back to article Argentina eyes up laser death cannon testbed warship

Argentina reportedly wants to buy the US Navy’s laser death ray testbed warship, the fearsomely named USS Ponce. According to the Mail on Sunday, the Argentinians are interested in buying the 46-year-old former landing platform (dock) from the American Navy when she is decommissioned next year. “Senior Pentagon sources have …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    .Sarcasm, I take it?

    "Doubtless the same fate would befall the Ponce if Argentina tried the same trick again"

    I doubt the RN has the reliable operating capability now to defend the Falklands, I'd be surprised if the Typhoon detachment were both physically present, operational and armed, and I doubt even more that our current shower of politicians could provide the leadership for a "pocket war".

    The only good news for Falkland islanders is that the Argentinians don't have a functional air force, and probably can't afford the fuel even if they do buy the USS Ponce.

    1. Korev Silver badge

      Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

      Moreover, Britain has no anti-ship missiles on those (or any other) aeroplanes.

      I guess the only real deterrent available today would be the UK saying that there's a submarine in the area (and the Argentinians not having the capability to find out if it's true or not).

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

        and the Argentinians not having the capability to find out if it's true or not

        FTFY: The Argentinians not having the capability to buy (or get as a present) the data from the Chinese, Russians or anyone else who keeps an eye on them from space.

        At least at one point this year there was not - the Admiralty unintentionally leaked the fact by stating which one is in for repairs and which one is participating in various junkets (all away from there).

        In any case, laughing about the state of the Argentinian fleet is easy. It is surprising they have anything at all considering the economic situation in the country. If, however, their situation continues to improve this may stop being a laughing matter.

        1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

          Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

          Hardly. History has numerous examples of countries who's citizens are eating dirt yet there is a strong military force - needed to keep the citizenry from revolting outright.

          Don't know if the situation is similar in Argentina, but if you don't have enough money to replace your old car and you desperately have to have a car, you'll keep your existing junk pile running for as long as you can, right ?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

            History has numerous examples of countries who's citizens are eating dirt yet there is a strong military force - needed to keep the citizenry from revolting outright.

            Sounds like a pretty accurate description of North Korea

          2. Mark 85

            Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

            Don't know if the situation is similar in Argentina,

            Indeed it is. Very harsh conditions there. Corrupt government, empty stores. It's rumored that many of the "police" are actually Cuban mercenaries. There's protests, riots, and people disappearing or being found dead on a daily basis.

            1. slimshady76

              Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

              Argentinian here. This move on the US ship isn't so much about empowering the military as it is about paying an obscene amount of money for something the Yankees do not need anymore. Rest assured some local official will get a succulent chop of the deal for "facilitating" it.

              Also, the Cuban infiltration stuff is nonsensical. The actual government is using the police and other Homeland security forces to try to stop the manifestations demanding to know the whereabouts of those who got disappeared by the police and those other Homeland security forces.

            2. Tom Harvey

              Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

              It is not similar.

              There are growing protests about a missing activist Santiago Maldonado, but to say that there are disappearances and deaths on a daily basis is misleading. Police brutality is an issue in many countries and London has seen greater violence in Dalston following the deaths of young men at the hands of police than anything here. Going to a protest here is like going to the shops in the UK.

              Not that the shops here are in anyway empty either. Inflation is well above any increase in income and many people are struggling with that, it's certainly not a situation similar to Venezuela.

              I look out my window to see a peaceful, prosperous and pragmatic community of Argentinians. The Falklands war was run by a previous, hated Military government. Hatred for that government is far greater here than any hatred for the UK. My former neighbours in Scotland have more animosity towards Thatcher than my new neighbours in BsAs.

              Sorry it's not inflammatory or entertaining.

            3. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: It is surprising they have anything at all...

              "Don't know if the situation is similar in Argentina...Indeed it is. Very harsh conditions there."

              Argentina? Are you sure you've got the right country?

        2. Chris Miller

          @Voland's RH

          The Argentinians not having the capability to buy (or get as a present) the data from the Chinese, Russians or anyone else who keeps an eye on them from space.

