Re: laughing too hard
I will meditate upon Functional Programming in Fortran
John Backus - who ran the team that invented FORTRAN - had some thoughts on the matter.
Not functional constructs in Fortran itself, mind you; he thought all the existing functional languages, to say nothing of the procedural ones, were too undisciplined. His '77 Turing Award lecture is well worth reading, even if you don't agree with it.
Programmers who have grown weary of everyday language paradigms may want to try J, a language that combines the power of APL with Backus' function-level programming and a few other goodies.