This is fiction, right ?
If this were part of a script in a fancy psychiatric hospital, it would be right at home. The further I read, the more I was convinced that that was the case.
We're in August though, not April. My mind is boggled.
Earlier this week, El Reg received an unexpected phone call from Google HQ inquiring as to whether we'd be interested in a "color piece" about Google cofounder and Alphabet CEO Larry Page. The invitation had nothing to do with criticism of Page over his recent deposition in the ongoing Uber-Waymo lawsuit in which he seemed ill …
Hate to be the bastard the ruins the joke, but read the deposition transcript from last week.
It'll all make sense. Or not.
I just read half that transcript. Well, I mean the unredacted part. The redacted part made more sense.
Just wow.
This guy is possibly one of the most powerful men on the planet. Or at least, his handlers are. And we throw information at them.
So - when are we seeing the film of this with Jim Carrey playing the part of page?
Re FrankAlphaXII's post: "It makes about as much sense as known unknowns and unknown unknowns"
Donald Rumsfeld's 'Known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns' answer at a DoD news briefing makes complete sense. Anyone who believes that they know all of the factors (let alone all of the answers) in any given situation is deluding themselves.
I can't say I was ever a fan of Donald Rumsfeld but I think that was the last time I heard any real wisdom coming from a government official.
"As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time. Since the Iraq conflict began, ..."
The antecedent stupidity completely negated any following wisdom. How wise you act *after* you've jumped off a cliff naked has very little bearing on the outcome.
Known unknowns and unknown unknowns makes perfect sense to me. It struck me as odd at first I will admit. Talk risk management and IT Security and that phrase (or unknowlingly, variations of it) will appear all the time. It came up 2 weeks ago at an SIEM presentation I attended
Actually, quite a lot of people with different political views think Rumsfeld's 'unknown unknowns' thing is a pretty sharp piece of analysis. It comes off as a bit absurd on a first, superficial reading but it's really pretty solid. Say you're a general from the Red country at war with the Blue country. A "known unknown" would be "I don't know exactly how many troops Blue has over in that base". An "unknown unknown" would be it turning out that Blue's been negotiating with Yellow for the last six months to launch a sneak attack next Wednesday and trap you in a war on two fronts, and you had no idea about it. It certainly *is* a wise policy to always be aware that there can be things you don't even know you don't know.
It's the height of bad manners to make fun of a gentleman's hairstyle (or lack of it) after you've been invited to have coffee with him. I shall be cancelling my subscription to The Register forthwith.
(You and others need to have some internal sensor adjustment made.)
I thought you were taking the piss, so just to make sure I read part of the transcript. This is just a sample:
Lawyer: Google invested in Uber; correct?
Page: Yes.
Lawyer: Do you recall when?
Page: My answer is yes.
Lawyer: Do you recall when?
Page: No, I don't remember when we did that.
Vaguely reminiscent of conversations with ELIZA.
Can I make Google forget everything it knows about me and my family?
No!
Well Google go *********** youself.
I stopped using your services or feeding with data you years ago but like an elephant, you don't foget.
I vow to never willingly use your crap or give you data until the day I die.
He should be a politician.
I've just read the deposition and I'm unsure as to whether the questioner needs to go back to school or Larry is a genius.
Q I don't know. A Is that what you're asking me? No, I don't think there is.
Q That's what I'm trying to figure out. A I don't think there is.
and
Q Do you remember anything? A Sorry. Can you -- can you restate it
Q Sure. A -- or state it again?
You know that old saw about we only conciously use about 10% of our brain?
Well reading the deposition and indeed the article, it gives the impression that only 10% of Larry's brain is engaged with the world outside of his skull.
He's not hooked up to some secret google AI where he's contemplating the meaning of life , the universe and everything, is he?
If so, keep them coming... Madlibs for IT!! However, reality is stranger than fiction. Think of all the people who became eccentric after becoming extremely rich. What we just read could have happened. Just google 'people who became rich and then became eccentric' It was odd that Michael Jackson wasn't mentioned in any lists, which is what I thought of at the bit about flying chimpanzee...
"I do not recall"
"I cannot remember that exact event"
"I am unfamiliar with the details of that subject"
Etc.
An early example of this was the ITT CEO in the early 70's before a Congressional committee.
A notorious micro-manager and control freak he appeared to have no idea who was working for him, what they did or what decisions they made on any subject.
My first thought was that Kieran had realized most non Californians think Californians are barking mad (an extraordinary degree of self awareness) and created a spoof. But then I read the transcript.
Nice work Kieran.
@Allthecoolnames',
You may not even need to get hired; if you can get into the offices just hang around for a couple of weeks until your face is known, then send Larry a message saying you have done some amazing work and will accept the agreed bonus of $100,000,000 now.
They'll probably pay it.
... I found myself remembering 'Jack Reacher - Never go back'. Jack is in Colonel Morgan's office:
**********
Col. Morgan: You're under no obligation to say anything, Major.
Jack Reacher: Ex-Major
Col. Morgan: Upon leaving yesterday, did you attempt to contact Major Turner?
[pause]
Col. Morgan: Did you confront her attorney, Colonel Moorcroft, at Fort Dyer at 1100?
Jack Reacher: [long pause] You told me not to say anything.
Col. Morgan: I said you didn't have to say anything.
Jack Reacher: Yes.
Col. Morgan: Yes, you confronted him?
Jack Reacher: Yes, I understand I don't have to say anything.
Col. Morgan: For the record, you did confront Colonel Moorcroft yesterday. Can you state your whereabouts last night between 0130 and 0500?
Jack Reacher: Yes.
Col. Morgan: Yes, what?
Jack Reacher: Yes, I understand I don't have to say anything.
**********
FOR THE DEFENDANTS UBER TECHNOLOGIES INC.:
MORRISON & FOERSTER LLP
By: ARTURO GONZALEZ, Esq.
425 Market Street
San Francisco, California 94105-2482
Phone: 415.268.7562
agonzalez@mofo.com
.
Some details just leap out at you. A lawyer firm. An honest lawyer firm.
Site name : mofo.com
Hey Larry
My heart goes out to you, my problem is massive yours is my problem, your in court defending yourself against terrorism and when the most now dangerous group in our country is your platonic bed fellow that really sucks, I know how horrible and gross they are.
I'm here for you, my team is ready with my urgency ready to make this happen. I want to go into business with my entire team Team Apex' that includes you my friend.
Now President Putin is part of team Apex, let justice rein Supreme, I'm here for you and so is Elon.
I made Elon break up and see the light about his toxic girlfriend and get one Sergey don't control and that everyone else, one without the Satan's ring. I'm proud of him!
Sonya Wiley is in the house!