Oz pub dishes up really crap ice cream

DNA

A quick DNA test on the offending matter should resolve this, surely?

never complain in a restaurant, until

you have had all your food... simple...then if you are not happy don't tip.

It was all going well until...

The last comment about Jessica Whyte suddenly being unable to wipe her sons ass and go out eating. I agree they have a case if they were actually served shit but there's no need to phone it in to that extent. It's like people claiming to be on anti-depressants and unable to work after tripping over a paving stone and sueing the Council.

Not a bad pub

I like the Coogee Bay Hotel. The beer tastes like piss but that normal for australia.

@DNA

DNA in the poo? So you want to test the DNA of the vegetable matter to see what veggy's theyv'e been eating? Oh sorry you mean you want to DNA test the poo to see who done it? I think you need to do some background reading before you post these suggestions. Suffice it to say that such a test would be very unlikely to produce any useful results.

Anyway even if the test was feasible who is to say the poo was produced by staff at the restaurant? It could be something they scooped up in the street.

@DNA

I seem to remember reading here, in The Reg, that the Israelis have technology for identifying dogs from their poo. I would guess they extract bits of intestine lining from the shit and do the DNA test on that.

DNA in poo

I'm pretty certain you can get human DNA from (human) poo.

The lining of the intestines is constantly being shed. All they have to do is pickup upon specifically those cells, and they can track the perp.

(with apologies to Monty Python)

Now a lot of people poo-poo Australian gastropubs, which is a shame as they have a lot offer the discerning gastronome. A particular favourite is the Outhouse in Brisbane, that serves a particularly piquant dunny burger. Also recommended is the sheep dip sherry cake - a must for fans of regurgitation, as this one's famed for opening the sluice gates at both ends.

In this neck of the woods ...

... that kitchen would get shut down by the board of health until they got to the ... er ... bottom of the situation.

Lack of believability

When I first heard of the story (I live in the area) I was astounded at the stupidity of the family - they took the ice-cream away to have it independently tested.

Read that again: *They* took the ice-cream away.

Anyone with half an ounce of brains would have called the cops and gotten *them* to take the ice-cream away - there is now no way to "prove" that the ice-cream in the container is the same as left the building (unless, as someone pointed out, they check the poo for appropriate material to DNA, assuming it wasn't the dog's). A defence lawyer will have field day with the lack of tracking of the "evidence".

In other words, regardless of who is guilty this case is a no-show. Thanks for not bothering.

OhMyGod - I've stayed in that hotel!

All I remember about that restaurant was that it was infernally cold - it was July. No poo in the puds to my recollection.

Suspicions

Let me see, a whole family who has close relations with a branch of pubs, goes to dine at a competitor's pub, raises a fuss over some trivial matter, gets a complimentary ice cream, then accuses pub manager of serving human waste with it. Media takes to the story like flies to, um, right.

Let me try a different scenario : guy who owns a pub asks his sister to go trash his competitor's reputation. Sister kindly obliges and packs some dog doo and the rest of her family for the mission. When the complimentary ice cream comes along (proof that the pub owner has a sense of commerce as of yet unknown in Paris), she sees her opportunity and strategically stores the dung, then accuses the competitor with holy wrath. The almighty ruckus that follows means mission accomplished. Original pub owner now smug over his teleguided victory, and tabloids all over the world have three days of subject matter. Money shower is an additional bonus which family will conscientiously spend at brother's pub (if they get it).