back to article Trading Standards calls for online knife sale ban

Trading Standards is making a call for Government to block any sites attempting to sell underage products in the UK, after sending a bunch of kids out to pick up some sharps with not unpredictable results. The Trading Standards Institute (TSI) has been doing some research tempting retailers with underage shoppers. They sent …

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  1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    FAIL

    Good Idea!

    Let's ban anything that can be made into a knife too - like spoons and forks.

  2. Tom 15

    Yet another case...

    Yet another case of oldies not understanding IT.

  3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Flame

    CLIPS, Jess and Drools

    So,

    1) Metal cutlery that is not spoon or fork must not be carried outdoors

    AND

    2) Metal cutlery that is not spoon or fork can still be purchased freely

    THERFORE

    3) Something must be done, this something being removal of the adverb "freely" in 2)

    It's pretty sad when the combined intelligence of parliament and gummint can be encoded in a production system oneliner.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    creeeeeep

    "...he volunteered that the time may have arrived for government to make use of blocking software to prevent people accessing products sold into the UK from overseas for which age restrictions apply."

    <despair>

  5. Steve Renouf

    Under-age Credit Card holders?

    Unless I'm completely out of date (which I don't think I am) you have to be over 18 to have a credit card, so if an online credit card transaction takes place, you must be selling to an 18 year old.

    Yes! I know they could be using a parent's card but that then becomes the responsibility of the parent - not the retailer.

    It just so happens, that in the diving world, a knife is an essential item of safety equipment (cutting free from entanglement etc.) so I don't see how they can ban the online sale of an essential piece of safety equipment. It's the usual knee-jerk UK reaction.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This makes no sense

    Banning online knife sales, and presumably the sale of all sharp implements (for carpentry, cooking, ...), would be very inconvenient for anyone who needs anything a bit specialist and can't easily travel to a large city where they might be available over the counter.

    Age verification of the person making an online order is both impossible and pointless as the delivery might be taken by a different person at the same address. Age verification has to be done at the time of delivery. I'm sure at least some delivery companies will be happy to charge a bit more for carrying out whatever high-quality age verification procedures highstreet shops use when selling knives, etc.: e.g. get a signature from someone who looks like an adult, for example.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    How did they pay online?

    With a credit card perhaps? That you have to be over 18 to have?

  8. Em 1
    WTF?

    Off with their heads!

    We should all start demanding that public bodies go back to serving the public rather than dreaming up sensationalist headlines for the media. Maybe their PR department could do with a jobs cull.

  9. Geoff Kennedy
    FAIL

    YAY FOR NANNY STATES!!!!!

    I think the banning sales of cutlery to underage youth is pretty dense to begin with. If a kid needs a weapon, a ban isn't going to stop him. They'll just steal them. I'd be more worried about them stealing a box cutter, than buying a pocket knife, or *shudder* perhaps buying a kitchen knife for mum and/or dad as a present?

    Knives are tools, plain and simple. I grew up in a rather rural part of the US, where almost everyone I knew carried some form of pocket knife. We never had knife fights. Never.

  10. Oz
    Grenade

    Get a grip!

    Geez, whatever next. I tend to buy a lot of stuff online, including cookware and utensils, because frankly the shops near me have a pants selection of implements. Does it now need to be such that I can't buy a decent skinning or carving knife, just because kids *could* buy knives online.

    FFS, they could just as easily nick one their parents' kitchen drawers, assuming the ferals that carry knives for protection actually have parents! ;-)

  11. Jeff Deacon
    Big Brother

    Bit more function creep for IWF?

    Still, it makes a change for a subservient bit of government (local authorities) to be reading Big Brother's script from Westminster for new laws. Usually it is fake charities who have been given the script by Westminster.