          If the Russians could spot submerged nuclear subs from a satellite, we'd have bigger problems than Argentina to worry about. But they can't. They can tell how many boats are in port (as can a tourist with a pair of binoculars), and that's about it.

          At least at one point this year there was not - the Admiralty unintentionally leaked the fact by stating which one is in for repairs and which one is participating in various junkets (all away from there).

          There are three commissioned RN nuclear hunter-killer submarines, with three more under construction in Barrow, and a seventh planned.

          The problem with the Falklands in 1982 was that there was only a token military presence (a couple of dozen Royal Marines) and no way to reinforce by air (the runway being relatively short), allowing the Junta to calculate that they could quickly occupy the islands with minimal risk of casualties on either side. This is no longer the case.

          1. SkippyBing

            Re: @Voland's RH

            'There are three commissioned RN nuclear hunter-killer submarines, with three more under construction in Barrow, and a seventh planned.'

            I think you mean 3 Astute class hunter-killers in commission, there are still 3* Trafalgar class boats floating around. Okay not always floating, more sort of lurking.

            *The RN website says four but they decommissioned 1 last week and I'm fairly sure the site isn't updated yet.

          2. Ouvavou

            Re: @Voland's RH

            You have missed have forgotten 50% of the attack submarine force. I'm pretty certain that you are referring to the astute class subs. The RN has an addition 3 active trafalgar class subs so 6 in total.

            The trafalgars will be replaced by 4 new astutes .

        3. oiseau

          Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

          "If, however, their situation continues to improve this may stop being a laughing matter."

          Improve?

          Improve, you say?

          Now, *that's* .sarcasm and in it's finest form.

          Anon because.

        4. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

          "laughing about the state of the Argentinian fleet is easy. It is surprising they have anything at all considering the economic situation in the country."

          The economic situation in the country is the REASON they keep huffing and puffing about Las Malvinas. It serves as distraction for the populace from the government's clusterfuck (smart Argentinians know and ignore the huffery, however the UK doesn't have a monopoly on mentalities associated with Daily Mail readers.)

          As soon as the Argentinian economy improves, the huffery will go away. They don't want the expense of maintaining the islands anyway.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

        We could threaten to send Boris...

        1. Rich 11

          We could threaten to send Boris

          Can we just send Boris anyway? For as long as it takes. No rush. He can teach the sheep Latin while he's waiting. All of them. And then the penguins.

          1. Chris G

            Re: We could threaten to send Boris

            Send him, he's probably the best deterrent we currently have. I would wouldn't go within shouting distance of anywhere he's at.

            I suppose the Argies could invade with ear defenders, that would make him slightly more tolerable while he's talking bollocks.

          2. Graham Hawkins

            Re: We could threaten to send Boris

            Maybe there are still some left over mines he could clear...

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: We could threaten to send Boris

            And if the sheep don't want to go to Latin??

        2. Arctic fox
          Trollface

          Re: "We could threaten to send Boris..."

          Indeed. He is after all a ponce* we Brits would happily send them at no charge.

          Our compadres from the eastern side of the pond may have problems with that example of British English. :)

          1. wallaby

            Re: "We could threaten to send Boris..."

            "Our compadres from the eastern side of the pond may have problems with that example of British English. :)"

            By "British English" you mean.... English I take it

            Fair to call it "American English", "Australian English", but by default our is "English"

            1. wallaby

              Re: "We could threaten to send Boris..."

              All be it incorrectly spelt missing an S off

              1. Alistair
                Windows

                Re: "We could threaten to send Boris..."

                @wallaby;

                what do fish have to do with ponces?

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: "We could threaten to send Boris..."

              @Wallaby; "By "British English" you mean.... English I take it [..] by default our is "English"

              No. You might have a point if you were talking about "English English", but "British" and "English" are not- or at least not supposed to be- synonymous, regardless of how many people may act as if this were the case.

              Granted, "British" English is dominated by the English establishment regardless- but that's beside the point until they start calling it what it is (as you and others seem to believe).

