Need electric propulsion for your satellite? Want a 'made in Britain' sticker? Step right this way...

There's 4 UK built electric thrusters on their way to Mercury right now...

There's plenty of electric propulsion heritage in the UK, although the power supplies and solar panels have historically been designed and manufactured abroad.

The thrusters which will be pushing Bepi Colombo to Mercury were made in the UK, in Hampshire. They're in space right now, but haven't been turned on yet. The (smaller) thrusters used on the GOCE mission were also built in Hampshire.

'Ion drive' sounds better than 'electric thruster'; the latter gives me totally the wrong mental image

Lucas, Prince of Darkness..

What could possibly go wrong?

I'm sure there's a few "flying plughole" badges floating around eBay.

Satellites seem more suitable use than planetary vehicles - better for your local puttering service stopping at Slough really. Since xenon is only formed in supernova explosions you are only going to find it at rather select filling stations around the galaxy.

Thales kills whales

Thales make the LFAS (low frequency active sonar) that various navies, including the RN, use to detect quiet submarines and to kill whales. A deaf whale is a dead whale.

I'd seen too many beachings around QinetiQ at Kyle, and reports from everywhere it was being tested.

I was a peace protester at the time, so I campaigned against LFAS. 'Save the whales' seemed too 1970s a slogan so I came up with "Thales Kills Whales", which didn't fly because Thales is pronounced 'thall ess'.

I had a cunning plan though.

I bought two six foot plastic inflatable whales, rigged them with rape alarms tied to a string that was going to anchor them to the ground outside the Thales office in Govan. My idea was to fill them with helium and let the Thales security folk set the rape alarms off accidentally while trying to pull the floating whales down, creating hugely disturbing noise for the office workers inside the building as the deafening whales floated around, while filming it.

It didn't work. No amount of helium would lift the whales let alone the rape alarms off the ground. Helium was the major expense in the plan, £1 rape alarms and £8 whales. Wile E Coyote thwarted once again by ACME plastic whales.

I can see now I should have kept it simple. A graffiti of a whale on their walls with radio controlled alarms.

A year later I met a young mother on a beach at Coulport, and I told her I had an unwanted six foot inflatable whale in my car if she wanted to play with it. She replied, "I bet you say that to all the girls". I was not sexually active at the time but I loved her crude innuendo.

Sadly now, I shower alone in a three foot bath with a six foot inflatable whale. The other six foot inflatable whale went to a good home.

Learning points:

1) Thales kills whales (even if they don't rhyme)

2) Helium is not all powerful

3) Keep it simple, stupid

Dawn breaks...

Insert your own "sun sets on Dawn" joke here.

Dawn breaks.....?

All electric

Maybe it's just me, but how can it be described as all electric if it requires Xenon as a propellant?

Rise above IT ...