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back to article Trapped under ice with no oxygen for months, goldfish turn to booze. And can you blame 'em?

Scientists have discovered how goldfish and their wild ilk survive months of winter in frozen-over lakes of oxygen-free water. The answer is alcohol – the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. There aren't many vertebrates that can survive without oxygen. However, goldfish, and their wild relatives, the crucian …

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  1. Sgt_Oddball
    Pint

    so....

    Beer battered carp can come pre boozed up?

    Though it does result in a shameful 0.06% abv which would take some doing to get that to a meaningfully level for human consumption.

    Pint because it's made me thirsty now.

    17 0 Reply
  2. Martin Summers Silver badge

    "blood alcohol concentrations in crucian carp can reach more than 50 mg per 100 milliliters, which is above the drink drive limit in these countries," said Dr Michael Berenbrink"

    Well it's a good job fish don't drive then isn't it. Thanks for the wonderful nugget of information Dr Berenbrink.

    22 0 Reply
    1. james 68
      Reply Icon

      I see your statement, and raise you a driving goldfish.

      https://www.dezeen.com/2014/11/25/studio-diip-self-driving-goldfish-tank-fish-on-wheels-dutch-design-week-2014/

      27 0 Reply
      1. Nick Ryan Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Crap. There I was being worried about a planetary takeover by lizard and robot overlords and now I have to worry about goldfish as well? Where will it end?

        24 0 Reply
        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Daleks

          probably.

          14 0 Reply
        2. Martin Summers Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          "There I was being worried about a planetary takeover by lizard and robot overlords and now I have to worry about goldfish as well? Where will it end?"

          Oh don't worry, we can just beat the carp out of them.

          18 0 Reply
      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        @james 68

        Ah, the old classic.

        Two gold fish are sitting in a tank. One gold fish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"

        33 0 Reply
        1. Martin Summers Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          "Two gold fish are sitting in a tank. One gold fish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?" "

          I had to think about that for a few seconds (it's late) then got it :-)

          3 0 Reply
        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Two gold fish are sitting in a tank. One gold fish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"

          Obviously not American - otherwise they would have been more interested in working out how to fire the main gun :-)

          0 0 Reply
      3. Martin Summers Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        "I see your statement, and raise you a driving goldfish."

        Touché Sir!

        8 0 Reply
      4. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
        Reply Icon

        "I see your statement, and raise you a driving goldfish."

        This is actually about the level autonomous driving has achieved yet.

        Being chauffeured by a goldfish with an alcohol content in it's bood above the driving limit.

        8 0 Reply
        1. m0rt
          Reply Icon

          Goldfish swims into a concrete wall and says, 'Dam'.

          5 0 Reply
  3. Warm Braw

    So, if you drink like a fish you'll stop breathing?

    6 0 Reply
    1. macjules
      Reply Icon

      That does not seem to worry some people .. pay a visit to Magaluf, Kos or the choicer parts of Ibiza

      0 0 Reply
  4. sbt
    Coat

    Tanks for the memories...

    "For those of you reading this after a boozy night on the town be warned – putting your goldfish in the freezer and then sucking it isn't going to get you more drunk, so don’t try it."

    But it won't remember, if you do try?

    Oh that's right, I forgot goldfish do have more than a 3 second memory. I have the memory of a goldfish. What was the question? Where's my coat?

    13 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tanks for the memories...

      I thought that was the way goldfish strike was supposed to be drunk

      0 0 Reply
  5. Lars Silver badge
    Pint

    "so don’t try it". One has to assume somebody has tried or it's just guessing, fake news.

    2 0 Reply
  6. Stratman

    "For those of you reading this..."

    Boozy ice cubes?

    2 0 Reply
    1. BebopWeBop
      Reply Icon

      Re: "For those of you reading this..."