        3. hammarbtyp

          Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

          "We could threaten to send Boris..."

          Yes we could drop him over Buenos Aires.

          We might even supply a parachute

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

          Will Boris fit in a torpedo tube?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

            "Will Boris fit in a torpedo tube"?

            We'll MAKE him fit!!

      3. JamesPond
        Thumb Up

        Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

        "Britain has no anti-ship missiles"

        Not true, the Type 23 Frigates are, and the Type 45 destroyers can be, fitted with Harpoon anti-ship missiles. The UK could either purchase Block II+ER Harpoon replacement or the proposed US LRASM.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

      Hey, do you forget the Queen Elizabeth? The Ponce is the answer to the Royal Navy new aggressive stance!

      But someone told Argentina the laser cannon isn't part of the package?

    3. Alfred

      Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

      "I doubt the RN has the reliable operating capability now to defend the Falklands"

      One Astute class submarine could destroy the dozen or so Argentinian warships capable of going to sea before they got there, without being seen.

      1. druck Silver badge

        Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

        Why not have a word with Donald, as if the US doesn't sell it to the Argies, we wont have to go to the trouble of sinking it.

    4. Tom 7

      Re: .Sarcasm, I take it?

      Defend the Falklands? We're handing them to Argentina to get entry in to the WTO

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "I doubt the RN has the reliable operating capability...."

      Aware that the RN has it's foibles and limitations (aircraft carriers without jets, destroyers that dont like hot weather etc). But if the RN is defending the falklands from argentina, then my mortgage is on the RN. From what I can see, the offensive capability of the Argentines has gone dramatically backwards since 1982. I know the RN is a lot smaller now, but it's not trying to struggle by with the same aging kit, like ARG are. I'm also fairly sure the Argentines aren't quite a gung-ho as the Junta was back then. Not gonna happen.

      1. Steve Evans

        Re: "I doubt the RN has the reliable operating capability...."

        "I'm also fairly sure the Argentines aren't quite a gung-ho as the Junta was back then."

        It all depends what their current leader needs to distract people from.

        That always seems to be the way down there. Got crippling financial problems, huge unemployment, easy, get the natives worked up about a little island.

        Rumours flying about corruption, fear that you're going to be caught for lining your own nest? Quick, stir up the natives again about a little island.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    “Islas Malvinas” (the unofficial, Argentine, name of the Falklands)

    As a matter of fact, the official name of that archipelago, as recognized by the United Nations and used by the UN Statistics Division is "Falkland Islands (Malvinas)" in English, and "Islas Malvinas (Falkland)" in Spanish. French, Russian, Chinese, and Arabic follow the English version: Falklands in the main name, and Malvinas in parentheses.

    So both names the article gives are in fact unofficial.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: “Islas Malvinas” (the unofficial, Argentine, name of the Falklands)

      The official name of the place is the Falkland Islands. Because that's what the people who live there call it. See official government website.

      Not that there's anything wrong with calling them different things in different languages. The French named them les iles de Malouines - which is apparently where the spanish Malvinas originates.

      The UN may have a convention on the name to smooth over pointless awkwardness, and that's all fine and dandy, but the official name is what the democratically accountable government says it is.

      It's almost an excellent government too. They use Reg standard units, in describing the islands as about half the size of Wales. But also lose marks for daring to deviate from them by saying they're also about the same size as Conneticut. I wasn't aware that Conneticut was anyone's standard area. I thought people from the US judged things in relation to the size of Texas?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: “Islas Malvinas” (the unofficial, Argentine, name of the Falklands)

        ... the official name is what the democratically accountable government says it is ...

        Ah. Lovely.

        So what do you do if the government is not democratically elected, or at least not democratically elected to your personal satisfaction? Does the place then have no official name? What if two governments claim to be democratically elected and accountable representatives of the same territory? What if the government is apparently democratically elected, but another state claims the territory to belong to it, and being unfairly occupied by another state or group?

