Dump the stupid penguin. Now.
Nothing screams 'geek virgin trying to be cute' like a couple of bellends romping about it dumb onesies.
What did turbonerds do before the internet? 41 years ago, a load of BBS
Techie in need of a doorstop picks up 'chunk of metal' – only to find out it's rather pricey
Amazon triples profit to $11.2bn, pays ZERO DOLLARS in corp tax – instead we pay it $129m
Oracle throws toys out pram again, tells US claims court: Competing for Pentagon cloud contract isn't fair!
Down productivity tools: Microsoft Teams takes a Monday tumble
Windows Subsystem for Linux adds pop to release, SAC-T sacked, crypto-jacking apps: It's Microsoft's week
After outrage over Chrome ad-block block plan, Google backs away from crippling web advert, content filters
Missed Valentine's Day? Take your beloved to a Visual Studio 2019 launch event instead
Australian prime minister blames 'state level' baddies for Oz parliament breach
Data-spewing Spectre chip flaws can't be killed by software alone, Google boffins conclude
Tens of millions more web accounts for sale after more sites hacked, Mac malware spreads via Windows.exe, and more
Well Holby damned! We've caught a virus: Brit medical soap operas team up for 'cyber' episode
Want to learn how to accelerate your software ops AND save big?
Squarespace's Tanya Reilly to deliver keynote at Continuous Lifecycle London
Looking to give wings to your software development and deployment?
You like JavaScript! You really like it! Scripting lingo tops dev survey of programming languages
Court sees Morissette Meter flip out as Oracle assumes anti-arbitration stance in pay dispute
HPE wants British ex-CFO to testify in UK Autonomy lawsuit before Uncle Sam sentences him
Here come the riled MPs (it's private, huh), Facebook's a digital 'gangster' ('disingen-u-ous'). Zuckerberg he is a failure (on sharing data)
The algorithms! They're manipulating all of us! reckon human rights bods Council of Europe
Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa
Pokemon No! Good news: You can now ban the virtual pests, er, pets to stop nerds wandering around your property
Banking in 2019: Sure, we'd recommend TSB's online, mobe banking say cowed customers
Surface Studio 2: The Vulture rakes a talon over Microsoft's latest box of desktop delight
Surrey Uni mans the space harpoons, and NASA buys more seats on Russian rockets
How's this for sci-fi: A cosmic river of 4,000 stars dazzles lifeforms as it flows through a galaxy. And that galaxy is the Milky Way
NASA's Dawn Mission receives nod in memory of Apollo 13 'naut for asteroid belt derring-do
Help us sniff out 50 neutron star collisions so we can calculate universe expansion, cosmoboffins plead
Want to create fake web profile pics? This creepy AI tool makes them on demand. Plus predictive policing, and more
Bloke thrown in the cooler for eight years after 3D-printing gun to dodge weapon ban
Blockchain is bullsh!t, prove me wrong meets 'chain gang fans at tech confab
Boss of venerable sect with millions of devoted followers meets boss of venerable sect with... yeah, you get the idea
You know the drill: SAP has asked Joe Public to name Munich arena so go forth and be very silly
Twilight of the sundials: Archaic timepiece dying out and millennials are to blame, reckons boffin
Sussex rap fan wants statue of Easy-E from NWA in his hometown because he's a 'legend'
Airbus will shutter its A380 production line from 2021
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Techie in need of a doorstop picks up 'chunk of metal' – only to find out it's rather pricey
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Tens of millions more web accounts for sale after more sites hacked, Mac malware spreads via Windows.exe, and more
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Data-spewing Spectre chip flaws can't be killed by software alone, Google boffins conclude
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Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa
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What did turbonerds do before the internet? 41 years ago, a load of BBS
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