Reply to post: Bah!

2018 ain't done yet... Amazon sent Alexa recordings of man and girlfriend to stranger

Stevie Silver badge


There is an upside, you know. Consider that if the police should ever subpoena your Alexa records in order to bring you to justice (you swine) your shyster of a lawyer might get you off after they've been played, by claiming to a believing jury of credulous loons that in fact you aren't you - at least when it comes to Alexa.

"So inspector Organs, it is your contention that my client murdered six people in that house, and that the recordings taken from my client's Alexa device clearly indicate advance planning, including ordering axes, tomahawks, knives and so forth, is this not so?"

"It is."

"Then would you please explain to the jury why my client, who has spoken throughout in his native Midlands nasal whine, elects to order his weapons of choice in a deep Scots burl? And that the slow performance of the Amazon website that day has him swearing in what our expert witness has identified as Lowland Scots Gaelic? A language with which my client has demonstrated no affinity whatsoever? Indeed, his secondary school French teacher has given testimony under oath that her experience was that my client had little enough grasp of his native English and in four years of enforced language education demonstrated no capacity whatsoever for learning another! How do you reconcile these disparate facts inspector?"


"In fact Inspector, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I plan to show evidence this day that my client has never in his life so much as travelled North of Sheffield! That he has no Scotsmen in his family tree! That this murderous, growling Celtic voice we have heard is in fact one Angus McGillycuddy, a retired dockworker from Fife who currently resides at 'Nae Mare Rovin' Like', 43 Bonnie Prince Charlie Lane, Glasgow, where he is current mace-bearer and treasurer of the Only Gude Sassenach Is A Deed Sassenach Club."

(Chaos in the public gallery, cries of Order! Order! from Mr Justice Wonce, banging of the gavel, shouts of "Thaas tellin' him Jimmeh!" from the dock etc)

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