Just use Perl for what it was intended for
Perl is the most hated programming language.
I suppose you can come to hate it if you misapply it. The mistake here is using it for any large projects. But it is perfect for small scripts, argument modifying wrappers for commands, mangling text from one format to another, and the like. Most of the features you need are built-ins (usually no need to require tons of modules), no boilerplate and grandiose declarations are needed. As they say, Perl is the Swiss Army Chainsaw.