Re: Is this just an English thing ?
"This came to a head this summer, when she flat out refused to use singular they for a trans moderator who explicitly asked her to"
See, this is the root cause of all this BS. People who are not content with being given the full freedom to be who they are, identify with whatever gender they feel like, dress any way they want and operate themselves so that their body matches whatever it is that they think of themselves.... no, that's not enough. They want to impose on others a whole new language structure.
You know what... if a trans person asked me nicely if I really wouldn't mind addressing them by "whatever" because it made them feel more comfortable, I might even do it from a (possibly misplaced) sense of courtesy. But having it imposed by fiat, and having anyone not doing that labelled as a transphobe will just have the opposite effect - people will dig their heels in and be difficult just out of principle.
Incidentally, and slightly off-topic, but if the rabid radical left in the US toned down on this sort of bullshit, and accepted that some people may legitimately have beliefs different than their own, maybe Trump wouldn't be President right now (and dear FSM help us, it would have been Hillary!)