back to article Think you could deliver a Register lecture? Tell us why

We’re planning an ambitious series of Register lectures for next year, and we want to hear from you if you think you’ve got what it takes to fascinate and amaze our audience...or simply know someone who does. Over the last few years we’ve had a series of brilliant speakers covering everything from the rise of sex robots, new …

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  1. Pen-y-gors

    These are not the speakers you are looking for....

    I have a selection of talks that go down very well with the local WIs - problem is they tend to be on 19th century Welsh history, so not much of an IT angle. Although the one on 19th century pubs of Cardiganshire may be of interest to our readers...

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: These are not the speakers you are looking for....

      Yep. Same here.

      I did a talk a few weeks ago to a Local Natural History group about Life in Madagascar.

      Again, not an IT angle but it seems to go down well.

      TBH, In recent years, talks on anything IT related tended to send me to sleep in a matter of minutes. That might even be a few seconds after a few beers... Hic.

    2. Haku

      Re: These are not the speakers you are looking for....

      I once did a best man speech, in a completely packed pub, I was nervous as hell but it went down a storm and I ended it with "By Grabthar's Hammer, what a wedding." which I only wrote for the bride & groom to understand

  2. kain preacher

    Ahem I give lectures about how aliens control our every day lives.

    1. Pen-y-gors

      Doesn't everyone?

      1. kain preacher

        But do you give lectures about how they revolutionized the porn industry ?

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Alien

      No. You only think you give lectures on how aliens control our every day lives. In fact the audience is just a hullucination, generated by the aliens, in order to stop you from actually telling people.

      Just as I only think I'm typing this post, and in actual fact when I hit post it will simply disapper from my computer, never to be seen again.

      The trick I've discovered is that if you throw away your tinfoil hat and replace it with a teacosy, they can no longer control your mind!

      1. Pirate Dave Silver badge
        Pirate

        "Just as I only think I'm typing this post, and in actual fact when I hit post it will simply disapper from my computer, never to be seen again."

        Your error is in assuming that the computer is actually there...

  3. Commswonk

    Erratum...

    The only other requirement is to be able to hold the attention of a roomful of very switched-on, occasionally invariably argumentative people...

    FTFY

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Getting the attention

      is easy. JUst tell them to switch their effing phones off for the next two hours.

      That's the touch paper lit...

      Rioting will ensue.

  4. Warm Braw

    What's the fee?

    I'd be happy to put it behind the bar and then noone is going to care what I say...

    1. Nick Kew

      Re: What's the fee?

      And would it cover expenses for travel to Vulture Academy? Train fare alone being into three figures nowadays. You'd'a thunk a techie rag could conduct lectures online!

      1. Alistair
        Pint

        Re: What's the fee?

        If it were me, I get the feeling they'd make me swim it. But then I'd have a hell of a subject to discuss....

  5. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    I've got a seminar on the backflow prevention as part of the Water Regulations if anyone's interested? I've got the Powerpoint done and everything.

    Anyone...

    Anyone...

    Anyone?

    Anyone?

    ...sniff...sniff...sniff...

  6. Mystic Megabyte
    Unhappy

    Gi'sajob

    I could talk for 2 to 3 hours on how stupid the USAian (*New York City) musicians were that I had the misfortune to tour Europe with.

    *Apologies to non New Yorkers

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bar?

    Bar? Did someone say bar? Hmm, I might be tempted, except that train trip across the Atlantic would be a bit less than desirable.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about a lecture on Wormholes? Specifically those in the subclass of Oligochaeta.

    I'm sure I could dig something up.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not a lecture

    I can give a neo-luddist prognostication of our impending digital dystopia.

    I'm going to post it anyway, but if you want me to appear in person,

  10. russell 6

    I can give lectures on this and do group discussion after on these subjects. Yes I was in Syria to document the war. I'm fascinated by economics and the future global economic system, am currently working with a company that is designing and building cutting edge automated production lines.

    https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/documenting-syria/

    or this

    https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/economics/

    or this

    https://russellchapman.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/the-rise-of-the-machines-how-they-will-change-your-life/

    For travel and hotel expenses am open to discussion

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Boo, get out neoliberal technocrat

  11. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Angel

    Probably not

    I've been able to talk for over an hour on the softsynth I work on, but it's a rather narrow field and not really IT related. Besides, someone's bound to ask a question I don't know the answer to - there's plenty available!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd be terrible...

    Unbelievably poor. I've got away with knowing f**k all about technology or indeed anything much for years now, and received a good amount of cash for my ignorance, mainly because I don't talk much and certainly don't offer opinions. I just agree with whoever my manager is that week, then return to my usual state of blank calm, whilst they get stressed.

    For enough cash I'll give it a go, of course, who wouldn't, but don't say you weren't warned.

    Why not pick that Russel 6 chap above? He seems eager to please and has documented the war developing systemd or enveloping Syria - I forget which.

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