        The official recognition process by the UN was invented for a reason, even if it frequently looks bureaucratic and even silly. You are much better off adhering to it - even if in this particular case the consensus of the international community does not quite match your personal, jingoistic preference.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: “Islas Malvinas” (the unofficial, Argentine, name of the Falklands)

          If the government is not democratically elected, but is recognised internationally, then it gets to do the naming. If there's a genuine dispute, rather than just a few people objecting who mostly get ignored, then you get weird no-right-answer conditions. Which has always happened.

          There is, and can be, no perfect solution. And the UN has to try and get stuff done, so tries to have standards. But this does lead to ludicrous situations like having a country called "The former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia"

          The process is a bit weird with non self-governing territories/dependent territories. Because they haven't really gone through the same international recognition that a country has - so there's an argument to say that nobody can give them an official name, since nobody has been recognised to do so.

          Like lots of international law, it comes down to there being nobody to enforce any decision made, so there is no real answer. Partly because there's no mechanism to deal with 2 different bits of international law being incompatible.

          So OK, nothing is official. The UN decolonisation committee's final answer at the moment is that there need to be talks over sovereignty (presumably in order to give Argentina a chance to colonise the place?), so looks like there'll be no solution for a while.

          But lots of countries recognise the Falkland Islands government. They call it the Falkland Islands. That's the official name. It's as official as anything you can get. As with much law, it's all just legal opinion until you can get a court to decide the right answer.

          I don't have any jingoistic preferences by the way. Just an interpretation of a murky legal situation. If you're speaking spanish, it's the Malvinas, Malouines in french, Falklands in english.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: “Islas Malvinas” (the unofficial, Argentine, name of the Falklands)

        While Texases is the appropriate state to measure large land masses by US standards, Rhode Islands is the US standard state for comparing smaller ones.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    interesting name leads to interesting subject

    USS Ponce named after city of Ponce in Puerto Rico named after Ponce de Leon.

    Ponce de Leon discovered Florida, a US state, for Spain but his name appends to a US territory (population 3.4 million) who are citizens but not a state (unlike 22 states with smaller populations).

    And now I look at it Puerto Rico is closer to core US than two of those smaller populated states - Alaska and Hawaii.

    A curious state of affairs.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

      But how important is Puerto Rico to the greater American scheme of things. At least Alaska is full of natural resources and Hawaii, apart from being a tourist hotspot, is also a strategic location for Pacific naval operations, so the US has good reason to keep both under wraps. What can Puerto Rico offer in that end?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

        @AC

        What can Puerto Rico offer in that end?

        Human Resources - aka cheap labor

        1. Charles 9

          Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

          "Human Resources - aka cheap labor"

          The US is already over-provisioned there, and the problem's only gonna get worse. The US needs fewer people, not more.

      2. Mark 85

        Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

        What can Puerto Rico offer in that end?

        Rum!!!!

        1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

          Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

          @Mark 85

          Rum!!!!

          "Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola"

          "Workin' for the Yankee dollar"

          I should qualify that last line - working for, the big corporations based in Puerto Rico.

          With thanks to The Andrews Sisters, and Morey Amsterdam

          and a nod to Trinidad

      3. Scroticus Canis
        Big Brother

        Re: What can Puerto Rico offer in that end?

        Gitmo II.

    2. Teiwaz

      Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

      USS Ponce

      I instantly thought of the pub scene from Withnail & I and can't get past it.

      USS '<u>perfumed</u>' Ponce

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

      Puerto Rico have had several referenda on fully joining the US, but so far have voted not to. That's about half of what I know about politics in Puerto Rico though, so I've no idea why.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: interesting name leads to interesting subject

      Puerto Rico is closer to core US than two of those smaller populated states..

      And Cuba is much closer than Puerto Rico.

  4. Alister

    Argentina wants old American ponce

    I can think of one they can have...

  5. SkippyBing

    The Ponce would be far from the first former US warship acquired by Argentina.

