Re: Castration anxiety
This is why I wear practical but unfashionable trousers with side pockets on the legs, where wallet, phone and anything else bulky can be stored so that I can seat myself with reckless abandon without a high pitched scream or the sound of a glass screen cracking.
I go for the "Batman look". I have a belt pouch for my phone (not one of those oversized phablets, I generally only use it for, *GASP*, phone calls). If I need to carry around a multi-tool, etc, that's another accessory on the utility belt.