    In the end, knives will be as illegal as guns. Chefs will be required to have a professional knife users license!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    perhaps.....

    a proper education as to what effects knives have at an early "ish" age might be a good first start. The Govt is quite happy to let the kids do what the hell they want nowadays so why not actually start teaching them the REAL "facts of life" like what ACTUALLY happens when you stab someone, what happens when you impregnate your girlfriend at 14 etc etc etc , as many do not even REALLY have a clue. I was out working hard at 14 but now they dont grow up until 25 it seems. In fact give you an example. 3 RETARDS of about 19 or so i saw walking down the pathway down between Kirkland Avenue and Nethercote Avenue ( I think they love in Nethercote Ave) , WOKING, (Hope they read this) decided it would be fun to throw sticks at some 3 year olds in a KINDERGARTEN. They are the

    type of retards need locking up.

  13. ElReg!comments!Pierre
    FAIL

    I just went to Sigma-Aldricht's website

    They will happily sell cocaine, heroin or pretty much everything you want, to underage kids. Let's ban them. Oh, of course you have to provide a bunch of paperwork... a bit like how most of the time you have to use a credit card to buy a blade online... of course there's PayPal and friends, but any underage kid with that kind of money on PayPal is already trading intensively on eBay and co, so I doubt they would have any trouble getting their mits on a knife, a scimitar or even a shotgun, if they so wished (and if they could conceal it from Mom and Pop). Not to mention that most kids will get a knife for Xmas if they ask their parents nicely. Maybe it's that I was raised in the countryside, but I know I had a couple of semi-serious blades before I was even 14.

    And, stop me if I'm saying something stupid, but is there any evidence that any real-life yoof actually tried to illegally get a knife from a UK-based online retailer? Ever?

    Wouldn't the average yoof buy his deadly, law-abidding-citizen-mugging oriented sharps on eBay under the false assumption that it's cheaper, anyway?

    Is there even any evidence at all that knife-wielding hoodied ne'er-do-well are taking Britain over?

    Pointless gesturing from useless people who need to look relevant to get public funding, I say.

  14. King Edward I

    @Steve Renouf

    For a Credit card yes. No such restriction on a Debit Card. I don't know how much info the retailers get from a card, but I doubt they can tell a Visa debit and a visa credit card apart. though I could be completely wrong in that assumption.

  15. Stef 4
    Unhappy

    Thin end of the wedge

    So no DVD sales online either soon. "U" certificate DVDs only. And no CDs with "Advisory" notes on the front. Are under-18s still allowed to by USB cables on Ebay? Those cables can be used as garottes you know. Lethal.

    What about paper-cuts? They should ban the online sale of books and lemon juice. You know it makes sense.

  16. Steven Jones

    Wholly Pointless

    It's another of those useless policies. First knives are legal and useful - so they will be freely available in people's houses, workshops, factories and even schools. If some gang member wants one, they will get one and the more difficult it becomes (not that it ever will be) the more it provides an opening for a criminally provided alternative. Witness drug crime. If they get really stuck, then they will make them.

    That's not to say I favour youths wandering the streets armed with knives, but that's an enforcement/education/social issue. Banning knife sales (and its not just knives - the legislation covers all sorts of useful tools like chisels, blade refills for hobby knives and so on) is going to be a considerable problem for tradesman who increasingly use these type of outlets.

  17. Adam 52 Silver badge

    Knives and forks

    "Metal cutlery that is not spoon or fork must not be carried outdoors"

    The legislation also bans pointed objects, so you can't have a fork either.

    "Banning online knife sales, and presumably the sale of all sharp implements"

    Again the legislation bans blades, not sharp objects. So it's illegal to carry a blunt blade, even plastic safety scissors (that's the CPS view, confirmed by the courts) unless it's a screwdriver (the courts have exempted screwdrivers).

  18. EdwardP
    FAIL

    So...

    ...the internet has to lose the porn as well? And the Booze? And the 18+ Films? And the cigarettes? And the fireworks? And the rest?

    Fucking hell, hows about just a little bit of consistency...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A nation descending into crass stupidity?