    As well as the USS Phoenix the Argentine invasion force also featured the submarine formerly known as the USS Catfish and the patrol vessel formerly known as the USS Salish. Both of which also suffered a degree of damage at the hands of the Royal Navy.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Ponce would be far from the first former US warship acquired by Argentina.

      Santa Fe, as Catfish became, was shot up by an assortment of British helicopters and took an AS12 missile to the hull. The Lynx failing to hit with torpedo must have been cause for concern. Though Sea Skuas from Lynxes did hit Alferez Sobal (formerly Salish)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Ponce would be far from the first former US warship acquired by Argentina.

      Maybe the US Navy could add "two destroyers, slightly damaged, need some repairs and new paint, but still afloat"....

    3. GrumpyKiwi

      Re: The Ponce would be far from the first former US warship acquired by Argentina.

      Argentina got two Brooklyn class ex-USN light cruisers in the early 1950's, but they'd retired one by the time of the Falklands War.

      Likewise Brazil and Chile also got two each as part of the "balance of power".

  6. BritBob

    Time For Argentina to Move on and Drop the Sovereignty Claim

    Don't cry for Argentina, just Google: ''Falklands - Never Belonged to Argentina'' (1 page) to see Argentina's mythical Malvinas claim debunked.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Time For Argentina to Move on and Drop the Sovereignty Claim

      I'm amazed by the 8 downvotes. They really don't have any kind of valid claim - and even if they did it's not like there are any people living (or dead) who have claims to any land there. Given that the islands were uninhabited when colonised by the French, British and Spanish in a sort of imperial game of musical-chairs-with-gunboats.

      They're a few hundred miles of the coast of Argentina, so it's not like they're somehow "so close by they're automatically ours". Otherwise France would be British-owned. Although I admit that we were a bit slow on the uptake there and only stopped officially claiming it sometime around 1800. George III was the last monarch crowned King of France, Mary I was the last monarch to hold Calais - and even by then it was just a final reminder of when Henry V might have kept France, if he'd lived.

  7. Mondo the Magnificent

    Operation Malvinas

    Yup, Argentina want the islands and want them bad

    They have also been taking to Israel about buying 16 Kfir fighters, which are based on the Dassault Mirage 5 airframe, a very capable aircraft, irrespective of its age.

    Of course our government is not happy about this and have whinged about it to the Israelis, but Israel will probably ignore our government just like our government ignore the violence that Hamas reigns down on its own people and Israelis

    But of course the biggest threat of the UK losing the Falklands comes from within, because Mr Jeremy Corbyn would quite gladly hand these over to the Argentines.

    Perhaps there will be some space for Corbyn on Ponce, that way he can appease the Argentinians and annoy the f*ck out of the Falkland Island residents, as this seems to be hist forte

    1. BritBob

      Re: Operation Malvinas

      Self-Determination is applicable to ALL Non-Self-Governing Territories and is now (in the light of the East Timor Judgment), regarded as 'jus cogens' (compelling law). It would be illegal to hand over any NSGT to another state without the consent of the inhabitants. Comrade Corbyn 'favours' a sovereignty-share deal (illegal) while his own Labour Party supports the Islanders democratic and human rights.

      1. Adam 52 Silver badge

        Re: Operation Malvinas

        It is possibly worth looking up what Corbyn said and in what context. Neither of the above statements appears to be correct.

        Corbyn's mostly anti-war, which pretty much leads him to supporting negotiated settlements.

        El Reg commentards seem to quite like their war-porn, but then IT workers rarely have to collect the burnt and bloody remains of their colleagues or watch them slowly drown to death in a flooded ship.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Operation Malvinas

          Adam 52,

          Corbyn seems to be mostly anti-violence, unless that violence is being perpetrated against us. In which case it's legitimate anti-imperial struggle.

          OK, that's a touch unfair I admit. But he's an awful lot more forgiving of people like Hamas and the IRA than he manages for his own government. It's all very well to make the easy call for negotiations, but sometimes there's nothing to negotiate. The last invasion of the Falklands happened while were in the midst of sovereignty negotiations. Some historians think that this is one of the main reasons it happened, basically because it looked like the government (read Foreign Office) were so keen to get rid of the Islands , that nobody would object too strenuously if they made it a fait accompli.

