NZ chaps' sperm not quite up to scratch The "quality" of New Zealand chaps' ejaculate has halved since 1987, with testicular output crashing from 110m sperm per millilitre to 50m, The Australian reports. The worrying news was presented today to a fecund* of international fertility researchers in Brisbane. The figures come from a shufti at the "sperm quality data" of …
They enjoy too much Mrs Palm and her five daughters* thanks to the wider availability of happy hand fun visual imagery*, so the little white swimmers* have not been made in enough quantity for the next long swim in the narrow dark canal to tummy land*.
*I've Jacqui-ized the wording of the above, as part of the 'make the internet safe for small children' initiative.
"environmental toxins, diet and modern changes in lifestyle"
Environmental Toxins - in New Zealand? It's paradise on earth (as shown on Lord of the Rings and other such films). If that's the case, the prognosis for the rest of the world is dire (read Mumbai, Shenzhen, London, Mexico City etc.).
Not got anything to do with all those cows and sheep perhaps ? What if the the population went vegetarian, according to PETA this might improve matters (i.e. reducing another factor that could cause population growth falling - http://www.peta.org/mc/NewsItem.asp?id=4595)
Ralphe, you are a giant prune. It's called word play. Haven't you ever made up your own collective noun? Haven't you ever looked at a list of actual collective nouns? They are colourful and brill and it is fun.
By the way, I know you are not *actually* a prune. It's called word play.
All this literal-mindedness makes me want to put my head on the desk and leave it there for a long long while. See, I couldn't even come up with anything oblique to express my exasperation. You people are poisoning my brain.
Incidentally, the correct collective noun for a group of idiots is a 'duhhhhh'.
I would like to help. I can send some off in the post, just pop some in a Jiffy bag* Under EU laws can I charge per gallon or will it have to be a litre to avoid prosecution by the weights and measures nazis?
*Real men come in a Jiffy
Mines the one with the hole in the pocket
Isn't that "the home secretaries office"?
I have used this article as an excuse to pop an email out to my NZ-based laydee friends advising them that I can offer some fine scottish love-juice should they find their local supply to be not fit for purpose and happen to be passing through at the same time.
I'm sure I will be inundated with requests for my services*
Steven R
*Read as: Restraining orders.
Nice one on the collective noun for fertility researchers. Nice one Sarah for plinking the prescriptivist twerp complaining that fecund isn't a noun. Nice on on the "protokids per" semi-unit. I was a little surprised and disappointed you stuck with the boring old SI "millilitre" to round it out, but on second thoughts I'm a little squeamish about expressing it in more "natural" units. Good taste prevails (or not... I didn't set out to set up a double entendre). I'll go with Paris anyway.
Kiwis have long been at or near the top of the list for the rate of vasectomies, maybe this is a Jedi version - "these are not the sperm you seek".
Oh, and fwiw, to whoever it was who said :"Nearly everybody lives in or near Auckland." PUH-LEEZE! Three-quarters of us have the good taste and common decency NOT to live in Auckalnd. To those of us (the majority of the poulation) outside of that soulless cesspit, Aucklanders are JAFAs.
"Aucklanders are JAFAs."
Sorry, but the acronym didn't make it across the Tasman.
* - Just Another Friggin' Australian?
* - Jeeze, Always Fornicating Authoritatively?
* - A mis-spelling of 'Jaffas' (Oz's favourite hard orange-coated chocolate confectionary, beloved in my yoof as the perfect missile for use during Saturday arvo matinee sessions at the local flea house, but I digress)
* - ???
* - Profit^H^H^H^H^H Sorry, wrong web site...
Enquiring minds need to know.
Penguins need to know, too.
Funnily enough, I'd rather have a PM who can actually run the country, not one that baboons like you happen to fancy.
Paris for PM, eh? Or maybe John-boy and Winnie really *are* more up your (cough) alleys?
(I also agree with AC #2 - it's because kiwi guys are getting more real lovin' than their antipodean Aussie cousins - the pumps are running a bit dry)
>>If you don't like The Reg readership, find another job>>
DO FUCK*IN What??
Leave our Moderatrix alone. Or fuc*k off.
Bestest (as my Finnish g/f says) - Do both.
Now, take my two words of advice concerning sex and travel.
Fuck off.
You and your putrid comments make me angry.
Andy Crofts, Valtatie 5 as 15, 90500 Oulu, Finland. Not ashamed to show it.
Pop round sometime, but remember, we've got as many guns per population as US.
Dickwipe.
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