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back to article Shiny new Capita boss to UK.gov: I know you are but what am I?

The boss of troubled outsourcer Capita has painted a glossy coat on its woes to MPs, while attempting to turn the spotlight on the government – as the firm sold off a £160m chunk of business and bagged yet another Whitehall contract. Jonathan Lewis – who joined the firm at the end of last year – was giving evidence to the …

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  1. Korev Silver badge
    Pint

    The department today handed Capita yet another contract, this time to run its fire and rescue services – covering 2,200 staff at 78 defence fire stations worldwide

    Poor firefighters, after years of putting their lives on the line for their colleagues and country they get dumped into Capita...

    Have a pint to say thanks for all your work and lives saved -->

    25 0 Reply
    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Flame

      Where's That Fire?

      "...this time to run its fire and rescue services"

      Will Hay's 1940 film was the first thing that came to my mind when I read that.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where%27s_That_Fire%3F

      4 0 Reply
      1. ArrZarr Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Mushroom

        Re: Where's That Fire?

        "...this time to run its fire and rescue services"

        The process will be updating at some point in the future to:

        "...to provide the service of telling people to run in the event of a fire"

        10 0 Reply
        1. GIRZiM
          Reply Icon

          Re: Where's That Fire?

          Watch the first 3'57" of this.

          (Marginally NSFW for a couple or three seconds towards the end).

          0 1 Reply
    2. TheVogon
      Reply Icon

      "Jon Lewis"

      So does he price match and give a 5 year warranty?!

      5 0 Reply
  2. cantankerous swineherd

    I see they've got the traditional pension deficit, presumably loads of goodwill on the balance sheet as well.

    11 0 Reply
    1. tfewster
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      I thought Lewis's comments were remarkably open, BS-free and that they were focusing on the right things - e.g. pension deficits - not just the profitable things to keep shareholders/investors happy.

      Of course, being able to blame your predecessors is handy. And turning a company around is hard. But I wish him the best of luck in building a good reputation by doing things right.

      4 0 Reply
  3. Chronos

    Holy jumping shitballs

    The department today handed Capita yet another contract, this time to run its fire and rescue services – covering 2,200 staff at 78 defence fire stations worldwide

    So not only have they been TUPE'd to Crapita, they're going to have some clipboard wielding halfwit on three times their salary getting in the way and telling them how to do their jobs despite the sum total of its experience in the field being setting the living room curtains on fire when it was 8? This is how we thank these people for doing difficult and dangerous work?

    27 0 Reply
  4. StuntMisanthrope

    Breach of contract!

    Tell him to fuck off or expect more of the same, a finance department with a productive afterthought...#adamsmithwasrightwiththemissingchapter #takeanaxe #comops

    4 1 Reply

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What a derisible company

      I disagree.

      Capita aren't the problem here. Government cutbacks and blame-trading create this situation. Without that Capita would be running a carpet warehouse in Slough.

      10 1 Reply
  6. Camilla Smythe

    I'll just leave this here....

    https://twitter.com/JolyonMaugham/status/1002816046372413441

    3 0 Reply
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Capita has painted a glossy coat on its woes to MPs

    Oh PLEASE, did anyone expect anything else?! Do as I say, don't do as I do, as per No 1 of any corporation "policy".

    3 0 Reply
  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "“quick and decisive action to address the balance sheet”

    plain English: we must thin out them troopers on the ground. Will you please give me MY (...) AXE?!

    But sir, it's not Christmas yet!!!

    No matter, summer holiday is as good time as any to address the balance sheet! THE AXE, NOW!!!!

    3 0 Reply
  9. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    FAIL

    Why does this still happen? Simple. Because British voters are cheap, gullible and stupid.

    The are told (by governments) that outsourcers will save the government money.

    The government are told this by the outsourcer's.

    Maybe the governments should study WTF they do and work out where the real costs are?

    8 3 Reply
    1. GIRZiM
      Reply Icon

      Re: Why does this still happen? Simple. Because British voters are cheap, gullible and stupid.

      Maybe the governments should study WTF they do and work out where the real costs are?

      If you were to trace the shares/stocks they own in various business... which of their portfolio has how much of a controlling interest in what other businesses, how much of what they control in their turn...

      If you were to trace all the connections between their (non-executive) directorships (and those of their golfing buddies)...

      I'm pretty sure you'd find that they know exactly what they're doing.

      The MPs/Ministers aren't puppets, they're the puppet-masters themselves, pulling their own strings. It just serves their purposes for the rest of us to look away, seeking to learn who their shadowy puppet-masters are; it distracts us from seeing the killing they're making and the fact that there's no-one else but them to blame - ooh, look over there: a squirrel puppet-master!

      They're not incompetent; they know what they're doing: lining their own pockets at our expense.

      5 0 Reply
  10. earl grey
    Mushroom

    Have they offered to refund for all their f-ups?

    Didn't think so.

    7 0 Reply
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Share Price

    “Capita’s financial woes raise deep concerns about whether they are capable of successfully running this contract for its duration.”

    Yet the share keeps rising - maybe a few more like Sheffield will start to dump them.

    1 0 Reply
  12. steviebuk Silver badge

    And how exactly...

    ...are Crapita going to make money from the Fire service? Ask them to slap Craptia all over their trucks? Make them wear wooden hats to save money? Ask them to not use so much water when attempting to put out fires?

    Crapita really are shit but the governemt are worse for giving them this contract and for outsourcing the fire service in the first place.

    Next we'll be reading how the fire service is coming back in house after Crapita goes bust/does a piss poor job or managing them. Either of the two WILL come true.

    In the NHS, the SPT (Sussex Primary Care Trust) regreated going with Crapita for their IT support. I bet a Crapita consultant told them it would be cheaper and better and some fool believed them.

    2 0 Reply

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