Re: What a convenient coincidence
"I'm sure that, with a bit of artificial flavoring"
Nope. Not needed. Seaweed has the elusive "umami".
"'I'm also pretty sure that it will never be as crunchy out of the pan."
Yep. It is. For values of "pan" that include "deep fat fryer". Knowing how to prep it helps.
Think outside the box. There is free food out there, if you look for it.