My brother married a small-town American. His horror, as a Londoner, on introducing her to the tube was very funny.
As was the reaction of people she said good morning to, as she got onto the carriage. And her reaction at being grumpily ignored.
The Metro in Brussels used to be similarly grumpy. Plus the buggers never stand aside from the doors to let you out - then wonder why they can't get on the damned train! I did once hold my umbrella horizontally and just barge about ten people backwards out of my way because they were being particularly obstructive. But mostly I fantasised about sharpening the end and becoming Sven the Impaler.