Reply to post: Re: Feet like flippers?

Computerised stock management? Nah, let’s use walkie-talkies

Mark York 3 Silver badge
Linux

Re: Feet like flippers?

I also like Hush Puppies.

I love pointing out the Shoe Event Horizon in shoe shops, when I get get asked by the wife or staff why I'm buying a spare set of shoes (that actually comfortably fit & are on some form of sale\discount - Bloody expensive in Canadaland).

COMPU-TEACH:

Posit: you are living in a stagnant, declining civilisation. Where are you looking?

PUPIL:

Down.

COMPU-TEACH:

What do you see?

PUPIL:

My shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct! What do you do to cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

Uhm… press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

Incorrect! Think again. Your world is a depressing place; you are looking at your shoes. How do you cheer yourself up?

PUPIL:

I buy a new pair.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct!

PUPIL:

Can I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

All right.

PUPIL:

Wa-ho! So nice.

COMPU-TEACH:

Now, imagine everyone does the same thing. What happens?

PUPIL:

Everyone feels nice?

COMPU-TEACH:

Ah, forget the button! Concentrate! Everyone buys new shoes. What happens?

PUPIL:

More shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

Correct.

PUPIL:

Can I - ?

COMPU-TEACH:

No, no.

PUPIL:

Oh-oooo.

COMPU-TEACH:

And in order to support all these extra shoe shops, what must happen?

PUPIL:

Everyone… must keep buying shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And how is that arranged?

PUPIL:

Manufacturers dictate more and more different fashions and make shoes so badly that they either hurt the feet or fall apart.

COMPU-TEACH:

So that?

PUPIL:

Everyone has to buy more shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Until?

PUPIL:

Until… everyone gets fed up with lousy, rotten shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?

PUPIL:

Why can’t I press the button?

COMPU-TEACH:

And then what?! Come on!

PUPIL:

Massive capital investment by the manufacturers to try and make people buy the shoes.

COMPU-TEACH:

Which means?

PUPIL:

More shoe shops.

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?

PUPIL:

The point where I press the button again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Oh, all right.

PUPIL:

Wa-hoo! Ahhhh… So nice, that’s really nice!

COMPU-TEACH:

And then we reach what point?!

PUPIL:

The Shoe Event Horizon! The whole economy overbalances; shoe shops outnumber every kind of shop! It becomes economically impossible to build anything other than shoe shops, and bingo, I get to press the button again!

PUPIL:

Wooo!

COMPU-TEACH:

Wait for permission! Now, what’s the final stage?

PUPIL:

Umm. Every shop in the world ends up as a shoe shop.

COMPU-TEACH:

Full of?

PUPIL:

Shoes that no one can wear.

COMPU-TEACH:

Result.

PUPIL:

Famine, collapse, and ruin. Any survivors eventually evolve into… birds and never put their feet on the ground again.

COMPU-TEACH:

Excellent! End of Lesson. You may press the button.

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