Technical support from the other angle
To set the scene: Livebox hit by lightning (via phone line).
> Hello, how may I help you?
< Hi, I need a replacement Livebox, this one has been struck by lightning.
> Okay sir, can you please tell me... What lights are showing on your box?
< None.
> Could you please check that it is plugged in.
< It is not plugged in.
> That may be the problem sir. Can you please plug in your Livebox, then we can go from there.
< You are working through a support script aren't you?
> ...
< Can I suggest a small alteration? If hit by lighting, go to oh-crap?
> Please plug in the Livebox, sir. I cannot assist you otherwise.
< For your information, the power pack is bulging and smells of smoke. Are you happy to accept liability for any damage caused by me plugging this in?
> Smells of smoke?
< Yes, the Livebox was hit by lighting.
> You said that sir, but how do you know?
< Because it is black all around the phone port, the ADSL filter is in pieces all over the room, and when I shake the Livebox, all sorts of stuff - burnt, I should add, rattles around inside. {shakes box}
> Right, sir, I think I understand. I can arrange for a technician to come and look at your phone line tomorrow.
< {nnnnnngh!} I don't need a technician, thank you. I just need a replacement Livebox.
> Your phone line may be damaged.
< Possible, but unlikely.
> How can you be certain sir?
< Check your caller ID, notice where I am phoning you from. It is on the screen in front of you, right?
> ...
< This is really simple. Livebox dead, customer needs replacement. If you need to specify a reason for return, just write "customer did not go to church enough, God was annoyed".
> ...
> ...
> ... [thinking he'd hung up on me]
> ...
> ...
> Right, sir. We can arrange for a replacement unit to be shipped out to you. Where would you like to collect it? Your nearest Orange shops are {blah} and {meh}.
The story didn't end there. The unit sent was a recon with a wifi card that flaked out as soon as it got warm. I managed to keep it limping along by pointing a big fan at the box, but made my thoughts known on the support forums. Luckily, thankfully, a tech there picked up the thread and arranged for a proper replacement to be sent out so I didn't have to call support again. Funny in hindsight, but at the time... Grrrr!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
