Reply to post: Re: Every web site should...

Why does that website take forever to load? Clues: Three syllables, starts with a J, rhymes with crock of sh...

Fred Daggy

Re: Every web site should...

I want every web front end developer to sit in a sealed glass room (one at a time please). Just a computer and a 33 k modem to the internet in the room. Freshly booted but logged in computer with a web browser open. I control the oxygen supply.

The web jockey types in their URL. At the moment they hit enter, oxygen is completely evacuated and replaced with an inert gas. Oxygen is only released when their page finishes loading ... and does NOT jump around the screen to the slightest scroll or mouse movement. (So called "progressive" pages count as "not loaded" and don't release oxygen until loaded).

Extra time penalties before oxygen is restored:

Auto playing video +5m

Auto playing music or other sound +20m

Auto playing multimedia requiring flash +1 hour.

Marketing Managers that request that shit receive double the penalty and are required to sit in the room too.

All penalties are cumulative.

Anyone surviving may continue their craft, er cruft, er um craft.

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