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In a world of infosec rockstars, shutting down sexual harassment is hard work for victims

sum_of_squares

DISCLAIMER

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The problem with those debates is they are usually overly emotional and not very constructive. So let's all stay nice and well-collected, shall we? Come to think of it, let's just shout "she deserved it!" or "victim blaming!" (depending on your opinion), OK? ;-)

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Now let's go though this step-by-step:

A dude finds a girl attractive, but she thinks he's a bit creepy or something. So she is "making it clear she is not interested", but nevertheless "the man continued to pester her with messages", "approaches her at infosec events" and even "invites himself over".

Since the guy doesn't seem to respect her "no" there are different possibilities we should consider:

1) The guy is a total freak, close to a rapist. This is what the article seems to suggests anyway. In this case she could call the police and get a warranty that he has to stay away from her.

2) The girl didn't make herself as clear as she expected. It is not uncommon that people think they are clear when they just weren't. What to do here? See the next point.

3) Another possibility: The guy is not very experienced with girls, has a crush on her and can't read her signs or thinks he will win her heart by being stubborn. For me this seems to be the most realistic scenario, since this happens all the time, especially with "nerdy" guys who naturally have spent more time in front of a screen than interacting with other people in RL. The best way to deal with this (for both of them!) is to overcome the first escape reflex and have a "real talk" to tell him that there is no way that she will get with him. And let's face it, most people (guys and girls alike) are terribly bad at this. It's not about "sending signals", it's about LITERALLY saying: "Dude, you are only a friend for me. I will NOT be your girlfriend. You are not my type. I am not interested in you physically. There are other men/women I find more attractive. Did you get it?". If she is unable to do this, she might consider bringing a friend with her. This is still fair play if she feels overly uncomfortable in a situation alone with him. It is NOT fair play, however, to avoid this conversation and trying to set up a whole community against him.

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