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Abolish the Telly Tax? Fat chance, say MPs at non-binding debate

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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"Least worst option"

Yes, that's all we seem to get from our elected "leaders" these days isn't it. The "least worst option".

Lazy bunch of shysters with not one ounce of gumption or willing to see if there is a better option than what is currently in place. So I made my own decision... I willfully haven't paid for a TVL for four years and don't intend to... and to be honest, I don't miss broadcast TV one bit.

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Iran the numbers – and Persian internet is the cheapest in the world

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Persian Internet

I went out with a Egyptian-French girl once and can confirm that whilst she didn't wear all of the burkha garb... she was totally and utterly a "goer".

Nudge nudge, wink wink.. say no more, say no more ;-)

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Chin up mate.

It could be worse. Much worse...

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UK.gov 'could easily' flog 6m driver records to private firms this year

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Hmmm

I'm not quite sure that "a right to be forgotten" or the timescales involved in that part of regulation would be taken notice of by DVLA in this case, unless you decide to give up your driving license and car, and not own any form of road transport that requires you to provide or update information to them - such as a bicycle or a horse.

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From Vega with love: Pegasus interstellar asteroid's next stop

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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To be honest...

The pic looks more like a Sperm whale that has suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature has very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then has to come to terms with not being a whale any more.

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$232m blockchain startup Tezos faces sueballs for alleged investor fraud

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Burn baby burn...

"The Register contacted the Tezos Foundation and a lawyer for the Breitmans for comment."

Yes, and I guarantee that the Tezos response will be something along the lines of "we consulted with our legal council and we believed that we were operating within the current regulations for Bitcoin offerings..." and then went on to add that "but when we found about out the vast sums of money these idiots are prepared to stump up we decided to do away with any further legal council knowledge and just hoped that no one would really notice..."

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Inside Internet Archive: 10PB+ of storage in a church... oh, and a little fight to preserve truth

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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*cough* Yes, sure... *cough*

"The Internet Archive isn't so much concerned with preventing the spread of misinformation as with making sure information of all sorts remains accessible."

Sure, because in 500 years from now when the domestic cats are evolved into our sentient upright overlords, and when we are slavishly subservient to them (even more so than we are already), it's good to know they'll have somewhere to go to revisit their own historical records.

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Black Horse Down, we repeat... yes, Lloyds Bank, again

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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It's such a regular occurance...

This is seemingly such a regular occurrence now that I have heard rumours that the International Telecommunications Union will be moving away from UTC as the global datum for time, and using the Lloyds bank service availability metric as the new one.

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Donald Trump's tweets: Are they presidential statements or not?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Perhaps, but...

"Who knows, but it would strangely fitting if a constitutional crisis was caused over something so shallow as a Twitter account."

But isn't that primarily how a lot of major crisis' occur and evolve; not primarily from massive ground shaking events, but from smaller innocuous and seemingly tenuously linked ones that take time to garner any serious traction; but then end up like an irremovable cyst and having considerable long term unintended ramifications?

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80-year-old cyclist killed in prang with Tesla Model S

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Eh?

"It is unknown at this time if the Tesla driver was using any self-driving technology when the incident occurred. We have asked Tesla for comment."

Should you be asking the actual driver instead?

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MPs slam HMRC's 'deeply worrying' lack of post-Brexit customs system

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Facepalm

Why do we need to import anything...

We have everything we need in the good old UK commune. Just looking around my office I can see everything we need. There are some nice sticks over there by the filing cabinet, and... oh, there were definitely some tea bags in the kitchenette area last time l looked.

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IBM asks remaining staff to take career advice from HR-bot

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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I guess...

I guess the only career advice any UK IBM'ers on the technical delivery front line need is "leave IBM".

There is plenty of work out there at the moment. Both permie and contract.

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You, Google. Get in here and explain all this personal data slurping – Missouri AG subpoena

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Actually...

I disagree with the sentiments, there seems to be a lot of growing momentum (albeit not quite a concerted effort yet) and a groundswell from a lot of different people and areas that are now starting to take a long hard look at Google and asking some fairly straight questions about their operations. I think over the next couple of years there will be some fairly direct action against them and I'm not sure they will be able to buy their way out of it.

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Mm, sacrilicious: Greggs advent calendar features sausage roll in a manger

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Oh lay off...

(suspiciously) Are there any women here today?

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Shiver me timbers! 67cm Playmobil pirate ship sets sail for Caribbean

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Not so much "Black Sails" as "Redtop Masthead" ;-)

What a fine crew of pirating commentards that vessel would have.

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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From a maritime safety perspective...

I'm hoping the brave little chap is observing the ColRegs.

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'Sticky runway' closes Canadian airport

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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On Google maps...

Out of curiosity I just had a look at the airport on GM and it looks as though they have a Vulcan parked outside on the grass. Upon a second glance I noticed that said Vulcan is situated on "Vulcan road".

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Self-driving bus in crash just 2 hours after entering public service

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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plus ca change indeed...

"Volvo said a few years ago that it would “accept full liability” for crashes involving its autonomous cars."

All well and good I assume until you actually need to pursue Volvo for settlement of that liability; at which point no doubt you'll need all the legal protection insurance you can get your hands on to pierce through their shield of lawyered up scumbags... just like current insurance company practice.

