The desktop management advisory guide

The lazy admin's guide to desktop management

4 simple to follow steps

1.) remove - either by software or physically, the ability for lusers to plug anything into their PCs

2.) disconnect the internet

3.) disable "CC" and "BCC" in email. If people want to send the same stuff to many others, make 'em type it all in again - or at least cut'n'paste it.

4.) Never, ever upgrade the O/S or applications

Once these actions are, err... actioned the overwhelming majority of every sys admins problems will simply vanish. Leaving the team massively overstaffed, to the point where they will fight to pick up the phone on the rare occasions that someone calls. Even the calls you get will be lame and unchallenging, like "I've forgotten my password" or "My computer's making a funny noise"

This will leave plenty of time for the admin team to look for new jobs before the overstaffing is discovered and the inevitable layoffs start. In case you haven't already worked it out, the job of a sysadmin is to make the desktop systems (and the servers, too) just, barely, workable - so they're always teetering on the edge of complete collapse. It's the only way to ensure your prolonged employment.