back to article AWS offers $20 bribe to derps who buy old IoT condom-o-matic dunce dobbers

Amazon Web Services is so desperate to shift its AWS Internet of Things Buttons that it is offering free AWS credits, tech support and even design services to anyone who buys them – and has relaunched its "enterprise program" to boot. The AWS IoT Button is supposed to be a one-donk order system for items such as pizza and …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    It would be useful...

    If it had built-in GPS so the (drone) delivery could be done straight to your current location...

    1. wolfetone Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: It would be useful...

      There would be far less pregnancies if that were to happen.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It would be useful...

        There would be far less pregnancies if that were to happen.

        Too true. Nothing like having a hot pizzza dropped on your bare arse by a drone to put you off your stroke.

      2. TitterYeNot
        Coat

        Re: It would be useful...

        "There would be far less pregnancies if that were to happen"

        This is true, but the drone would have to be able to get there in less than thirty seconds in less than fifteen minutes in order to save the day.

        <Coughs>

        1. wolfetone Silver badge

          Re: It would be useful...

          "...in less than thirty seconds in less than fifteen minutes in order to save the day."

          She's quick then?

          1. InfiniteApathy
            Coat

            Re: It would be useful...

            Do you want a quickie or the full two minutes? ---->

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It would be useful...

        "There would be far less pregnancies if that were to happen"

        fewer

        sorry.

  2. Jim Butler

    Useful in specific circumstances

    I have two of the Amazon dash buttons..

    House with three kids, bog roll disappears at an exponential rate. When down to last 9 pack press button stuck to the wall of the cupboard, crisis averted. Also have one for dishwasher tablets that seem to run out at inconvenient times (3 kids make an awful lot of washing up). Could do with one for washing powder too but we only use one brand and they don't do a button for it. I must remember to look for a tomato ketchup dash button too...

    Ordering from Amazon is actually cheaper than going to get them myself.

    I presume getting the condom dispensing button means you won't find yourself needing to have a bog roll one in years to come!

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: When down to last 9 pack

      How is the crises averted? Magical Replicator delivery via internet?

      Or do you live in a 19th C style American Rural retreat? I'm rural and it's a 20 minute ROUND trip to the cheapest supplier, or 5 minutes to the village shop.

      I like mail order using the Internet instead of a printed catalogue and posted order, it's more convenient and faster (except from outside Europe). However for food, basic household items, footwear, many clothes and large heavy things the local retail suppliers are actually cheaper and I'm more likely to get something uncrushed, fresh or fits.

      If I'm sick I can even use the sort of service people had from 19th C. to 1960s, instant contact of retailer and home delivery (Tesco via Internet and various fast food via phone or internet).

      These Amazon buttons are a malicious supplier "lock in" for the terminally lazy.

      My coat might have my phone (inc internet) or car keys. Both far useful than this Amazon tat pushed on their home page. You can imagine what I think of Amazon Echo.

    2. Rich 11

      Re: Useful in specific circumstances

      When I were a lad we used to joke that Mum stocked up the house with so much soap and bog roll that we'd have enough to see us through a nuclear winter. But I suppose her approach was too old-fashioned and non-technical for people nowadays to grasp.

    3. John B 1

      Re: Useful in specific circumstances

      How many times can a bored child push a magic bogroll button? Aleph-null, that's how namy.

      1. Tom 38

        Re: Useful in specific circumstances

        It doesn't matter how many times the button is pressed, it will only order one per day.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Useful in specific circumstances

          One per "CPU Day" not "Solar Day" ...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Useful in specific circumstances

      You have to be unbelievably forgetful and disorganized to need a toilet paper ordering button in your house! If you can remember (or put on a list) to buy more milk, or more apples or more spam when you run short, surely you can remember to buy more tp. Otherwise you are going to need one hell of a lot of buttons in your house, and pressing the wrong one will mean you need to either eat four apples a day before they go bad, or press some other buttons to get everything you need to make a few apple pies.

  3. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge
    Trollface

    If only...

  4. FuzzyWuzzys

    "Exactly why you'd route your light switches through the cloud instead of using an inexpensive copper wire is completely beyond your correspondent. Hey ho."

    The answer is almost always, "'Cos you can!". I suggest you watch the episode of Big Bang Theory where they route the on/off switch to their flat's table lamp to website and they get very excited as they track it as a some gonks in China use their fledgling IoT remote switch!

  5. tiggity Silver badge

    Being installed in Whitehouse now

    The "I'm bored" button

    When pressed requests a duo of watersports loving hookers to the West Wing

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Meh

      Re: Being installed in Whitehouse now

      That would actually make more sense if the Clintons were moving back in today...

  6. Timo

    they probably made some money from the advertising

    Amazon maybe isn't getting the advertising revenues they expected - I'm sure Tide and Charmin pitched in to make these a reality.

    Supermarkets are strange - the business setup is nearly opposite of what you'd assume. It is more like real estate where the shelf space is what they rent out, and make a very small margin on the actual sales.

  7. cd

    I'll take a dozen, set them to order up expensive medical supplies with every press, then stick them on the wall of a hospital with a Do Not Press This Button sign next to them.

    The hilarious thing in the AWS post is the amount of background work that it takes to set up a simple time-saving button vs setting a repeating calendar notification.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was mildly interested...

    ...when I saw the "Amazing Grass" button, but no, it's a health store drink thing. I should have guessed since it doesn't connect to Tor and spend bitcoins... Come on Jeff, you know it makes sense.

    We need a "Stash Button"!

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