And then it'll need to scrub speed to prevent the parachutes and/or their attachment points from failing
That one is a solved problem - you initially deploy a small drogue patachute which slows the payload and puts tension on the line ready to pull out the main chute.
You then have a "barostat" - combination timer and pressure sensor - preventing the main chute from deploying. If the payload is too high or moving too fast, the pressure on the barostat is too low, and so the main chute stays packed away. Once the pressure reaches the appropriate value, the cable is released, and the drogue now pulls out the main chute.
This is how the Martin Baker ejection seat works.