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back to article Perv Oz burglar pumps and dumps Jungle Jane

Cairns police are hunting a light-fingered pervert who has twice broken into a sex shop and taken inflatable dolls for a quick shag out the back before abandoning his conquests in a nearby lane, the Cairns Post reports. The owner of Laneway Adult Shop, who identified himself only as "Vogue", explained that in the first recent …

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  1. Dave Harris

    from the newspaper article

    "His method of entry is to smash through walls and squeeze through tight holes."

    Do we need that much detail?

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Ooh Matron...

    'Rear Entry'... *snigger*

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If only...

    ...they had a DNA database! This disgusting (and probably dangerous) pervert could have been looked up and locked up within a few hours; thus making the whole community safer.

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  4. Ralph B
    Happy

    Fnarr

    From the linked article:

    > His method of entry is to smash through walls and squeeze through tight holes.

    The Cairns Post and El Reg were clearly separated at birth.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    He didn't even have the decency to buy her dinner first!

    They have already had the preliminary results back from the DNA test and can categorically state that he is Australian. The doll is staying tight-lipped about the whole incident.

    Paris has got a number of samples about her person.

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  6. Chris Collins

    Quick rinse?

    Surely a quick spritz with Flash cleaner means these can be resold to recoup losses? No-one need know of their sordid history. Sluts.

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  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    TFA.

    The second photograph in the article really should have been captioned "A hole was smashed through the wall of the bar. Police are looking into it".

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  8. Gulfie
    Paris Hilton

    "It is a real concern that someone like that is out on the street"

    "When they could have come (don't snigger at the back) in the front door and paid for their pr0n like all the oh so normal people we usually get..."

    Need check boxes on the icons - want Paris and IT? Sod it, Paris does it for me (snigger)

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  9. Andy Barber
    Alert

    Forwarded...

    ... to my Australian brother & sister-in-law!

    Hilarious!

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  10. JakeyC

    Superman?

    He smashed through a wall?

    No mention of a van or power tools, so can we assume either he's superman or the sex shop was erected (snigger) by The First Two Little Pigs Building Merchants Pty.?

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Cairns Post

    "Sex shop sicko"

    And

    Isn't it a bit weird a sex shop owner who sell inflatable dolls calling a person who USES one of his doll a 'perv'?

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  12. Mike Crawshaw
    Stop

    @ AC 12:38

    "If only...they had a DNA database! This disgusting (and probably dangerous) pervert could have been looked up and locked up within a few hours; thus making the whole community safer."

    shutup shutup shutup shutup!!!!!

    (Unless you want a job as Wacky Jackie's policy advisor)

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    on the face?

    Fingerprints only on the face? What manner of kama sutric jolly is this man partaking in?

    And @AC 12:38 - I think you meant to visit www.dailymail.co.uk, or BBC news HYS

    Mines the one with a bicycle pump in the pocket.

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  14. Ben
    Coat

    Security measures

    Looking at the photos, I can't help but think that the security of antipodean sex-shops could be improved if we let them in on the secret of 'bricks'. Surely it's the natural environment for something harder?

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  15. D@v3

    At least

    this guy is only raping blow up dolls, and not taking his 'frustrations' out on real people

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  16. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    STDs

    So, fill the appropriate part of a doll with ground glass, and stake out the hospitals...

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  17. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Cairns Post

    >Isn't it a bit weird a sex shop owner who sell inflatable dolls calling a person who USES one of his doll a 'perv'?

    Context is everything, AC.

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  18. Tony
    Happy

    Bizarre? Not really

    Many, many years ago, I worked on a Saturday for a large supermarket - this was before they sold condoms, and the manager was too embarrassed to go down the road and buy them himself. He used to get me (aged 15) to buy them for him!

    I used to go down the local chemists once a month and there would always be a female member of staff serving. Did that stop me - not on your life. And I always made the request in a loud voice to make sure everyone could hear me and with a big grin on my face - I'm sure that they thought me a total sex maniac (or more probably just a pervert).

    Perhaps the thief is just too embarrassed to buy his blow up doll?

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  19. James Pickett

    Fetish

    Why did he need five (presumably identical) dolls? Don't tell me he's only interested in virgins...

