Alternatives
I would have thought a dremel type cutter would be more appropriate - less likely to slip and cause serious injury.
Alternatively, they could have used a syringe - remove some of the offending blood, hence freeing the pipe.
Southampton chap lodges todger in steel pipe
A Southampton man who somehow got his todger stuck in a three-inch length of steel pipe had to be cut free by eight firemen bearing an angle grinder, the Southern Daily Echo reports. The drama began when the unnamed 30-something chap presented himself at Southampton General Hospital's A&E department suffering from "restricted …
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Thursday 7th January 2010 13:21 GMT Anonymous Coward
IN a 3-inch length of pipe?
Which kind of implies (Though god help me I'm going to have to bleach my brain after thinking about this) that his erect todger was shorter than 3-inches.
Talk about piling humiliation upon despair!
And seriously, a metal pipe? Of all the things you could consider sticking your knob in that would have to be one the last. It's cold, hard, unyielding and with sharp edges - was it my wife?
Unlucky, sir, unlucky.
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Thursday 7th January 2010 14:35 GMT Anonymous Coward
@ac 13:21
It's a pipe, i.e. open ended, which is why it got stuck, to put it bluntly the head got swollen and wouldn't fit back down the pipe, if it had been inside, a bit of soapy water would of worked.
BTW
Blood is pumped up the centre and returns on the outer, hence it swell up when contricted and can't shrink. If they had syringed it, it would of just filled up again as fast.
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Thursday 7th January 2010 14:28 GMT Liam Johnson
ONLY three or four times?
Multiplied by how many fire stations? That seems like a lot of people doing something silly.
Perhaps they should do one of those nice public information broadcasts. Don't run with scissors; don't play near water; don't stick your todger in a rusty pipe.
I always remember the one they used to show when I was a kid about not playing with fireworks. Some small child is rushed into the hospital with their hand wrapped in bandages. The nurse unwraps the ever more stained bandages until – there is no hand inside. Used the scare the willies out of me at the time.
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Thursday 7th January 2010 14:39 GMT Anonymous Coward
Reminds me of...
A story about a guy who drove 30 miles with a length of hoover pipe on his junk to a hospital to get it removed...
When asked why he drove so far, instead of going to his local A&E he admitted to being a consultant surgeon and didn't want to be recognised at the hospital where he worked...
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Thursday 7th January 2010 16:53 GMT TeeCee
Iced water?
Obvious problem.
If that didn't work, you'd end up with a three inch length of frozen steel pipe stuck on your knob and the world's hacks would be merrily churning out articles about the poor sod who had to have his frostbitten todger removed.
Maybe it would be a good idea to keep a blowtorch handy, just in case?
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Thursday 7th January 2010 15:58 GMT Anonymous Coward
tripping over and accidentally landing up a chicken's clacker
i had an ED call recently where a "rural gentleman" had "tripped over" and his pants fell off, and he gained a spontaneous erection, and it accidentally landed in the back end of a chicken...what are the odds, eh?..anyway, the chicken died in the process of this "tripping over" which caused its clacker to contract shut on the base of his tockley.
so we made him wait in the ED waiting room for about 5 hours with a dead chicken on his old fella before surgically removing it, even though we weren't busy at all, just for the luls ;]
penguin cause its the closest icon to a chicken!
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Thursday 7th January 2010 16:16 GMT Anonymous Coward
But who hasn't thought about trying it :-)
I think the possibility of ending up at A&E having to explain your predicament, let alone trying to create an excuse which is in anyway believable, would curtail most people's thoughts that this might be a good idea. You know there will be giggles. Lots.
I can only imagine the best way to deal with it with any dignity is with a bold, brash approach. Waltz in with said piping and insertion dangling in the breeze, and a "let's see you get that off then!" attitude.
Might be an idea to build up to it in stages, get them used to your weekly appearance. Then they won't bat an eyelid.
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Friday 8th January 2010 00:03 GMT Don Sinclair
Should have gone for the water melon
Apparently and not I hasten to add through experience, a hollowed out water melon has often been favoured over steel pipe. You see steel pipe, especially pipe that has been cut is liable to contain swarf, which as any shagger of engineering and construction components will tell you can result in terrible splinters, which, unless stainless steel can become infected very quickly. A water melon on the other hand, notwithstanding the significant risk of seeds becoming lodged in your John Thomas has the added bonus of giving the shagger the ability of inviting his friends to join in...at the same time merely by creating another passage and 'diving on in'.
This mutual approach to the shagging of inanimate objects also has the benefits of making A&E related stories all the more plausible, in that if three guys arrive in the waiting room and stick to the same story.........'we were practicing our new dance routine when suddenly we were set upon by a nympho melon' the staff are bound to believe it. Have any more readers got any similar views.......I heard that a pound of sausage, when brought up to room temperature has often been used at parties.......not that I have had experience of such things!!
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Friday 8th January 2010 11:22 GMT Anonymous Coward
Noooo
@AC 14:35
WAY WAY too much information..
I've heard of the hard up scoring with a milk bottle, I've heard of sad and lonely hitting on a vacuum cleaner.. but a metal pipe.. that's a first for me..
I think the highlight of the story was when the watch commander states he's ONLY come across this kind of thing 3 or 4 times.. You'd think (indeed hope and pray) that this kind of thing would be a once in a lifetime event!
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Friday 8th January 2010 12:14 GMT Cowboy Bob
I Remember...
...an old friend who used to work at an A&E department once told me about a husband and wife arriving - he with a severely lacerated John Thomas and she with severe concussion. Turns out that she was administering oral pleasure in the kitchen and had some kind of fit. The only thing the husband could think of to unclamp his wife's gnashers was to repeatedly bash her around the head with a frying pan.
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Friday 8th January 2010 12:24 GMT Anonymous Coward
shame it wasn't lead
As that would have led to an excellent pun about him wanting a bit more lead in his pencil
Seriously though, how would you really get into such a predicament unless you were doing something other than working with the pipe.
Mine's the one with the cricket box in the pocket as I hear these rogue pipes hunt in packs,,,,
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Monday 11th January 2010 10:22 GMT Sarah Bee
Re: You gotta wonder at the El Reg mods' mentality
You gotta wonder, does yer? May I quote from said '10 reasons why a steel pipe is better than a woman' post:
"6. A steel pipe doesn't get loose and sloppy after you've screwed it a dozen times."
It wasn't funny and it wasn't clever and it wasn't pleasant and to be honest it's this kind of crap that makes me want to go and moderate comments on the Sunday Sport's website as they may be a little more mature and enlightened.
And I don't care if you think you were being ironic and post-modern - I don't think you understand those concepts enough to go flinging them around on these threads on my watch. A quote from the oversexed character from Family Guy in this context is perfectly innocuous, if inane. Your comment was the work of a disgusting little boy and I moderated it accordingly.
Does that shed any light on the matter for you?
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