    We're backing to ticking those forms again. Tick 10/10 boxes and the world is safe and secure. Didn't work? Then we need 12 boxes - once all ticked then we're safe again. Didn't work? Then we clearly need more forms.

    The Americans have a phrase - shit happens. And it does - all the time in real life. Anyone who thinks they can legislate against everything bad happening is a moron.

    And - Good Idea! - did you think you were joking? Try buying a spoon without proof of age in Tescos...

    In the rough streets where I was brought up 60 years ago, kids would rub pennies on the pavement to sharpen them as weapons - slipped between the fingers of a fist the effect could be devastating. When caught they only had to claim they'd got them in change from a shop - impossible to prove otherwise. The point being that when people want to misbehave, they'll do so. But that's nothing to do with the rest of us, and no excuse for alienating ordinary law-abiding people.

  20. Michael Miller

    Don't stop there!

    Lets ban everything pointy or sharp!

  21. The Indomitable Gall

    Re: Under-age Credit Card holders?

    Erm... you can now pay on-line with "prepay" payment cards and some accounts for minors issue debit cards. Not to mention PayPal credit, which I'm told the hip kids get their pocket money in these days.

  22. Jim 48
    Megaphone

    Ban everything!

    As mentioned, it should be possible to use credit cards to control whether a buyer is 18yo+ but some banks, in their wisdom, have decided that teenagers are a source of revenue, so they can have the cards as well and their is now way for retailers to determine the actual age of a card users.

    This is the issue that needs addressing, not the banning of the knives! Not withstanding that the majority of youth 'knife-crimes' are carried out with a kitchen knife swiped from their parents house.

    I collect and use various knives for a my hobbies (bushcraft, archery & hunting) and all of them were bought on the internet as that is where the variety I require is.

  23. adnim

    Pointy stick

    Free and available from many fences, or one could sharpen a broom handle.

    Perhaps picket fences and brooms should be banned.

    And then if a kid really, really wants a knife, there is always the cutlery draw.

  24. The Mole

    Re: Under-age Credit Card holders?

    Under 18s can definitely get debit cards and therefore can buy things using these. Prepaid credit cards also exist which can be brought by under 18s. Though I imagine most under 18 year olds who are trying to get a knife illegally would just use there parents credit card without (or sometimes with) their knowledge.

  25. David S
    Grenade

    What Steve Renouf said (re the card thing) and...

    If I were a teenager, and I desperately wanted a knife with which to go bother a victim ('cos we all know that's what teenagers do these days) and I found myself forbidden from buying my own online, I'd probably resort to raiding the kitchen drawers and using one of the handy, sharp food-preparation knives that my parents had been old enough to be allowed to buy.

    So OBVIOUSLY the next step will be... what? Parents not allowed to buy knives? Parents responsible for keeping paring knives (and scissors? and veg peelers?) securely under lock and key? Kitchen knives outlawed and all food to be provided ready-chopped under controlled conditions in the municipal slicing factories (good employment idea, that...)

    Thin end of an extremely silly wedge, I'm afraid. Not to deny the anguish felt by victims of knife crimes, by the way, but there are proportionate responses and then there are silly responses.

  26. Psymon
    Big Brother

    how did these kids buy online?

    I have to echo Steves' point.

    OK, you can use a range of debit cards online, but again, aren't these limited to adults?

    Even if there are some types of cards available to the underage population, the banks have details such as date of birth, so I'm fairly certain the over 18 flag can be checked pretty easily (without the bank actually sending DOB details to the relevant site.

    Don't porn and gambling sites already have age verification systems set up that the governments find perfectly acceptable?

    Again, this whole exercise wreaks of mission creep

  27. Deckard
    FAIL

    @ Steve Renouf

    "Unless I'm completely out of date (which I don't think I am) you have to be over 18 to have a credit card, so if an online credit card transaction takes place, you must be selling to an 18 year old."

