back to article BOFH: Join the club

“You make it sound so... nasty,” the PFY says to the Boss as he fingers through several sheets of complaints. “What – trying to maim a supplier’s employees just because you don’t like their product!?” the Boss snaps. “THEY STARTED IT!” the PFY retorts. “How?” “They sent us their product!” “And in response you’ve been …

COMMENTS

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  1. Darren Murphy
    Linux

    Brilliant

    "They Started it", absolutely brilliant. Simon you give me so many ideas for office hilarity but alas i have a small smidgen of conscience left but that will to take long to purge. scrub -r -p nnsa /dev/conscience there all better.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    oh god....

    I bet the security folks are watching me on the CCTV cameras wondering what the hell I'm doing laughing like a maniac in their data center.......

    Excellend Job, again.

  3. Chris Curtis

    Another fortnight - another BOFH

    A more mundane bofh for sure, but Simon has been doing some good work lately. Keep it up buddy!

  4. David Haig
    Pint

    Thank you Simon

    This storyline just keeps getting better & better .....

  5. wim
    Happy

    thank you thank you

    keep em coming

  6. nuster100
    Thumb Up

    Lol

    That's made my day!!!!

    Keep up the good work!!

    Jay

  7. skellious
    Heart

    Excellant!

    It just doesn't feel like friday without the BOFH. The increasing frequency of updates is very good, keep it up!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    Magnesium Fire

    I love it. Well Done!!!

  9. Jonathan McComb
    Thumb Up

    What can I say....

    ... only that there are tears of laughter running down my face!

    Another epic episode.

  10. bugalugs
    Paris Hilton

    A refund !

    Robotards throw in towel.

    So, we'll never know what the next " service message "

    was. Perhaps, " We have identified a fault in the

    circuit-breaker architecture, implemented up-graded

    protocols and return the machine to your service etc "

    Ph, no refunds

  11. LINCARD1000
    Coffee/keyboard

    Oh nicely done...

    Looks like you're onto a winner here, Simon. Had me laughing like a loon... thanks for the cheering up :-)

  12. DI_Wyman
    Pint

    My...

    Friday is now perfik.....well nearly.......I just have to get to the pub!

    :-)

  13. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Pint

    They Tried...

    ...making cars out of magnesium.

    Big Mistake!

    http://www.britishpathe.com/record.php?id=39422

    Particularly, note what happens when water is applied!

    Now i am gonna test my brain when beer is applied.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Terminator

    Bloody

    “Bloody magnesium fire"

    "Bloody genius" more like.

    Bloody in the literal sense, natch.

  15. Jesthar
    Thumb Up

    Ahhh, fun with magnesium!

    Excellent! :D It'd be ruddy difficult to keep track of for avoidance purposes, too - magnesium burns too brightly to watch directly.

    How do I know this? At school we had a chemistry teacher who decided to demonstrate catalysts in action using a rather volitile experiment of creating iron from iron oxide + aluminium powder as a catalyst and a heat source - in this case, a magnesium fuse. It was so much fun, she demonstrated it twice!

    Slighty bigger version of what she did here:

    http://www.davidavery.co.uk/thermite/index.htm

    So, assuming the robot had aluminium panels... ;)

    As for our results - well, last time I re-visited that classroom, there were still bits of iron embedded in the ceiling... ;)

    1. Michael Chester
      Boffin

      Not catalysts

      That's an experiment demonstrating oxidation. The difference in oxidation energies between the iron and aluminium means that the aluminium violently takes the oxygen from the iron oxide, hence the fierce reaction.

      The magnesium is there for 2 reasons: firstly, the activation energy for the thermite is quite large, so having something easily lit that burns hot enough to ignite the reaction is a plus. Secondly, the magnesium ribbon burning down gives the teacher time to get away from the reaction before it starts

      1. Jesthar
        Pint

        Re: Not catalysts

        "That's an experiment demonstrating oxidation. The difference in oxidation energies between the iron and aluminium means that the aluminium violently takes the oxygen from the iron oxide, hence the fierce reaction.

        The magnesium is there for 2 reasons: firstly, the activation energy for the thermite is quite large, so having something easily lit that burns hot enough to ignite the reaction is a plus. Secondly, the magnesium ribbon burning down gives the teacher time to get away from the reaction before it starts"

        Yes, I remember the running away and hiding bit! ;) And the plexiglass protective screens, and the goggles etc. And the headmistress wandering in halfway through with some prospective parents and getting quite a scare as the thing went up! ;)

        Anyway, it's over just over half a lifetime since that demonstration, so my memory is a little fuzzy on the precise details... ;) I'm /fairly/ sure there was an unmentioned catalyst in the mix, but I can't remember what it was. And I could be wrong.

