Re: ...spot on in invoking the personal journal of a jobbing engineer
I understand where you're coming from, but most good first-person SF 'magically' has a highly literate prose style that evokes a sense of awesome. See RAH, Chris Priest, Ursula Le Guin etc. Sadly, clumsy prose doesn't come across as more realistic; it just feels clumsy.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
