Blast from the past.
(Cough) Is this thing working? (Leans forward, taps screen). It is? OK...
Hello! Old biddy from the 1980's speaking! Seen from back 'ere, those things you lot in the future use that you call 'phones aren't really 'phones. They're portable computers that you sometimes make phone calls with.
What amazes me is that you happily pay umpty hundreds of quid for computers that you (OK: most folks, I don't mean YOU, PFY) have little real control over, when back 'ere in the 80's folk expected to actually own and have at least a modicum of control over anything they paid that much dosh for. Most folks don't use more than a fraction of the capabilities of the durned things, and yet those gadgets are sold promising ever more features because "more is better" (except when it comes to battery life, apaprently. Do you buy cars with half-pint petrol tanks, eh?!).
Most useful gadget I ever owned was a Psion II organiser. Battery life in weeks or months, easy to use diary and alarm functions, great for note tacking and as a calculator. I've never been so organised in my life as when I had one of those. Recreate one of those with yer modern technology, and just add the ability to to send text messages and make voice calls, and I'd be a very happy bunny indeed. What a camera? oh, add a little USB port and sell a camera module that can be plugged in at need. That'd sort it. Yes, I could live with a much-reduced battery life down to, say, a week per charge, no problem.
What's that? Sorry, you'll have to excuse me, I'm going a bit deaf in the right lug'ole.. Oh, you want to look at an internet on it? Whatever for?! You'll go blind trying to look at an internet on the small screens your modern contraptions have! Get youself a tablet or a proper netbook and save yer eyesight, is my advice! You might be grand with t'internet on yer "phone" now, but you give it another 40 years and tell me if I'm not right when your eyesights' had all that extra wear and tear on it!
Heck, even that funny-shaped Blackberry doodad I once will have had was going to be better as a phone than the crap you youngsters currently use! Fit in my hand nicely, and had a plastic holster that gripped your waistband. Good sensible solution! Proper keyboard, as well! You will have been able to get an internet on that, too! I'm going to have seen the launch of Spaceship 1 on that whilst skiving at work! Marvellous stuff! Not a patch on the Organiser for, well, organising me life though, but not bad, and had a replaceable battery too! You've all gone stark raving bonkers, IMHO!
Rightoh, I'm sure you don't want to be listening to an old biddy like me blathering on interminably about how much better things are back now, so I'll trundle off and leave you lot alone to play with your ithingies and androidicals. (sigh, shakes head sadly) Goodbye! Where's me Scocth gorn..? (mic thump, CLICK!)
Biting the hand that feeds IT
