back to article Bungling ATM thieves blow up bank statement machine

"Not very clever" bank thieves have blown up an automated statement printer in Berlin instead of the ATM they were hoping to empty. In a laconic statement auf Deutsch titled "Shredding differently" (who says Germans have no sense of humour?), the local cops said: "Presumably not very clever criminals succeeded in forcibly …

  1. Rainer

    It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

    Bank statement = Kontoauszug

    Printer = Drucker

    1. Geronimo!

      Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

      You beat me to it, Rainer ;)

    2. Adam 1

      Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

      Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftkontoauszugsdrucker

      Do I win?

      1. seven of five

        Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

        Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftkontoauszugsdruckerwartungsbevollmaechtigter.

        > Do I win?

        No.

        1. Blank-Reg
          Paris Hilton

          Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

          Did you fall asleep at the keyboard or is that a legitimate word in use? Or is it one of those, like that Welsh station name, that was sort of made up for promotional purposes...

          1. seven of five

            Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

            Apart from the statement printer nothing is a "proper" word used. And these are dying out as well (usually more quiet, though).

          2. cd

            Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

            Can't be Welsh, it has vowels.

        2. Hans 1
          Boffin

          Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

          Schifffahrt takes three f's now ... well, since 1996, so you both lose ;-)

          Tut mir wirklich leid, ja!

      2. GrumpenKraut
        Headmaster

        Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

        > Do I win?

        Not quite, you dropped an 's':

        Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaft[s]kontoauszugsdrucker

        Btw. that would be a valid word.

      3. Captain DaFt

        Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

        "Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftkontoauszugsdrucker"

        "Do I win?"

        Only if you can say it three times really fast. ☺

    3. big_D Silver badge

      Re: It's "Kontoauszugsdrucker"

      Yep, the ATMs usually show the balance, but you use the printer to get your bank statement - or you wait a couple of months and they send it to you...

  2. Bigbird3141
    FAIL

    Not an isolated case

    When our local newsagent had an ATM installed, local thieves were so well informed that they stole it before it had been commissioned and was still empty.

    1. CustardGannet
      Facepalm

      Re: Not an isolated case

      Reminds me of the case where (would-be) thieves ripped apart no less than 83 supermarket trolleys in the dead of night, hoping to get the £1 coins out, before (possibly) realising that the coins get returned when shoppers put the trolleys back in the rack.

      [Yes it really happened - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/4599946.stm ]

      1. GrumpenKraut

        Re: Not an isolated case

        Trolleys... I once witnessed a couple of women attempting to circularly join three Aldi trolleys to avoid losing that final coin. In the end they actually managed to do it, much to my amazement.

        The shop was about 100 meters away.

  3. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    "In Germany cash machines do not normally show the account balance. Instead separate machines, known as Kontoauszuege, print your bank balance for you."

    Almost. The ATM will usually be able to show your balance, but won't be able to print a statement. That's what the Kontoauszugsdrucker is for (see post above). Because "Was Du schwarz auf weiß besitzt, kannst Du getrost nach Hause tragen", oder so ähnlich. Anyway, Goethe.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      So much for German efficiency.

      1. GrumpenKraut
        Mushroom

        > So much for German efficiency.

        My wild guess would rather go for some east-European efficiency.

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Andy Non Silver badge
    Coat

    Maybe it was a disgruntled British tourist

    Who'd just checked the balance of their Tesco account?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    reminds me of the Italian Job

    You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

  7. H in The Hague

    Might be Dutch

    According to one of the Dutch newspapers, a number of Dutch criminals targeting ATMs have moved their focus from the Netherlands to Germany. Not sure if that's because Dutch ATMs are now better protected or if they just wanted to excercise their freedom of movement :) So kids, if you want to commit a crime abroad you'd better pay attention at school so you understand the language and choose the right target for your nefarious activities.

    1. big_D Silver badge

      Re: Might be Dutch

      Although Berlin is a way aways.

      They usually do it around here (Lower Saxony). They pump gas into the machine and then ignite it, blowing the machine apart, so they can get at the cash.

      The banks are now retro fitting the ATMs so that in the event of such an explosion, the money will be sprayed with dye.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        Re: Might be Dutch

        A better idea if for the Bank manager just to funnel it into their Jag/Merc... why let the crims have the fun of an explosion, when we can have the fun of at least getting all that petrol off them!

        Troll icon, because it is probably the right time to do it when done to the criminals.

        1. big_D Silver badge

          Re: Might be Dutch

          Gas, not petrol. As in propane.

  8. Peter2 Silver badge

    "The German outpost of top-notch foreign news folk The Local, which originally spotted the police statement, noted that Germans seem to make a habit of bizarre failed robberies."

    Alternately, perhaps the German media doesn't publicise successful robberies much which may lead to people thinking "that's easy, I could do that".

    Instead by publishing all of the failures and few of the successes, they might lead people to think "Robbers are stupid, and don't get away with anything! And they now have the Polizei after them, the fools!" Much the same as the old British films, which usually covers the robbers but ends with them failing spectacularly with an unsubtle subtext of "Now look here, crime doesn't pay and we WILL catch you".

    1. quxinot

      ^ So very true.

      Anyone knows that the proper equipment to rob a bank is a good suit and tie, not explosives.

      1. big_D Silver badge

        They don't use explosives. ;-)

        They use propane gas tanks and some tubing.

  9. Rich 11
    Pint

    Alte Wilhelm

    Brilliant!

    1. big_D Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Alte Wilhelm

      Although the correct term is "die Bullen".

      But yes, a great translation of the English into German.

  10. Tikimon

    Bicycle as escape vehicle can work!

    A few years ago, we had a run of bank robberies committed by the same person. They were in fact using a mountain bike to clear the area. They scouted their escape routes in advance, planning them to run through wooded areas. The cops of course were scouring the roads. On emerging from the woods a fair distance away, they switched to a parked car. Clean getaway over and over. I believe they finally messed up on their 25th robbery or so.

    1. Rainer

      Re: Bicycle as escape vehicle can work!

      Ah, well. Knowing when to call it quits....

      The guys (and the girl) who ran an underground death-squad killing foreigners earned their money by robbing banks. IIRC, they often got away by bike and switched to their own camper, posing as tourists.

      But after a while, the police realized that they were missing something and changed their tactic.

      They committed suicide rather than doing time.

    2. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Re: Bicycle as escape vehicle can work!

      Yep. One of our local burglars has the same trick. He breaks into houses at the top of the hill then rides off downhill through the woods.

      He's a bugger to catch because there are so many routes back to the estate where him and his mates live. That and he has a tendency to put any unarmed Police into hospital.

  11. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    The thieves...

    later issued a statement

  12. ShadowDragon8685

    Are we really sure it was a botched robbery, and not explosive vandalism, perhaps by someone upset that his bank statement did not match what he believed it should?

    1. Rainer

      You would think that by the time they've got their kit ready for bombing the shit out of a bank-statement-printer, they should have gotten sober again....

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