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I used to go to the pub with my old man, get drunk and time it just right so the dinner didn't end up in the dog

I remember one Christmas where I headed to the pub with my Dad, we returned after a few pints to find that he had been expected to trim the turkey earlier in the day. Words were exchanged, and he decided to do it on the spot. Fortunately the subsequent damage only required elastoplast, and not a visit to A&E. Didn't seem to spoil the turkey either.