back to article Beam me up, PM: Digital secretary expected to give Tory conference speech as hologram

Putting the digital into "digital secretary", Jeremy Wright has been slated to appear at the UK Tory party's annual gabfest as a hologram. According to The Sunday Times, inside sources said the idea of having the secretary of state appear as a flickering light display was a part of efforts to make the conference "less boring …

  1. Korev Silver badge
    Joke

    Does that mean he's being promoted to Technician, Second Class responsible for the soup vending machines?

    1. macjules

      "Wright, a criminal lawyer by training"

      Gamekeeper turned poacher then?

  2. Andy Mac
    Paris Hilton

    To be honest, I’d think more of a politician’s technical chops if they *didn’t* have a Twitter account.

    BTW, is it time for Paris to be replaced by a Kar****ian? Discuss. In your head preferably.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      I can accept, and I practically expect, a politician to have no clue about technology.

      I cannot accept a politician without a clue droning on about what he thinks needs to be done in a domain where cluelessness cannot be tolerated.

      Surveillance without permission is invasion of privacy.

      Encryption with backdoor is useless.

      Get a grip on it already.

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        I cannot accept a politician without a clue droning on about what he thinks needs to be done in a domain where cluelessness cannot be tolerated.

        The entirety of British politics in the last hundred years must be a tremendous disappointment to you then.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "efforts to make the conference less boring"

          Says it all really: politicians regard the discussion of politics as boring.

          1. ivan5

            You only have to glance at the parliament TC channel for confirmation of that. The benches are overflowing at all debates /sarc. In fact the politicians would love it if they didn't have to attend the house for any reason and still get their inflated pay and benefits.

        2. Teiwaz

          Disappointed by appointment of Politicians without a clue.

          The entirety of British politics in the last hundred years must be a tremendous disappointment to you then.

          Also puts hand up.

        3. Mark 85

          The entirety of British politics of any country in the last hundred years must be a tremendous disappointment to you then.

          FTFY

    2. FlossyThePig

      Oh no!

      @Andy Mac

      is it time for Paris to be replaced by a Kar****ian?

      How big will the icon have to be to get a Kar****ian arse in?

      1. Mark 85

        Re: Oh no!

        How big will the icon have to be to get a Kar****ian arse in?

        This is stuff nightmares are made of.

      2. Rich 11

        Re: Oh no!

        How big will the icon have to be to get a Kar****ian arse in?

        The size of Wales.

      3. Chris G

        Re: Oh no!

        As a space saving exercise you could just put the arse in, it's been seen enough times to be recognisable.

        If the Tories would like to include audience participation, then may I suggest a pantomime format;

        May stands at mike:

        Audience shouts " Bojo's behind you with a knife"

        May: "Oh no he's not"

        Audience: "Oh Ye...."

        May runs off stage with a rubber (possibly) dagger in her back.

        Most party conferences are like pantomimes; people on a stage acting badly and not very funny.

      4. ivan5

        Re: Oh no!

        That is the rump problem.

    3. LucreLout
      Joke

      BTW, is it time for Paris to be replaced by a Kar****ian?

      Paris could never be replaced by one of those! Hell, I can't even remember which one of them used to be a man.

  3. SVV

    Why not do the whole conference this way?

    It`ll be all image with no substance anyway.

  4. Flywheel

    Hologram you say?

    But how will we notice the difference?

    1. Chris King

      Re: Hologram you say?

      "But how will we notice the difference?"

      The hologram has a shadow ?

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Hologram you say?

        "Help me Tory-i-Voteori, you are my only hope"

        BZZT

        "Help me Tory-i-Voteori, you are my only hope"

        BZZT

      2. jonathan1
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Hologram you say?

        You owe me a new keyboard :)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hologram you say?

      It'll be obvious -holograms are three dimensional.

      BTW. Kudos to whoever it was who rebranded Pepper's Ghost as a 'hologram'. Probably got a new patent for it by adding the magic words 'with a computer'.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Hologram you say?

        > Pepper's Ghost as a 'hologram'.

        So they found a tory minister who has a reflection in a mirror ?

        The lib-dems are looking at using a pair of mirrors to make it look like there are more of them.

      2. Michael Strorm Silver badge

        Re: Hologram you say?

        > "Kudos to whoever it was who rebranded Pepper's Ghost as a 'hologram'."

        The one good thing about this embarrassing attempt by the Tories to get down with the kids is that it provides good ammo to point out that they don't have a clue what a "hologram" actually is and that their idea of the latest technology is a 150-year-old relic from the Victorian-era masquerading as something modern.

        Much like the Tories themselves.

  5. Chris King

    It's either a PR stunt...