          So what is there to negotiate about? The Falklanders don't want joint sovereignty. Possibly because of what happened the last time it was being negotiated? Maybe because they're distrustful of the Foreign Office? Perhaps both. Whatever, there's an easy answer here. No. It's nice and simple. When Argentina has earned the trust of the locals, then it can propose something to their liking, and then we should simply rubber-stamp it.

          Corbyn is showing his crappy old student-lefty politics when he suggests anything else. Argentina have no rights to the place. Their claim basically rests on the idea that it was part of the same bit of the Spanish empire as them, they're close, so it's theirs. That's utter bollocks. Otherwise we should own Northern France.

          He also completely ignores self-determination. Which is a fundamental principle of international law. Now to be fair, this can get complicated, for example the fate of Russian minorities in ex-Soviet states. Or when trying to sort out the mess after ethnic cleansing/genocide.

          But the Falklands is dead easy. Nobody lived there before it was colonised, then Britain, Spain and France pissed about chucking each others' colonists off, then Britain finally got it written into a treaty - and has been there ever since.

          Nobody lived there, nobody lost anything,

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Operation Malvinas

      > "Yup, Argentina want the islands and want them bad"

      No, they don't, now that Kirchner is out of office it's actually on it's way to becoming a functional member of the first world.

  8. YARR
    Stop

    If our old warships are good enough for other navies when they reach the end of their expected life, why aren't they good enough for us to keep in reserve? Compared to the cost of constructing new ones, we get peanuts for them. A reserve fleet of last generation attack subs, frigates and destroyers could be stationed in a defended harbour on the Falklands, or even St. Helena (which now has a runway). Within 24h of any invasion threat, a crew could be flown in and have them operational.

    As for the Eurofighters, don't land based anti-ship missiles have sufficient range to protect the islands from sea-borne invasion?

    1. Alfred

      "Within 24h of any invasion threat, a crew could be flown in and have them operational."

      That's not true, unless you're willing to pay maintenance crews permanently to keep the vessels in order, and crews paid permanently to stay in date on the vessels. At which point, you've basically just created full-time ships with full-time crews.

      1. GrumpyKiwi

        Mothballed ships

        The need to keep a large fleet in reserve was what crippled the Royal Navy post WW2. There were large fleets of escorts and minesweepers (plus more than a few Battleships and Cruisers) anchored in a great many rivers and harbours around the UK post war, ready to be reactivated when war broke out with the USSR (expected to happen by 1955).

        They all needed a certain amount of maintenance (and hence manpower) at a time when both were in short supply.

        Meanwhile most of the RN's fleet carriers were unable to be used from manpower shortages - not that this mattered much as the Fleet Air Arm was down to less than 150 aircraft after all the Lend-Lease American stuff was pushed overboard to avoid paying for it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The US Navy has a "mothball fleet" of reserve ships, some of them can be reactivated "quickly enough" if needed - but maintaining ships and their systems has a cost anyway.

      What you suggest is more alike the older ships often assigned to "colonial" duties in the late XIX/early XX century, because no enemy with more modern or better armed ships was expected. Anyway, I don't believe the Admiralty believes the risk of a new attack to to Falklands so real it needs such a fleet.

      Anyway, a ship can't be moored and left there - it still needs a crew for maintenance. And an operative crew needs to be continuously trained on ship operations to be effective if attacked (or you risk to hit the first cargo you encounter).

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      We don't have any land based antiship missiles in service, unfortunately as they are a lot cheaper for defending a coastline than a warship. Or any air launched ones either since Sea Eagle was withdrawn.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "We don't have any land based antiship missiles in service, unfortunately as they are a lot cheaper for defending a coastline than a warship"

        Why not phone up China and buy a few DF24 or DF21-Ds ?

    4. Gordon 10

      Modern equivalent

      Look up "extended readiness". This is basically where one or more ships of a class are kept ticking over for commissioning at notice.

