"Cheaper - worryingly so in some cases"
Worrying for whom? If you can't afford £1,000 for a top-of-the-line iPhone or £700ish for a top of the line Android (or you have more sense than money) then why not buy cheaper? If you don't need or want the latest 'features', again why not buy cheaper? Not everyone is dumb enough to buy into the annual "upgrade" mania.
"faster - maybe, for the first month or two, but degrades over time and, ime, ends up unresponsive"
Hahaha...really? I've either kept or passed on all of my Android phones for years and whilst none of us are into playing games etc on them, they've remained pretty much as fast as when bought with a little care and attention - even after the (admittedly few, in most cases) OS upgrades are applied. Apple...slowed down some of their older phones in the background because of battery wear. Or openly admit that newer OS versions will be feature limited and/or slow on older kit. So really horses, for courses, eh?
"fuck rounded corners - oh, I see, still upset by Apple vs Samsung......"
hmmm...'kay. You're holding it wrong.
That said I just looked around the office and funnily enough every handset in view has rounded corners...go figure. Who knew that lawyers are not like most other people?
I suspect the view from up on your soap box is a little low on the details. Perhaps climb down and take a look around occasionally?