    Very true, you do need to be 18 to hold a credit card but not so with debit cards that are handed out to11 year olds. (http://www.lloydstsb.com/current_accounts/under_19s_account.asp).

    This makes it pretty easy for a retailer to check the age of the card holder but I sincerely doubt that any self respecting bad boy is going to kit himself out with an 8" Global Santuko. I suspect it's far more likely that the type of weapon used will have either been given to him by someone he knows or procured from some less reputable shop or market stall and therefore bypass any restrictions put in plave by the ITS.

    Another genius system that is doomed right from the get go...

  28. frank ly

    The kids need skills

    Internet?? I have a nice bench vice and a good set of files. Give me a longish piece of metal and I'll make a knife for you, it's easy. Since I got the graded set of diamond grit sharpening stones, I've been able to make some beautifully sharp edges. Kids these days, they have no idea how to use and make simple tools.

  29. Number6

    How do you verify age?

    I can see that in order to achieve this, we all need biometric ID cards and secure iris scanners on our PCs so that when buying on-line, an iris scan can be taken and validated against an identity on the central database. Oh, wait...

  30. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Well, there goes the whole DIY and gardening industry

    No more knives, chisels, planers and their knives, tenon saws - obviously, circular saw blades (sorry, frisbees) Garden shears, lawnmower blades, pruning thingys, secateurs. Better ban sharpening stones as well - just in case. Add angle grinders to the list as you can sharpen things with them.

    Oh well while we're at it nails and screws are pointy - they'd better go on the list as well.

    Eeeek! hammers - not pointed but blunt instruments - ban the lot of 'em. That's got to include anything else with a handle that weights over a pound. On the same subject, screwdrivers look pretty nasty, too.

    Since we're regressing back in time rapidly, better look into sharp flint tools and arrow heads - can they ban stones? How about pointy sticks. Looks like we'll all be living in caves soon (as the houses will all have fallen down from disrepair), chasing wild animals for food - but without anything to catch and kill them with (ironically: surrounded by tinned food, but without the tools to open them - far too dangerous). We'll all be dying from malnutrition, exposure and deficiency diseases - but at least we'll be safe from underage kiddies buying knives on the internet.

  31. Cameron Colley

    How about toothbrushes...

    ...and bedposts, and anything else that could be made into a shiv?

    Now I realise that the Armstrong and Miller sketch may have a frightening effect on youth culture.

  32. Del Morpha
    WTF?

    Parental Responsibility FTL...

    Seriously, what a ridiculous thing to suggest that because something that is currently illegal to sell to minors can be bought over the internet without validation it should be banned from sale online completely. Are these morons for real?!

    A more logical response, one government funded bodies seem pretty unable to manage these days, would be ensure any product intended by over 18s has to be purchased on a funding mechanism available to only said age group. How about we ban the use of cards available to under 18s from use on UK based web sites that sell adult products, rather than the idiotic response of banning the items for sale themselves.

    I wish the state would stop interfering and greying the areas of parental responsibility with scaremongering and shock tactics. It's getting old...

  33. David Evans
    Grenade

    I'm going to set up a new ecom business...

    ...stickwithanailinit.com. Its going to be huge.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Catering students can be under 18

    as my sister was when she went to college with a lovely (and expensive) set of various knives, all very sharp in a black knife roll. A well aimed 30cm chef's knife or a nice fine bladed boning knife can do lots of damage.

    The trouble is we want to stop people from carrying "weapons" but how do you legislate that? When is that knife part of a chef's work equipment and when is it something else? Is that person a chef in the kitchen and a knife carrying thug outside?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Useless

    They actually think that the kids who run around with knives actually get them from the internet? This is a joke right? The kids I know of who carry knives either steal them or they are given to them by their older siblings/friends/etc.

    Spending X million sterling to put some wacky internet block in place is mind boggling. Not to mention all the cash they already blew on the damn research. If anything they should ALLOW the sale of knives on the net because then at least its traceable, rather than a hoodie walking out of an off-license with a stolen sharp in their pocket.