      One of the Albion class Landing Craft Docks (the uk equivalent of the Ponce) is currently in this state, as will our second Aircraft Carrier be when it's built.

      This is basically a boondoggle and means they will be unavailable for anything short of a crash re-armament program for a non-nuclear WW3.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "If our old warships are good enough for other navies when they reach the end of their expected life, why aren't they good enough for us to keep in reserve?"

      Too expensive to keep them maintained. The countries that are buying these clapped-out old ships either have loads of cheap labour to keep them running, or they have a notional navy for prestige reasons so they don't care if the ships don't work very well.

      1. YARR

        I would have thought an inactive warship required a lot less maintenance than an active one. Mechanical systems will need to be periodically activated to stop them ceasing up. Aren't most electrical systems inert? Offload explosive weapons to an armoury. Cover vulnerable exposed areas in taurpaulins. It sounds so simple in theory.

        What if there was a friendly country near to the Falklands with lower labour costs, who might agree to take on maintenance work in exchange for being gifted some surplus warships and receiving training? Even if they are only a deterrent, it's more fruitful than scrapping them.

        1. GrumpyKiwi

          Nope, you need to do pretty much almost the same level of maintenance as you would an operational ship if you want it to be available in any reasonable length of time. The main cost benefits are not needing a full crew, nor much in the way of fuel oil/food.

          Electronic dohickeys have a service life and have to be replaced regularly. Oils swapped. Shafts lubed (oooh err madam), hulls scraped and painted, systems tested. If you are going to regularly test the engines then the boilers need cleaning.

          You can smother it all in preserving grease, but then you have weeks of cleaning gloop off, relubricating, testing etc. And still need to do the hull scraping/cleaning/repainting regardless.

          Not the kind of thing that lends itself to an immediate response to a threat.

  9. Shugyosha
    IT Angle

    When did Clarkson start writing for the Reg?

    1. ukgnome

      You must be new here.

      1. Gordon 10
        Unhappy

        Us old timers remember the days when el Reg has its very own RN Clarksonesquese figure.

        (Still missing Lewis Page)

  10. TheElder

    Lasers

    Lasers are very effective at blinding pilots, sailors and ground troops as well as anything that used to have eyes.

    1. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Re: Lasers

      The Argentine Air Force knows this, having been on the receiving end of the Royal Navy attempts.

      These days banned by the UN. Not that that appears to be stopping anyone (both the US and Russia are alleged to have used them).

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wasn't Ocean scrapped to save money?

    "contrasting this with the Royal Navy’s HMS Ocean, which is very similar to the Ponce’s original configuration."

    For people who get all nostalgic about the th'Empire, the grubbing Tories don't half like to screw the navy.

    1. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: Wasn't Ocean scrapped to save money?

      Not yet. She's due to be decommissioned next year.

      1. Adam 52 Silver badge

        Re: Wasn't Ocean scrapped to save money?

        I don't really understand Navy ship types, but it strikes me that the reason for Ocean's purchase - supporting small, fast overseas troop deployments - haven't really gone away.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Small inaccuracy

    Gareth, your comment "An Argentine ship dropped off a score of tank landing craft whose crews went on to capture the islands’ capital" was a little inaccurate: a tank landing craft like an LCU is big, so big the Ponce can only hold one. I think you mean it can hold 20+ amphibious APC's like the LVTP7, which is what the Argentines used in 1982.

    Also, Ocean is not even slightly similar to Ponce: one is an LPH designed primarily to hand troops by helicopter, one designed to land troops by landing craft or amphibious APC.

    1. collinsl Bronze badge

      Re: Small inaccuracy

      I think hes thinking of the the LPDs like HMS Albion or HMS Bulwark

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Small inaccuracy

      So basically you both think, he's talking a load of bullwarks?

  13. RedCardinal

    The USS what? "Ponce" I hear you say? PONCE! ...

    Bwawawawawawawa....

    *cough* sorry....

    Bwawawawawawawa...

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