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back to article Pitiless teen burglar murders three witnesses

An Illinois teenager is facing residential burglary and cruelty to animals raps after killing a trio of potential witnesses to an Arlington Heights burglary - three goldfish. On 24 January, the unnamed 16-year-old and two accomplices, aged 15 and 17, targeted an apartment in a block which had been evacuated following a fire on …

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  1. Rob 101

    Pitiless?

    Should that not be pitiful?

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  2. Scott Broukell
    Coat

    No doubt ...

    the scales of justice will prevail.

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  3. Turtle

    Well Not Really

    "They can apparently recall stuff for up to three months, making the victims in this case potential key prosecution witnesses."

    There is no place in the US where a criminal will be brought to trial in three months or less. Not even Juvenile Court or Family Court (which is the courts which have jurisdiction over minors in many places.)

    2 0
  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Burglary?

    "An Illinois teenager is facing residential burglary.....".

    Being the you-ess-aye, wouldn't it be "burglarizafizication" or somesuch unneccesarily extended term?

    7 5
  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Goldfishes can be evil

    Sam and Max were going to execute Mr Spatula, and I don't think they were going to get arrested for it (but then, they ARE the freelance police).

    3 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      @Cricri

      You crack me up, little buddy.

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    2. Tzael
      Reply Icon

      Not just evil - pure evil!

      Yeah, we wouldn't want Mr Spatula's spirit sending the seamonkeys after the burglars!

      0 0
  6. lansalot
    Happy

    hmmm

    Should have taken the trio to the local prawn shop...

    2 0
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Well known Mafia method for dealing with witnesses .....

    ..."Those stool pigeons are sleeping with the fishes!"

    OK, I know ,,,,,

    0 0
  8. Qwelak
    Linux

    Would have loved

    to have heard that cross examinaion in court,

    Prosecuter - Mr Fish can you see the perpetrators in this court?

    fish - -O-

    Prosecuter - Is that yes or no?

    Fish - -O-

    Icon - Another Mass Fish murderer

    PGB

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    1. wayne 8
      Reply Icon
      Headmaster

      Direct or Re-direct, but not cross

      A prosecutor doesn't cross examine witnesses FOR the prosecution.

      0 0
  9. James O'Shea

    it's the Chicago Way

    did this massacre take place on Valentine's Day?

    And where's the Tommy gun icon?

    0 0
  10. LuMan
    Coat

    Fish in the dock

    If the fish go to court and have to swear on the Holy Bible, does it matter if they don't necessarily believe in Cod??

    Yep, fetching it now.....

    2 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      In Cod We Trust

      They will if they are Icelandic goldfish. (Where's Ghostigital?)

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      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Or in Cod we thrust

        The pisceophiliacs motto.

        Yep, got it, gone

        0 0
  11. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Sounds reasonable

    ...if you consider a perp with a goldfish's IQ.

    0 0
  12. Richard Jukes

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    Gotta hand it to the criminals, they dont like to leave anything to chance. But just how did they get caught?

    0 0
    1. Aldous
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      caught easily

      dont U.S plod work closely with the local pawn shops? so they probably went in the next day to sell the kit,police checked pawn shops found all the kit sold/attempted and got em that way

      0 0
    2. Peter Simpson 1
      Reply Icon
      Megaphone

      just how did they get caught?

      They posted photos on Facebook?

      Don't know for sure, but that's the usual way.

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      1. Handle this!
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        you have never visited...

        goldfishbook.com?

        0 0
  13. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Worse even than the parrot burglar

    but in a similar line,

    I like this one better...

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/11/08/parrot_kidnap/

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  14. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    In the UK

    ... they'd get a heavier sentence for sleeping with the fish than killing them ....

    0 0
  15. Horridbloke

    I only hope...

    ... a suitable jury can be found:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8264782/Cat-ordered-to-do-jury-service.html

    4 0
  16. Frank 2
    WTF?

    Couldn't happen in the UK

    The police actually followed up the crime report by going to a nearby pawn shop. That's beyond the call dude.

    2 1
    1. Dave 15
      Reply Icon

      I spotted some police in town on Sunday...

      Spotted some police in town on Sunday... one parked in a Japanese 4x4 police car on a double yellow line while his mate got some cash from Barclays.... Glad to see they obey the law they are happy to enforce. Would have probably been less of a problem if the lard **** was able to walk a few feet so they weren't parked opposite another car (also on the double yellow) and therefore blocking the whole main road through the town.

      Busting to get to the case I bet...

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  17. HFoster

    /sigh

    No witnesses? Goldfish?!

    What a fucking muppet. They should execute him for the sake of the gene pool!

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  18. disgruntled yank

    why do I picture Kevin Kline and Jamie Lee Curtis as in on this caper?

    Have any poodles been found flattened by heavy weights, carried off by large and aggressive dogs, etc.?

    3 0
  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sentence all 3 to a 'hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spice'...

    ...enema.

    That'll teach them.

    3 0
    1. LaeMing
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      I was going to suggest...

      ...flushing the perps down a huge toilet. But I like yours better.

      0 0
  20. Andus McCoatover
    Joke

    Think of the fishes' final quotation:

    "Oh, Christ, it's Mr. Creosote!!"

    3 0
  21. Johnny Canuck

    This is not a title

    Hmmm, I thought I read somewhere that animal cruelty laws don't apply to fish.

    0 0
    1. Daniel 4
      Reply Icon

      Question of jurisdiction

      It's all a question of "which law?" Just here in the United States, there is Federal, State, and various levels of local (County/Parish, City, ...). It is entirely possible that what is true in most jurisdictions is not in another. In this particular care case, the laws of the United States Federal Government, the State of Illinois, Cook County, Illinois, and the "Village" (pop. ~76,000) of Arlington Heights, Illinois all apply. While I myself am not aware of the legal situation re: cruelty to fish in these jurisdictions, it is entirely possible that it is allowed at a higher level and banned at a lower level.

      -d

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  22. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    ARRG!

    This is my home town!!

    Seems the high schools there have lost funding.....

    0 0
  23. Triggerfish

    Cruelty laws

    They do in the UK can't say for US though.

    That kid sound like potential spree killer material.

    1 0
  24. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    In the US and A....

    They can be tried for witchcraft and having sex with night demons....

    By people who profess how their god loves us all and have their fingers on the nukes........

    1 2
  25. Ted Treen
    Grenade

    Still..

    gratuitous cruelty to any animal is indicative of a warped mind.

    Throw these idiots to the lions or tigers in the local zoo, and let them experience being on the receiving end, at least for a short time: and it'll save the zoo authorities the cost of a couple of meals.

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    1. Handle this!
      Reply Icon

      better still...

      it will save the taxpayers dollars to keep and feed them.

      0 0
  26. gzuckier

    sounds funny but

    this kid is a psychopath larva. They start out on animals, then work their way up to humans. Normal kids have, in fact, more empathy for pets than for humans, as people who write kids' movies know. You can show the parents getting killed, but if the dog gets killed, the movie is also dead.

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