    This way of thinking is an embarrassment to the crime fighting community and a mockery to the victims of knife crime. Someone should put these morons on the street so they can get a clue.

  36. Dave Bell

    Lawful Reason

    The precise phrase might be different, but the law doesn't stop people carrying knives, if they have a reason. So the guy trimming a hedge can carry the sort of lethal agricultural implement loved by medieval English soldiers.

    Trouble is, the courts have to decide if an ungodly scrote has a lawful reason, and tend to block off vast areas of incidental activity, and that Leatherman Wave is as illegal as the plastic utility knives the scrotes buy with their pocket money.

    So we can all become criminals, and must hope we never catch the attention of the Police.

    And a sixteen-year-old can marry, but can't properly equip a domestic kitchen.

  37. The Other Steve
    Big Brother

    I've got any amount of sharp things

    Prisoners chib each other with sharpened toothbrushes, an HB pencil properly applied to an ocular orifice is fatal, and then there are any amount of sporting goods that could be used in the course of a proper GBHing, including tennis racquets and practically everything to do with cricket.

    FWIW most of the knives that the filth actually confiscate (i.e. not the PR friendly collection they keep for showing TV cameras when they have amnesty campaigns) are, in fact, of the cutlery draw/home ec department variety rather than the well crafted (expensive) outdoorsman's variety.

    But it's not really about crimes of violence, it's about the interaction between hysterical parents who wish to abdicate responsibility for their own children (if they're shopping online and you don't know about it, you're doing it wrong. Period) and a state which is only to happy to arrogate that responsibility to itself because it is run by scary authoritarian control freaks with their heads up their arseholes who can only remain in charge if those parents can be kept hysterical enough to vote for them.

    If the fuckers were smart, they'd be thinking about banning piano wire, and maybe sturdy lamp posts.

  38. David S
    Unhappy

    And another thing...

    When I were a young boy scout (it wasn't all THAT long ago...) our troop had a tradition: every summer we had a two-week camping trip in the middle of nowhere (Scotland) where we'd learn all those useful skills. Building fires, hiking and orienteering, building and sleeping in bivouacs, how to dig and maintain a field latrine, how to turn two pounds of gorgeous minced beef into grey, unappealing yuck with undercooked tatties... You know, useful stuff.

    Every one of us was under eighteen, had a knife, and knew how to use it to whittle a replacement tent peg, or sharpen a stick with which to cook sausages, that kind of thing. The really REALLY cool thing was that, each year, the newbie who was judged the best by the patrol leaders and scout leaders (stop sniggering at the back; this isn't that kind of story) was awarded a prize: a particularly fine sheath knife, theirs to keep and use with pride. Competition for this honour was, as I'm sure you can imagine, very stiff indeed.

    Seriously. Titter ye not.

    Obviously if this happened nowadays the dunghill would hit the windmill. I think that's extremely sad.

  39. Graham Marsden
    Coat

    Err...

    ... what, exactly are "underage products"?

  40. graham crocker

    A Marvellous Initiative

    Top marks to the Trading Standards people.

    Only the other day I was on my way to buy a top-of-the-range plasma TV (Small-print APR 35%) when I spotted a young man who could easily have been concealing an internet-available knife. I turned around and went straight back home.

  41. Bad Beaver
    Megaphone

    BAN IT ALL BRITAIN!

    Here in Germany, there is very detailed regulation about the nature of knives that are allowed for sale, those that are not, and those that while legal for sale, cannot be legally sold to minors. Legislation applies to every kind of store, brick&mortal or virtual, and sellers need to verify the age of the customer — usually via national ID-card. It's quite easy, actually.

    Minors who want to lay their hands on something illegal will find ways, as always, but why ruin everybody else's business and shopping because of that?

