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£150m, three years... TWO base stations. Gov.uk? You guessed it

Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

Sounds like a normal project to me.

Manager: Right, this is the kickoff meeting for our notspot project. Our target is all these sites by the end of 2013 which means we need to start installation at the end of the month.

Engineer: Not a chance, we've craploads of engineering to do before we can start planning sites. Once the sites are validated then we need permission, access rights and a hill of other paperwork. Only then can we start thinking about installation.

Manager: The project plan shows that we will deliver this many sites by the end of 2013.

Engineer: The project plan was drawn by a salesman therefore by definition it is bollocks. The information we have received from the customer is riddled with errors and inconsistencies. With the number of engineers assigned it'll take a year of back and forth to the customer just to get our starting info usable.

Manager: You'll just have to manage with the resources we've got in the time shown on the plan.

Engineer: Why have we got so few resources? The budget for this is huge.

Manager: I've no idea (thinks: oh yes I have - kerching). I'll ask for more at the next management meeting (in a fly's eye I will).

Engineer: There isn't even any time on the project plan to allow for planning application delays.

Manager: Good point. I'll instruct the planning team to start making our applications now.

Engineer: Look you moron, put down that yacht catalog and try to listen. There is no point getting permission until we validate what sites we need. We can't do that until we can select our sites in a sane fashion and we can't do that until our customers give us good quality data.

Manager: I will not have such negativity on my project. We'll change the project plan to show design, engineering, planning application, regulatory requirements and construction as parallel tasks then do the documentation at the end (thinks: Money will have run out but I'll quit before that happens & I'll be cruising in the new yacht this project will pay for).

Engineer: I give up.

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