      Police warned of a craze for boozy ice lollies during a local heatwave in Britain (doesn't happen very often

      http://www.redonline.co.uk/red-women/news-in-brief/alcoholic-ice-lollies-create-driving-risk-warn-police

      1 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "For those of you reading this..."

        Freezing cider is a way to distil the alcohol - producing Applejack.

        4 0 Reply
    2. Mark 85
      Reply Icon

      Re: "For those of you reading this..."

      And they swim as the drink gets warmer...

      0 0 Reply
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I usually go for a fish supper after a night on the town.

    0 0 Reply
  8. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Putting your goldfish in the freezer obviously won't work - there's oxygen in there. You need to put the fish in an air tight bag and remove the oxygen. Then put it in the freezer for 3 months. That'll do it (probably).

    3 0 Reply
    1. gypsythief
      Reply Icon

      Oh, you amateurs!

      Just squeeze your goldfish in to the top of your bottle of vodka, put _that_ in your freezer for a few hours, and bingo! Instant(ish) alcoholic frozen goldfish.

      Mmmm, tasty.

      1 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh, you amateurs!

        Our host in Hong Kong took us for dinner at the Imperial Hotel. When the menus arrived he warned us to avoid the "drunken prawns" - live prawns drowned (drowning?) in an alcoholic liquid.

        2 0 Reply
  9. Pen-y-gors

    CRISPR time

    So, could we transfer this gene to humans?

    convert excess lactic acid into ethanol and flush it out of their gills

    Drink a pint of milk and it turns to milk stout. Neat!

    Honestly ossifer, I've only had three chocolate milkshakes.

    13 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: CRISPR time

      More to the point, lactic acid is what causes cramp when muscle tissue isn't getting enough oxygen. I know which I'd prefer between mildly squiffy and cramp.

      8 0 Reply
      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: CRISPR time

        lactic acid is what causes cramp when muscle tissue isn't getting enough oxygen. I know which I'd prefer between mildly squiffy and cramp.

        Sadly, in me, one generally leads to the other :-(

        (Although, nearest and dearest might contest the "mildly squiffy")

        0 0 Reply
    2. David Roberts
      Reply Icon

      Re: CRISPR time

      Was going to post something similar.

      However interested parties should probably note that you would have to hold your breath for an awfully long time to get suitably drunk.

      0 0 Reply
  10. Oh Homer
    Coat

    Carp Diem

    Would make a brilliant restaurant billboard headline.

    6 0 Reply
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I for one welcome our boozy goldfish overlords!

    Especially now that keeping a few in a fishbowl means I can rationalize that I am not drinking alone.

    6 0 Reply
    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: I for one welcome our boozy goldfish overlords!

      it does put a new spin on "drink like a fish"

      1 0 Reply
  12. TheElder

    Sucking it isn't going to get you more drunk

    I think it may depend on the size of the goldfish.

    0 0 Reply
  13. Suricou Raven

    So, about those tank oxygenators...

    Does this mean you don't need them for goldfish?

    0 0 Reply
  14. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Goldfish can grow really large. We had some in the local river for a couple of years. Someone must have tried to dispose of them, but they seemed quite comfortable a bit downstream of the power plant's cooling water return.

    1 0 Reply
  15. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    What an amazing feature this would be.

    After sudden exercise, or a depressed Oxygen level during sleep, you wake up slightly tipsy, instead of screaming your lungs out at the pain of cramp.

    Perhaps something for the next Milena.

    1 1 Reply
  16. Tronald Dump

    Stirred John, not shaken

    1 0 Reply
    1. Mark 85
      Reply Icon

      Just keep the bass out of the blender....

      0 0 Reply
  17. Hairy Spod
    Pint

    resilient!!

    I've never known any one as child who managed a gold fish alive more than a few months, days in some cases.

    although my mum said she brought one of mine round from floating on its side with a few drops of brandy once.

    0 0 Reply
  18. TheElder

    Not interested

    In drinking too much. I hate feeling crapulous with a sense of mild formication.

    0 0 Reply

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