Dear Guy That Makes This Stuff,
If the waiter brought you a steak with a steaming pile of shit on the side, would you smile and eat it all?
Please take a step back, look rationally at what you are pushing and how, and think about "If I do this this way, will it piss off the viewer and actually create negative impression of what I am advertising?" Ads in periodicals work because they do not leap off the page, sing and shout, or attempt to give you rabies.
Have you no decency? (Clean) up your game.