Re: When I was a lad ....
"We used to have contests to see who could make the highest splash mark on the wall"
I remember my dad telling me of an acquaintance in primary school who (after holding it for a day) was capable of (and proud of) hitting the ceiling.
I never used the toilets at school - not because of embarrassing noises - but because they were vile hellholes - seldom cleaned, seldom flushed, inadequately supplied with paper, etc. etc.
(Also, if I was in charge of the school in Sweden, I'd just have the sound system permanently playing a loop of farting/splashing/grunting noises.)