        But, hey - things went boom in a suitably spectacular, ceiling damaging manner, and that's what really matters, eh? ;)

  16. Jsmoran

    This

    is the best story in a long time. Oh, I love robots.

  17. Il Midga di Macaroni
    Pint

    What a line!

    Ironing out bugs - with a #2 Iron.

    Simon, if you ever run short of beer you can rely on me for several.

  18. Maverick
    Thumb Up

    Friday

    "Or the Duke-Nukem-is-coming website.”

    my screen needs cleaning now

    top stuff !!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Laughter on a sad day

    I've been to a funeral today, this simply added to the tears, but its a perfect antidote. Thanks Simon!

  20. Kimberly Burgess
    Thumb Up

    Bravo!

    Simon, this storyline is amazing! Kudos on making my Friday's rock! :)

  21. eswan
    Flame

    Magnesium plate

    “And we ‘just happened’ to have some 1mm magnesium plate ‘just laying around the office’ did we?”

    Anybody seen my NeXT cube?

  22. CanadianISP
    Jobs Horns

    Magnesium plate - brilliant!

    As a former firefighter who has fought magnesium fires: BRILLIANT!!!

    If I could have babies, I would name them after Simon. As I cannot, I will simply have to build a robot in its stead.

    Now, bearings and diesel, where do we keep those ... ?

  23. foreachtryme.success++next

    Lock Stock and one smoking robot

    Just brilliant!!

  24. Gil Grissum
    Thumb Up

    LOL...

    Way to go Simon. THIS ONE made my day!! :-D

  25. john bertelsen
    Coffee/keyboard

    Clueless Boss .........

    .....wheels spinning in the sand...........

  26. maclovinz

    Perfect

    Makes my hangover feel just a bit better!

    Now back to sleep in the server room....

  27. Paul Wells
    Stop

    Hardware?

    That amount of modding is dangerously close to being an engineer.

    1. Ty Cobb
      Pint

      Ever wonder -

      Where the phrase "knows enough to be dangerous" came from? Well, here you go.

    2. MartinBZM
      Flame

      Nah

      just case-modding taken to extreme limits.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    sad about those bearings

    But happy about that robot. Cheers!

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Excellent...

    Ah Yes another wonderful Redition of Self Preservation and the Cunning masterful Way that "Good clean Fun" can be achived while leaving no clues as to the "Fun" that took place that truely shows that the good Master BOFH thinks things out as he preforms his true Duties of ensuring that No-One invades into his Domain of making money off the Boss, Lager off the PFY, and Ensured Loyality of fellow BOFHs and their PFY's on the Gobal Scale though the stories that make their way here.

    Here's one of Three Pre-paid Pints Mr.Simon (your choice of brew), now i'll just grab my Coat with the Robot Blueprints and the Z-Pitch.

    [AC because of work]

    1. Steve Roper
      Alien

      AC is pretty pointless

      since the message content pretty much gives you away, amanfromMars...

  30. MartinBZM
    Go

    WE...

    see Simon rollin'

    we Lovin'

    Excremetionally good show, meaning the droid firm techies have brown trousers every time they recieve a shipment.

    I've forwarded the links of this yarn to our hardware supplier, have not heard from them yet <evil grin>

    Cheers!

  31. rototype
    Coat

    Ahahaha AAAAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHAAA

    Had to be said........

    (Mine's the white one with the nice wraparound sleeves....)

  32. Dex
    Pint

    I'm with...

    Maverick! Love the DNF FINALLY being real reference :)

    You can always count on the T!

  33. bugalugs
    Go

    Robowar is defensive

    BOFH continues defending one of his prime assets,

    the cleaner !

  34. Chaosechoz
    Pint

    Simon, you sir are...

    You sir are a god amongst us mortal and insignificant men. How we should bow down to your spender and behold the BOFH commandments...

    1. Thou shall not out bofh the bofh

    2. Simon is all knowing and dutiful to the balance of IT

    3. PFY must never be given too much leverage! Keep him in his place....

    4. BEER will be the funder-mental currency in which all blackmail scams are paid.

    5. Lusers and bosses much pay homage to the BOFH with a large sacrifice (preferably the boss or his boss!)

    6. Never give the mindless sheep any reason to dial the BOFH command Line!....

    So says the BOFH!

    Classic episode for a crappy day :D keep up the great work o'lord and master.

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