  42. ElReg!comments!Pierre

    "Eeeek! hammers - not pointed but blunt instruments"

    You wish. I actually have a hammer that is both blunt *and* pointy. Something like that:

    http://www.rona.ca/shop/~hammer-22-oz.-carpenter-hammer-estwing-62223_!carpenter-hammer_shop

    but a tad heavier. I reckon it should be banned, too. Possibly also considered as a weapon of mass destruction (I used it to massively destroy old shelves last week-end). Interestingly the French name is not "carpenter's hammer" but "smash-in" (or "stave-in") hammer. You might want to use the translation from French for media frenzy build-up purpose...

  43. This post has been deleted by its author

  44. Brian McGovern
    FAIL

    They didn't stop...

    ... at those "evil" guns, did they?

    Now its knives. Next forks. Shortly after, pencils, because they can stab, too. Brooms and shovels...

    Eventually, you will need to be restrained, simply because you can't be trusted not to hurt someone else, even though you're naked, and can legally possess nothing.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    A nanosecond of consideration...

    Hey, I'm a kid. I want a knife. Where shall I get one? Shall I go on the internet and buy it? Or shall I just take one from the drawer in the kitchen? Let me think.

    Restricting gun sales works because guns are tricky to get hold of.

    Restricting knife sales does not work because there are many more knives than people in the UK and, actually, in the whole world!

  46. mark l 2 Silver badge

    never gonna work

    If prisons can't even stop inmates shiving each other up with sharpend tooth brushes and broken bits of food trays, how do they think that banning online sales of knives is gonna help? Even if they do sucessfully ban then anyone wanting to carry weapon will just sharpen a screw driver or steal a kitchen knife from home.

    It needs tougher punishment in the law for carrying knives and better education to reduce the knife problem.

  47. ZenCoder

    Lets also ban sticks and stones.

    They break your bones after all, at least that's what I heard.

    How about a law requiring everyone to insure that the property is free of any stone more than an inch wide and any stick more than an inch in diameter.

    If someone wants to hurt someone, rob then using threat of bodily harm, threaten someone with violence .. well the real problem is their intent .. not the tools available.

    I am willing to suppose a ban on hand gun helps a bit, but not as much as most people seem to think, but it probably does help enough to justify it it. But knives? ....

    I bet you could put vending machines selling knives on every street corner and society wouldn't collapse.

    Also ... please stop with the security camera's ... you are setting a bad example.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    some form of age verification

    It's the old "foot in the door" for ID cards... Hello? Nobody wants them! Get a grip on putting the chavs to work for a change or just dump 'em in the bloody ocean so they're not bothing anybody but the sharks.

  49. Al 4

    Home made swords, sabers, knives

    When I was a kid we use to make all kinds of weaponry from scraps of metal and wood. Never used them on each other, but we did have fun hacking our way through woods and fields and just being generally destructive like kids will be. This will work just as well as the rules against having weapons in prison when it comes to keeping them out of the hands of kids. Most kids I know are magnitudes more street savvy than any politician that I've met and can get a hold of anything quickly and easily that the government bans from them getting.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Del Morpha

    Hell, the Aussies are about to do that with video games - and not only will they ban all games not appropriate for those under 15 to EVERYONE, they'll also use their firewall to ban access to those games' web sites!

    So, the UK is still not quite as insane as Australia. But it's good to see you're doing your bit!

  51. Pete 2 Silver badge

    @how did these kids buy online?

    Go into any house with teenage children.

    Within a few days or a couple of weeks: tops, you'll hear something like this.

    "Muuuuuuuuum, can I borrow your credit card to top up my phone?"

    bizzy parent: "yes, all right but only £10, mind."

    BTW. By the time the question is asked, the deed has, in all likelyhood, already been done. After all it's much easier to get forgiveness than permission. Kids can get CCs as easily as they can get ciggies in a house with 1 or more smoking adult. So long as the credit card statement doesn't come back with a line like

    EVIL JIMS HOUSE OF KILLA KNIVES: £250

    then it'll probably go through without being noticed - provided the child in question has the nouse to intercept the delivery before daddy, dearest gets to see what's in the package.

