Reply to post: The secret diaries of Iain Duncan Smith, part the second..

Iain Duncan Smith's Universal Credit: A timeline

Jemma Silver badge

The secret diaries of Iain Duncan Smith, part the second..

Day 1021: Find out Gollum, all right, all right, George Osborne, actually Witch King of Angmar's nephew. Should have guessed, explains why Theresa May goes all Rudolf Hess and drools whenever in same room... Even creepier than hook handed terrorist crush..

Day 1028: In retrospect using Orc programmers not the best idea, but not as bad as their idea to use Ada for the coding, still we can always blame windows 8..

Day 1029: Most job centres still using Windows for Workgroups... Bugger.

Day 1035: Find out that Euro MPs get more money for less work than even I do. Most offended. In other news Theresa spending a lot of time 'straightening Gollum's tie'.. Would be convinced of innocence of that, if for some reason they didn't need to do it in broom cupboard...

Day 1050: Ooohh, a referendum on Europe, poor old Dave, he will soon, I suspect, enjoy the full Corporal Jones experience. He won't like it up 'im.. At least not without KY.

Day 1051: Eureka! Have figured it out. If I resign I can stuff them all at the same time.. No more Euro MPs, no more Dodgy Dave, no more whinging peons AND I can blame Gollum, totally stuff the party (oh you of little reality) and get away with it..

Day 1052: blamed Gollum for being too nasty to the peons (if you don't drive them ALL to suicide you can harvest them again, benefits claimants don't grow well if you plant them, but they make good fertilizer..). Went on Andrew Marr show, he saw right through it. Pesky Andrew Marr.

Day 1053: Relaxation, no more Gollum, no more Theresa. Looking forward to holiday somewhere rural and unspoiled, someone recommended The Shire, at least I think that's what he said.. I don't profess to understand the thing about pervy hobbit fanciers (maybe he means Liberal Democrat counsellors); Didn't feel like asking for details. I will miss the looks on young Conservatives faces when Ann. W did the bellydancing at conference, I thought it was only Orcs who had greeny-grey skin and bulging eyes..

Day 1060: Resignation horrible mistake! One more episode of Time Team or Quincy will take the gentleman's way out. Had high hopes for Four in a Bed, turned out not to be East Anglian dogging show. Most disappointed, turned out to be odd couples playing hunt the bathroom pubes for cash prize, Ick, almost as bad as Balrog porn (see Ann.W); After all I paid my TV licence and I only have 5 TVs. On other note, wondering why short hairy archaeology presenters on mind so much.. It's always the one with his favourite spade.. But Mick will kill me if I try anything..

Day 1061: Umm, why does that man in the pullover look so familiar...

----

Thanks to Cassandra Clare and the Secret Diaries.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR WEEKLY TECH NEWSLETTER

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020