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back to article Apple boots STD psychic healing app out of bed

Apple has decided psychic healing has no place in the App Store, despite last week approving a "distance healing" application for warts available for only $12.99. The faithful who bought a copy of Wart Healer were asked to take a photograph of their wart which is sent to the "professional mental healer", who spends the next …

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  1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Elevating Great Games ..... Theory Practicised.

    "which changes the role of the iTunes store from one that approves applications before publication, to one that removes applications once someone complains about them."

    Wow .... a FreePhorm Platform Program for Shelf Arrangements. Bravo Apple Steve. Great Job.

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    1. paulf
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: Bravo Apple Steve. Great Job.

      After that mock (?) sycophantic praise I feel compelled to add in "Love the App Store, Steve" along with rapturous canned applause and cheering.

      You'll find my coat somewhere around mid-afternoon...

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    For once...

    Well done Apple, even if it shouldn't have been approved in the first place! (Perhaps they are a victim of their own success, to many submissions to properly vet them)...

    Who falls for this crap, a wart healing iPhone app... next thing you know we'll have people believing an iGadget makes women want your babies... ohnowaitthathappened :-(

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      What? Why? It worked for me.....

      Not only am I free from unsightly warts, but all I have to do is shake my iPhone and wart-infested women come flocking for my miracle cure.....

      You could also check out the butt-crack adhesive patch (http://krapps.com/2010/05/02/recap-week-of-april-26/). I can think of a few better applications in the building trade....

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    2. The Fuzzy Wotnot
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      Thumb Up

      Great!

      My only regret is I wished I'd thought of that, fleecing gullible planks at $10 a time! Simply brilliant!

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      1. Jason Hall
        Reply Icon

        7 mega pixel

        Don't worry - there seems to be a huge number of idiots who are buying the 5 and 7 mega pixel camera apps there. Be quick - maybe you could release a 10 mega pixel app and get rich.

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  3. M Gale
    Badgers

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pERePVa1X18

    Ah well. Suppose you could always go for the $1.75-per-minute "Psychic" Chance instead.

    Apologies for the slightly broken video. Worth a giggle though.

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  4. Graham Bartlett

    "crystal healing bowl which excites your chakras"

    I suppose if you inserted your iPhone somewhere and then got this app to make it vibrate, it could excite something. If you were that way inclined. Although the window of Ann Summers suggests there are more appropriate items, and cheaper too.

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    1. Professor Tinklepants
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      "I suppose if you inserted your iPhone somewhere..........it could excite something"

      Would that be the brown chakra? Or perhaps the pink one?

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Alternative revenue stream...

    "The faithful who bought a copy of Wart Healer were asked to take a photograph of their wart which is sent to the "professional mental healer""

    Those must be some NASTY pictures... Probably has another business consisting of a website for displaying sick / unusual / kinky pictures of warts..?

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Flame

      Not exactly....

      It's probably more along the lines of something that blackmails the wart-afflicted person, saying their photo will be uploaded with full user details to the web if payment isn't received by X.

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  6. The BigYin

    Damn!

    And I was going to host my "iChiro" app today as well. It would correct spinal deformities (which would cure everything from hiccups to cancer and bulimia) by reducing the quantum flux distortion caused by all that money in your pocket.

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  7. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Dumped by the App store?

    I guess they'll just have to punt it through Cydia.

    Warts 'n all......

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    111 days

    I wonder if that is chosen because

    a) it's a mystical number

    b) its about the same interval as a wart takes to resolve itself untreated?

    3 0
  9. Ian Ferguson
    WTF?

    Maybe

    Somebody at Apple removed it after concluding that his wart hadn't subsided :)

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  10. Flugal

    Strange

    You can still buy the "bible" (other holy books are also available) from the Apps store, which also propogate patent bollocks that people would do well to avoid reading and blieving.

    Given that believing a load of nonsense about healing is probably less damaging to humanity than so-called "holy" books there does seem to be some hypocricy here from Apple.

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    1. Steven Knox
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      Well...

      Did you complain to Apple about these apps you wish to see removed from the store?

      PS. Militant atheism is at least as dysfunctional as militant theism. Think about it, won't you?

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  11. Thomas 18
    Thumb Down

    The important thing is it wasn't written in Flash

    and is therefore a quality application.

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  12. Eddy Ito
    Thumb Up

    Ah yes...

    Might as well give it a try. I'm going to submit a pair of linked apps. One will be "Breast Fixer" app and the other will be a "Jug-O-Rater" app. Of course the faithful who bought a copy of Breast Fixer will be asked to take photographs of their breasts which will then be sent to a "professional master bater," meaning the buyers of the Jug-O-Rater app. After ten days a cumulative, and inverse, rating will be sent back to the Breast Fixer app as determination of treatment. If the inverse rating is low enough users will be asked to take video of themselves rubbing their breasts with all sorts of "tonics" (available online at a modest cost) and send the video back for six months of premium pay-per-view psychic stroking whereby the breasts will be healed.

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple didn't remove it

    Someone used my iPhone App on it. You send a screenshot of the offending app and £50, and in 300 days, the first signs of its disappearance may become visible.

    1 0
  14. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    the really disturbing thing

    ..is that somewhere there may be a mailbox full of blurry pictures of warts.

    Rule 34, that's all I'm sayin'....

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  15. Muckminded

    I imagine...

    semi-conscious, rum-addled monkeys randomly pressing "Approved" or "Disapproved". Do fruit flies affect my outcome? Should I proffer one banana, or a bunch?

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  16. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    I dunno

    Last I looked into it, warts were cured by placebo effect just under 50% of the time...

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  17. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    I cast out they false prophets !

    There is only room for one wart healing god, and that is Steve Jobs.. I cast out thy false psychic prophets !!

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