  52. Anonymous John

    @Pointy stick

    " And then if a kid really, really wants a knife, there is always the cutlery draw"

    First they came for the cutlery draw.

    And I did not speak out

    Because I didn't want to win a knife

    Then they came for the National Lottery

  53. Sooty

    not surprising

    This is the same government that claimed there was no need whatsoever for kitchen knives to have points, and tried to ban those too. I'd love to see them try and open a packet of shrink wrapped bacon without using a knife point.

    Knives are such useful tools, that any form of banning would be a nightmare, as someone above mentioned, buying online is sometimes the only way to get a decent knife. and before anyone raises it, yes a 'real' chef's knife can make life in the kitchen a lot easier when compared to the £10 supermarket kitchen knives, and they are very unlikely to be sold in high street shops.

  54. Mashiara

    education issue

    Bah, make a nice tv-ad campaign where someone who actually knows anything about knife fighting explains a few facts:

    1. There are no winners in a knife fight (you will be lucky to survive with wounds you can fix yourself) even if you know how to use the weapon properly

    2. Especially stab wounds are *a bad thing*

    3. Unless you actually have proper training you will mess up and cut yourself

    Basically you don't get a knife for "defense", likely those you would like to defend against know a thing or two about street fighting, certainly enough to call your bluff (even if you would really intend to use the knife you wouldn't know how, thus it's a bluff), thus you made your situation worse...

    While I know a few things about knife fighting (since to be able to defend unarmed against a knife you need to know how to properly use it as a weapon both against armed and unarmed opponents), I would not get into a knife fight even if I had a knife in hand: I'd throw it "away" (at the opponent) and hope the confusion gives me an opening to end the fight, in any case it continues unarmed for my part... Now if I would have a stick (canes are rather stylish right ? umbrellas work too) situation would be *very* different.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Enough Already

    I can't even buy the same model of anything twice from the same store. Online is the only way to get the kitchen or garage items I want. Stores in my area don't restock what sells. They let one version sell out and leave the versions nobody wanted to buy on the shelf for 2 months!!!!!!!

  56. The Metal Cod
    Flame

    We all know where this is going...

    "Top celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson was today sentenced to life imprisonment for possession of a knife. "How am I supposed to cut a f***ing hunk of beef to size so it can fit in an oven?" he said as part of his impassioned defence. The judge had little time for his argument and in the name of First Secretary Mandelson sentenced the chef to a life sentence.

    It is not known which labour camp the chef will be assiged to. There are rumours that he will be kept in the K wing of Larkhill Detention Camp along with Gordon Ramsay (recently imprisoned for armed robbery), Jamie Oliver (imprisoned for being a tw@), James Martin (sent down for possession of a Kenwood Chef) and Jennifer Paterson (put away for attempting to run over the First Secretary and casserole his testicles) but the state would confirm nothing.

    First Secretary Mandelson was unavailable for official comment but was believed to have said in an off the record briefing that "Ken Hom's ass is next and then I'll nail that evil Delia Smith gang!" He is expected to make a statement to the media tomorrow which will include the benefits of growing a beard in the aftermath of Wilkinson Sword's withdrawal from the UK pending new anti-razor legislation.

    This follows a crackdown 9 months ago where families enjoying Sunday roasts have been dragged away and detained. Many still remain in detention in secure facilities."

    This is satire. For the moment.

    Fire - because there isn't a Guy Fawkes icon

  57. steogede

    @adam 52

    >> "Metal cutlery that is not spoon or fork must not be carried outdoors"

    >>

    >> The legislation also bans pointed objects, so you can't have a fork either.

    >>

    I think they have to be 'sharply pointed' not just pointed, so knitting needles and pens would be alright, pencils probably would. They don't have to be metal as the OP said, a plastic knife isn't sharply pointed, but it is a bladed article. Also, it doesn't need to be 'outdoors', just a public place, (i.e. anywhere the public have access to), including most offices - you best make sure you have a good reason for those safety scissors in your desk draw.

