Enjoy a pint for that comment about the Dachsund not having a functioning brain.
I swear to Cthulhu that every Dachy I've ever met was dumber than a slice of toast.
A friend of mine used to raise purebred longhairs & any time I went over to dogsit for her, I would wind up laughing myself hoarse when they would run full speed straight into her closed sliding glass door.
It had a diamond crosshatching pattern to serve as a deterrent to sighted beings not doing exactly that, but the dogs would ignore the rainbow sparkly pattern & *BONK!* right into the glass.
Rebound with a bong, end up on the floor several feet away, sprawled like roadkill.
Every. Single. Time. For years.
At what point do you declare a pet brain dead & put it to sleep?
Because those little shits were the very definition of brainless!
As for the dog named cat bit, my StepDad calls his mutt "Fish" because the dog looks like a wide mouthed bass when you hold up a treat & ask "Who wants food?"
That's why I'm a squirrel person. Nobody cares when you catapult 'em!