    ...or they're expecting a hostile audience.

    1. codejunky Silver badge

      Re: It's either a PR stunt...

      @ Chris King

      I feel bad that my first thought was him avoiding people throwing things at him.

  6. Gavin Chester

    Pah. It will be a Pepper's Ghost effect, not a Hologram...

    If it was a real hologram I'd be impressed...

  7. adam payne

    According to The Sunday Times, inside sources said the idea of having the secretary of state appear as a flickering light display was a part of efforts to make the conference "less boring".

    Nothing is going to make it less boring.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Apart from letters falling off the back wall, a prankster handing May a P45, and a coughing fit but that's been done already.

    2. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      If May saunters up to the lecturn, turns to the audience, and utters the immortal words, "I really can't be fucking arsed", walks off; that really would be a conference to experience.

      Instead; Maylexa is almost certainly going to merely drone on and on, repeating how she's going to be delivering a brexit fror Britain, delivering what people voted for, a brexit which is good for...

      Zzzzz.

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      >Nothing is going to make it less boring.

      I don't know, I can think of few things, mostly involving vicious wild animals, that would liven up the room

      1. Rich 11

        vicious wild animals

        Oi, leave UKIP out of it!

  8. Warm Braw

    If they're going to employ technology...

    ... this is the way to enliven the message!

    1. Pedigree-Pete
      Facepalm

      Selling tea to China????

      Dare I ask where Yorkshire Tea get their tea from? PP

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Selling tea to China????

        >Dare I ask where Yorkshire Tea get their tea from? PP

        From t'tea plantations on t'slopes of t'three peaks

  9. adnim

    The shape of things to come?

    Is this preparation for when the running of the UK is handed over to AI?

    1. Aladdin Sane

      Re: The shape of things to come?

      It hasn't been already?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The shape of things to come?

        It hasn't been already?

        No, there hasn't been any Intelligence in it (Artificial or otherwise) for close-on 30 years.

    2. codejunky Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: The shape of things to come?

      @ adnim

      "Is this preparation for when the running of the UK is handed over to AI?"

      They succeeded at the artificial part. Now they just need to work on the intelligence

    3. Elmer Phud

      Re: The shape of things to come?

      If only -- they might be more humanitarian.

    4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: The shape of things to come?

      >Is this preparation for when the running of the UK is handed over to AI?

      Magic 8 ball - what is our Brexit strategy ?

      1. Rich 11

        Re: The shape of things to come?

        Dig hole in sand. Insert head.

      2. codejunky Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: The shape of things to come?

        @ Yet Another Anonymous coward

        "Magic 8 ball - what is our Brexit strategy ?"

        From what I see it keeps returning 'Ask again later'

  10. Alister

    That speech also saw the PM's set fall apart, with the letter "F" falling off the Tory slogan behind her.

    So, Mrs May was F-bombed by the stage set?

  11. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Are you sure it was Matt Hancock? I'd have expected him to appear by app. Everyone turns on their phone and watches him on that.

  12. VinceH

    Please, please, please... if this is done, even if it is only a Pepper's Ghost effect, can the people involved prank him by convincing him it is absolutely necessary for him to have an 'H' stuck to his forehead. To help keep the cameras or whatever other equipment is used calibrated as he speaks.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Then we can all refer to him as 'that smeghead Wright'?

      He's a smeeeee

      He's a smeeeeeeee

      He's a smeeeeee heeeeeeee

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That MP is definitely looks like he's a triple fried egg, chilli sauce and chutney sandwich short of a picnic

  14. Teiwaz

    Tory conference with a hologram?

    As far as an entertaining gig goes, I'd rather go see a Mika Hatsune concert (and that's not even generally a hologram).

    1. jelabarre59

      Re: Tory conference with a hologram?

      As far as an entertaining gig goes, I'd rather go see a Mika Hatsune concert (and that's not even generally a hologram).

      Actually the 2013 Yokahama Arena Magical Mirai show had the best staging of any of them. And the band behind them was live, which is more than I could say for any big-production political show.

  15. MJI Silver badge

    And Ree smogg as

    a magic lantern, but is it old enough?

  16. VikiAi

    Less boring....

    Question Time

  17. OssianScotland

    "Wright, a criminal lawyer by training"

    Surely at least one word in that is redundant?

  18. Bruno de Florence
    Happy

    Cultural Appropriation

    An idea taken from Jean-Luc Mélanchon, leader of the La France Insoumise party, a bit more to the left than Jeremy Corbyn.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCbkE8sG0c8

  19. octot#orp

    Digital secretary to give speech using 19th century mirror trick

    There I fixed that for you...

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