    >> "Banning online knife sales, and presumably the sale of all sharp implements"

    >>

    >> Again the legislation bans blades, not sharp objects. So it's illegal to carry a blunt blade, even plastic safety scissors (that's the CPS view, confirmed by the courts) unless it's a screwdriver (the courts have exempted screwdrivers).

    I didn't realise that screwdrivers were exempted, they make pretty good stabbing weapons (little resistance after penetration). Certainly if they were adapted for use as a weapon i.e. sharpened, that would make them an offensive weapon - which a knife isn't necessarily.

  58. jake Silver badge

    Sharp's not the issue ...

    I have a 7'2" by 1.85" white oak staff that I occasionally use as a walking stick. I forged iron caps for each end of it, mainly because I don't want it to wear out before I'm done with it. It's a comfy piece of wood ... When I ran across it, I knew exactly what it was meant to be.

    But go ahead, ban sharp stuff. THAT'll work. Yup. Uh-huh.

    Idiots.

  59. not'known@this.address
    Stop

    Best tactic to win a knife fight?

    Run away. Quickly.

    Most El Reg readers - heck, most peole who live inthe "real world" - know that Government bringing in newer and "tougher" laws are not going to stop the knife problem. But how are we, the general public, going to stop our increasingly despotic leaders bringing in these laws anyway?

    You are not even supposed to organise a mass protest without getting agreement from the local Police and Council (unitary authority, whatever) beforehand...

  60. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    The problem here....

    isn't that kids can buy knives online.

    Anyone with a snippet of sense can see this and that is why nothing will come of this...

    Or am I just too optimistic?

  61. Deckchair
    Thumb Up

    Tool useage.

    Good to know that the thing that seperates the brightest primates from the merely cute ones is now a source of concern for Daily Mail readers.

  62. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Age verification

    hmmm, let's introduce an age verification system whereby everyone can prove their age when making purchases online.... in fact, let's just extend this to purchases of any kind, or even receipt of donations in case those dastardly shopkeepers decide to Give stuff away...

    Hmm, didn't we have an ID card scheme anywhere?

    Mine's the one with the Whitehall security badge in the pocket

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Badgers

    @Mashiara

    You sound rather like my FMA instructor, and with the mention of sticks and canes I suspect you practice some form of the Phillipine arts.

    Of course, I would then have to agree with you completely, prehaps adding that you can always use strikes with the pommel rather than the blade if you happen to be fighting with one, or take theirs away from them. Shows you were trying to stop, rather than trying to kill.

  64. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kinives

    Oh yes so the silly UK nanny state wants all the world to comply with UK law, oh yes very likely, Ha Ha

    The suppliers on ebay for other countries which you can log into very easily will happily send you knives, If not I can, we live in France and it is not illegal for me to send you pepper spray, hatchets knives etc. all day long. I do not even need to disclos the contents.

    Oh stupid nanny state.

  65. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lock 'em up till they're 18

    Rether than trying to make the world completely safe for our kids (anyone tried doing risk assessments for taking kids for a walk in the park, alsways assuming you've already had your CRB check), lets confine them to padded cells and let them loose with zero life skills at 18.

    If my kid wants to stab me there are a dozen kitchen knives to choose from, failing that he could use a screwdriver or bludgeon me to death with a hammer so lets ban tools too. Ah but he could bludgeon me with a rock so no more of those - or stab me with a pointed stick (pencils anyone?).

    If there is a problem with kids behaviour it's one we've brought upon ourselves. H&S rules, CRB checks, risk assessments all add up to teachers reluctant to do field trips, a shortage of volunteers to run kids groups such as scouts, cadets etc. So the kids have to fall back on their own resouces for a bit of excitement and without adult oversight that's a recipe for disaster - as we can see.

    These TS guys are from a different planet, send them back.

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