Re: Fake news
It's all Obama's fault. The US used to have the best pole, the northernmost pole, it was beautiful. People come up to me and they say "Sir, north is up, that's where it belongs. Up is good, up is strong. And, I tell them we're going to make it strong again, Chinya will not get its hands on the North Pole. Chinya is East. East cause that's where they belong, like Marco Polo."
(Sorry, my brain started to hurt before I could work in an incoherent Santa reference. I'll go drink some bleach and try this bit again later.)