back to article Swiss, geez: Robo-hooker coffee shop to be erected in Geneva

A cafe owner from Switzerland is planning to open a coffee shop sex parlour staffed by robotic filles de joie. Bradley Charvet told Swiss newspaper Le Matin this week that he had planned to have his so-called Cafe Fellatio in Geneva staffed by human sex workers, but after running into legal hurdles he is now looking to …

  1. frank ly

    Being Sensible

    Has the cafe owner done any market research to determine if he'd have enough regular customers to make this worthwhile?

    I'm sure I'm not the only commentard here who wouldn't want to be seen on the same street as this establishment.

    1. Jedit Silver badge
      Angel

      "I'm sure I'm not the only commentard here..."

      I know I wouldn't patronise an establishment like this. I hate coffee.

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    It's early...

    ...but there's a Star*ucks joke in there, I guess I need coffee?

    1. Simon Harris

      Re: It's early...

      Well, it does make a change from Starbucks, where it's just the coffee that sucks.

      1. Anonymous Custard
        Joke

        Re: It's early...

        There's a Grindr joke in there too somewhere, although likewise I haven't had enough coffee yet to do it justice...

        1. herman

          Re: It's early...

          The baristas will be called Coffee Grindrs instead.

          You are welcome, I'll be here all week.

    2. You aint sin me, roit

      Re: It's early...

      Something about having your coffee creamy and frothy?

  3. Alister

    Prostitution is legal in Switzerland, but laws don't allow the, er, services to be offered in any restaurant that also serves food and drink.

    Well no, I mean who wants coffee grounds and cake crumbs in their bed, really?

    Perfectly sensible, in my view...

  4. James 51
    Terminator

    Anyone ever read the first Red Dwarf book? Rimmer has some relevant if eye watering experience.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    It'd be a real turn off to find out the Sexbots were all running Windows.

    "It looks like you're about to blow, can I help out with anything?"

    "Nnnnnnnghhhhhh-aaaaaah! Thanks for nothing Cortana and get rid of that bloody paper clip"

    1. VinceH
      Coat

      I'd have thought the telemetry would be slightly more worrying.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Pint

        I'd have thought the telemetry would be slightly more worrying.

        Don't worry - I don't think Microsoft is after its customer liquid assets.

    2. NorthernCoder
      Coat

      "all running Windows"

      Obviously it has to be an embedded system, with an ARM Cortex-M type of processor.

      You know, with a "Hard fault handler".

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: "all running Windows"

        What? 13+ hours since the Windows reference was posted, and no "Windows sucks" comments yet?

    3. Eddy Ito

      A bloody paper clip!? I'd think they'd charge extra for that kind of thing.

  6. Ralph B

    London

    I'm pretty certain I recently read about a London cafe already offering identical services - only employing humans. However, I am unwilling to enter to required search terms on the company's network in order to locate it. Perhaps some other (self-employed?) commentard might oblige?

    1. Ralph B

      Re: London

      Never mind, it turns out it's the same fella who's behind the London cafe.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: London

        punters can pick an escort from thumbnail photos on an iPad when they go inside.

        For the Swiss cafe, wouldn't an Android tablet be more apt? Though it may also depend on what the clientele are most familiar with.

        1. Adrian Midgley 1

          Gynoid

          is surely the operating system to expect.

          (Gynoids were always going to precede androids)

      2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: London

        Alongside the legal complications, Mr Charvet has shrugged off suggestions the business was ethically wrong.

        He could start off by ensuring that he serves ethically sourced Rainforest Alliance Certified Fairtrade coffee

    2. Ian 55

      Re: London

      Yep, the pimp has ambitions. He's a moron if he thinks it would be legal in the UK though, to the point where I think this is all just clickbait publicity for his real agency.

  7. P. Lee

    What? No GTA joke?

    Would you combine scalding coffee and sex?

    (That's rhetorical - no answers please.)

  8. tiggity Silver badge

    I went into a pussy cafe recently

    That was coffee, cake & cats however

  9. Crosseyed & Painless
    Coat

    So would that put coffee and cream on the menu

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    hmmmmm

    sex with a robot - maybe

    sex with my own robot - possibly

    sex with a robot somone else has used - errr, no thanks

    recently ? - certainly not

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. D@v3

        Re: reminded of a joke

        Man walks into a cafe, there is a sign on the wall. Cheese sandwich £2, Ham & Cheese £3, Hand job £5.

        Man walks up the counter, smiles at the attractive girl behind it and says, "alirght love, you the one that does the hand jobs" "most certainly am Sir" comes her reply.

        "great" he says as he reaches into his pocket, pulls out £2 and says "be a dear, wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich"

    2. Ian 55

      Re: hmmmmm

      From the 1970s (thank you Chemistry teacher...)

      A man sees a sign for a robot brothel and, being curious, goes in to have a look. The person behind the desk tells him what a great experience he'll have - these robots are programmed to do anything sexual he desires and they're so lifelike, he'd never tell the difference. Ok, says the man, I'll do it.

      Later, he's leaving and tells the person behind the desk that it was wonderful, just as great as promised. In fact, the robot was so realistic, its nose was running.

      'Oh, sorry sir', comes the reply, before looking over their shoulder and shouting 'Dave - empty number seven...'

    3. cray74

      Re: hmmmmm

      sex with a robot somone else has used - errr, no thanks

      And my brain went from there to cleaning to bleach burns and awkward explanations at the hospital.

  11. Suricou Raven

    Engineering challenge

    Has anyone a robot to actually do this? A simple reciprocating and sucking action is easily done, but I don't know if that will be enough to result in properly satisfied customers. A really decent blowbot is going to need actively actuated soft body components, including a tongue mechanism, with enough degrees of freedom to avoid repetitions - all under the control of a program able to analyse the input from an array of sensors and dynamically adjust the movements to maintain comfort while maximising pleasure.

    This is a really tall order. A Venus 2000 isn't going to cut it.

    Not that it matters, though. The critics are right on one point: There is no way the government will allow this. Even if it is legal now, the law would be swiftly changed to correct that.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Engineering challenge

      There is no way the government will allow this. Even if it is legal now, the law would be swiftly changed to correct that.

      Before or after the press manages to snap a photo of a politician in the act of "getting coffee"?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Engineering challenge

      Should speak with the Dyson University about that.

    3. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Engineering challenge

      Well, it'll be pretty much like this, maybe with some modifications.

      (SFW, where I work anyway. YMMV.)

  12. David Roberts
    Coat

    Illegal sexual discrimination

    Such a cafe should offer equivalent services to both biological genders (he said treading carefully).

    At least the second service has already been developed (I was once assured).

    In fact, an engineer told me before he died (and I've no reason to believe he lied).

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