Plus ca change indeed!!!!

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Openreach boss says he'd take a burning effigy on the chin

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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£7Bn Pensions defecit?

Yes that sounds like a very healthy business model. One that Phillip Green would be very proud of.

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Scientists think they've found primordial goop whence life first sprang

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Not a chance mate...

"On a philosophical level, if we understand how we became, and where we came from, it may provide solutions to how we should move forward and where we can go."

Not a chance mate. Too many cat videos to watch.

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BT hikes prices for third time in 18 months

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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So...

Answers on a postcard... best home / home business broadband supplier outside of the normal fucktards at BT / VM / TT et al? I require a fast 100mb('ish) link.

I was thinking of going with A&A but they seem a bit pricey.

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Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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I always thought...

I always thought that they could do "Middle Earth : The Sixth age".

Basically where loads of tired and bored looking commuters are late for work due to a dragon or a Balrog on the line.

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Frowns all round as Smile and Co-op online banking goes down

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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*cough* First Direct *cough*

Comment as per title. Been with them 20+ years without issue. Can't remember their excellent phone service, website or app ever not being available outside of their well published maintenance schedule.

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Guy Glitchy: Villagers torch Openreach effigy

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: That's the price you pay...

Irrelevant. BT took an absolute fuckton of cash from the Government (i.e. the public) to solve this sort of problem and have so far failed to deliver on most of the performance metrics and/or KPIs contained within that not insubstantial contract.

I'm not surprised the peasants are in revolt, as BT have always been revolt-ing. Not good PR for them either... not that they care, as they are already at the bottom of the barrel and used to it.

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Landlubber northern council shores up against boat-tipping

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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At least their Social media team has a sense of humour about it.

Like most Councils, they should use it as a form of planter for flowers on a roundabout.

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Virgin's Project Lightning's very, very frightening: ISP will not hit connection target

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Whoda thunk it...

Comms company is full-o-shit. Who knew eh?

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Black Horse Down: Lloyds Banking Group goes TITSUP*

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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What I guarantee you won't hear...

What is this... the fourth or fifth TITSUP occurrence for this bunch of cowboys this year? What I guarantee you won't hear from their shoddy PR department is this...

"This outage was caused by our strategic decision to lay off all of our experienced UK legacy technical and integration teams to save costs and improve shareholder dividends by farming this all of this out to cheap Indian university farmed resources whom have all of the theory and certificates, but none of the experience, context or communication skills."

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Wheels are literally falling off the MoD thanks to lack of cash

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Yes, but as one of the worlds richest countries you do have to ask where billions upon billions upon billions of taxpayers money IS going. It certainly isn't going on making ANY improvements to any service provided by the Government.

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Judge: You're getting an Apple data centre and you're going to like it

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Collective noun...

Do eight Apple data halls on one single site an orchard make?

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So, tell us again how tech giants are more important than US govt...

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Wikileaks

"This kind of attitude I would submit is not acceptable to a large majority of Americans"

I find it very interesting and revealing that the US Government views a service which tries to publish the truth about major invasive surveillance and all manner of underhand and shady practices against its own constituents, as an enemy of "America and its people"; and then goes on to suggest that all of those very same constituents would find the publishing of those truths "not acceptable".

Totally fu**ed up. All of them.

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Kubernetes bug ate my banking app! How code flaw crashed Brit upstart

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Oh dear ...

Absolutely this.

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Facebook, Amazon fund new trans-Pacific submarine cable

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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"It's starting to feel like the exponential need for bandwidth means that in fifty year, half of humanity will be only laying cables so that the other half can watch cat videos..."

In 50 years time, the half of humanity watching cat videos (although I'm not sure which half) will want to be watching their purring furry friends in 32 or 64k or whatever; hence the requirement for more cables for more bandwidth. Perhaps I dreamt it though, but I'm sure the story also mentioned something about the current requirement for more cables so we can all watch global sporting events in HD or 4k or whatever. Dunno... perhaps you can go and check that for us all?

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Google India must pay back-taxes on $225m after cheekily funneling cash through Ireland

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Dodgy as f**k...

This is just one major racket. Just outlaw the whole ability for any companies or supposed subsidiary arms under the same corporate structure to be able to buy (or "license") anything from the other.

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Credit insurance tightens for geek shack Maplin Electronics

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: You cant have it both ways

"little product knowledge"

This is not something I recognise in terms of the Richer Sounds staff at their Southampton branch. They have always been most informative and helpful.

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Legends of the scrawl: Ordnance Survey launches augmented reality tool for maps

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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True, but...

Utilities companies also use other highly accurate GIS and mapping tools for accurately locating and identifying mains pipes. This is lucky considering that some of them contain high pressure natural gas. Get that wrong and... ** kaboom **

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Facebook, Google and pals may be hit with TV political ads rules

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Riiiiiight...

Because the US Administration has never interfered or tried to subvert the elections in any other country has it...

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Please replace the sword, says owner of now-hollow stone

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Pulling the sword from the stone?

Completed it mate.

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Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Art imitating life.

I'm pretty sure that the mockmentaries W1A and Twenty Twelve were based on how she runs stuff. NHS Improvement? As a job title it's up there with "BBC Director of Better", so to paraphrase Anna Rampton...

"To identify what the NHS does best and find more ways of doing less of it better”.

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