Re: I wish they would give me something anywhere near that...
If only - we live in an area with lots of small (ex mining) villages. The cabinet that serves most of the house in our village is located in another village that's closer to the exchange.
To put a cabinet (or two) in the village would have required significant changes to the phone wiring infrastructure, so it gets the "not viable" tag.
The council would have no problem granting planning (supported by the community) if it was requested...