I want a "heat map" of *the planet* for internet availability, the speed delivered, & if any & how much competition is available at a 1 Foot/1/3rd Meter resolution. In real time. No fucking around, no fudging, no bullshit, just an accurate real time map of global coverage. That will show *exactly* where the trouble spots are located, where the fraud spots are (ISP claims coverage but there isn't any, or claims $SpeedX but only delivers $SpeedY, etc), so we can take that fact to court & start forcing the changes we need to Make It Right.
$ISP wants to claim they cover $Location with $SpeedX, fine, let's check the map. Oops, it looks like you don't cover that area at all, much less with the speeds you claim. Care to fix that before we find all the C-level execs criminally liable for fraud, extortion, & Crimes Against Humanity?
And while I'm having this fantasy, I'd like that cute engineer from FireFly to ride Lady Godiva style on a pony...