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    silly question

    but if a woman shoplifted a vibrator, would she be considered a disgusting pervert?

    why are there such different views of male and female sex aids.

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  21. Gianni Straniero
    Paris Hilton

    Jungle Jane...

    ... will doubtless be making a cameo appearance in a forthcoming Playmobil reconstruction.

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  22. Peter Kay

    Definition of 'perv'

    A pervert is, imo, someone who does something unwanted, rather than someone who does something you personally don't enjoy, with someone else..

    In other words, it should be your choice what happens to you, but don't force your morality on others.

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  23. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    @Dav3

    And if he gets caught he can release his pent-up sexual energy and frustration all over the innards of teenage inmates- a judge (in another El Reg article) said so!

    Saying that, if you don't have the balls to buy one you probably don't have the balls to use one properly.

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  24. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    "has a rear entry in the same lane as the adult shop"

    Two holes in one....ah, but if he was only a golfer and had that kind of control over his balls.

    I suppose she cowgirled him in the alley as she didn't want to get dirty. snurk

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  25. Bad Beaver
    Stop

    Pardon?

    "It is a real concern that someone like that is out on the street.”

    I beg your pardon, WHAT?! Yes, sure, it's a pity there is someone going about shoplifting and littering, but I would much, MUCH rather have some guy enjoying a stolen doll in the alley every single day of the week than that have the same guy rape a single random passerby.

    Of course, to make a point, if you use a doll you did not pay for you are as much a disgrace to society as are folks who dare to gain enjoyment from pirated media. You all deserve to be shot.

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  26. Bob Gulien
    IT Angle

    Another look at Jungle Jane

    http://www.bigskyballoons.com/images/Balloons/Jungle_jane.jpg

    He's got taste.

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  27. Graham Marsden

    @Definition of 'perv'

    A "pervert" is someone who engages in a sexual practice that you wouldn't engage in and one that you don't think anyone else should engage in either...

    ... according to the Daily Mail.

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  28. Neoc

    Re: if only...

    @Anonymous Coward Posted Wednesday 7th January 2009 12:38 GMT

    ...they had a DNA database! This disgusting (and probably dangerous) pervert could have been looked up and locked up within a few hours; thus making the whole community safer.

    Speaking as someone who worked on the paperwork-tracking section of the Queensland DNA system (and this happened in QLD): we have one.

    HOWEVER, unlike the UK version, your DNA profile only remain in the database if (A) you (or your legal guardian) signed paperwork stating the cops could keep the info; or (B) you are convicted of the crime. Same rules apply for fingerprints (which I also coded).

    If you do not fit either scenario, your DNA profile/Fingerprint image *HAS* to be deleted by law. Curiously enough, the fact you were DNAd/Fingerprinted (ie, the paperwork and its electronic equivalents) and the "destruction order" paperwork can be kept. <shrug> go figure. Probably having to do with being able to show due care and diligence in case Parliament sticks its nose in a "high-profile" case.

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  29. Steve Roper
    Coat

    Actually...

    He could possibly get done for rape. Since it has now been established in Australian law that cartoon characters constitute "real" people (as a result of which a man has been convicted of possession of child pornography for having pictures of the Simpsons kids doing naughty things), it could now be argued in court that Jungle Jane is also a "real" person with the same rights and protections as Bart and Lisa Simpson.

    Mind you, if he did get done for rape on these grounds, that then begs the question of consent; maybe we could also run in the sex shop owner for sex slavery, since the sale of the dolls for sexual purposes without their consent would certainly constitute that offence. And such lunacy would certainly be in good keeping with the mentality of the Australian government of late. Seems we're in a race to the bottom against you guys in the UK, and right now we're winning! :)

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  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Fnarr

    >The Cairns Post and El Reg were clearly separated at birth.

    "vinyl vixens", "police are on his tail", "I have had a gutful."

    The similarity in style and double entendres is indeed uncanny.

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  31. Richard

    smashed through a wall

    oh come on! have you seen those pictures? I'd hardly call 2 bits of MDF a wall, Jesus my 5 year old son could break his way through that

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