back to article Norks' parade rocket fails to fly, again

Japan and South Korea have had another live training exercise turn to disappointment, with another North Korean missile launch failing. Both countries had put their militaries on alert after they detected preparations for a launch, according to Reuters. That included Japan deploying Patriot anti-missile batteries and telling …

  1. Roq D. Kasba

    Success!

    Control of the media plus Photoshop equals a successful launch

  2. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Having ballistic missiles fail at launch has a strong "shoot yourself in the foot" feeling to it, although the effects may not be restricted to a single foot.

    Any suggestions for the programming language(s) they use?

    Fortunately, in case there was evidently more of a damp squib effect, so the icon is not entirely appropriate.

    1. Nigel 11

      Any suggestions for the programming language(s) they use?

      I expect that exception handling is non-existent, and that the use of IF statements is frowned upon in their style guide.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Probably starts with:

        ON ERROR RESUME NEXT

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        If (error) {

        Execute(all)

        }

      3. Taegukgi

        Any suggestions for the programming language(s) they use?

        That is a state secret. The only thing known is that the first statement in each file should be:

        #salutations "Dear Leader"

        Otherwise the compiler would send the compilation error report to the Ministry of State Security!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      launchMissle();

      setTimeout( detonateNuclearWarhead, 5 * 60 * 1000 );

    3. Dave 32
      Mushroom

      Ah, that would be a "Broken Arrow" incident. We've had enough experience with them on this side of the pond:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_military_nuclear_incident_terminology#Broken_Arrow_incidents

      As for programming language, that would presuppose the use of a computer on board the rocket. Is there any evidence that the rocket has such a computer? Or, is it the ultimate in "fire and forget" type of a rocket (as in, once you fire it, you can forget about it, because you're not going to have any control over it anyway!). ;-)

      Dave

      P.S. My father-in-law was very close to the impact point for that first Broken Arrow. And, I have a friend who was quite close to the Goldsboro incident (close as in "would have been in the blast radius"). And, that one came perilously close to going off. For that matter, the Damacus incident was a little too close for comfort, although, really, all of them have been.

      1. Triggerfish

        I'd more suspect fun with fuel mixture over software.

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge

      "Any suggestions for the programming language(s) they use?"

      probably C-pound with '.Not' on a pirated copy of Win-10-nic

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    N.K. Announces new stealth technology.

    Tells the world the launches were entirely successful, but the stealth technology used meant no one else could detect the launch.

    Joke (for now)

  4. Alan Brown Silver badge

    Parade rockets

    A lot of the ones parading through Red Square back in the day were painted cardboard.

    The Norks (being a soviet creation) are likely to do the same thing. They might even believe their painted cardboard versions can actually fly.

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: Parade rockets

      To be fair I doubt anyone thinks it's a good idea to wheel a fully armed warhead through the streets. And as for showing off a weapons system that's not really operational, well, pretty much every arms company ever has done that (the F-35 has been being pimped out as a photo op since 2007 at least and it's not operational yet).

      1. Dave 32
        Pint

        Re: Parade rockets

        > To be fair I doubt anyone thinks it's a good idea to wheel a fully armed warhead through the streets.

        No, it's a much better idea to load them on accident prone aircraft and fly them overhead. ;-)

        Dave

        P.S. I'll get my coat. It's the one with the Potassium Iodide tablets in the pocket.

        1. Triggerfish

          Re: Parade rockets

          Colleagues father used to be stationed at Spandau, apparently when it was the Soviets turn they rolled in with all sorts of toys as a show of force.

  5. John Sager

    Rocket scientist attrition rate

    Given the SOP over there for the price of failure, I wonder if they'll get a successful test before all the techs who might conceivably pull it off are banged up or executed (by ack-ack).

    1. Nigel 11

      Re: Rocket scientist attrition rate

      The price of success may be a more certain version of the price of failure. With failure, you have a chance of blaming it on something or somebody other than yourself. With success, you absolutely are in posession of information which you have absolutely no need to know for any longer, and a bullet in your head fixes that security problem.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Rocket scientist attrition rate

        You work in HR, and I claim my 6,5562 EUR (at current excange rate)!

        But seriously, who will build the jetpack for the beloved leader if they keep killing the rocket scientists?

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: Rocket scientist attrition rate

          I've just remembered: there is a scene in Billy Wilder's brilliant 'One Two Three' where the recently defected commissar Peripetchikoff explains that in the American space programme launch control has one button on their console to blow up a faulty rocket, whereas in the soviet space programme launch control has two buttons - one to blow up the rocket and one to blow up its designer.

          Couldn't find the exact quote, sorry. Just watch the movie, it's really good.

        2. Dave 137

          Re: Rocket scientist attrition rate

          He doesn't need a rocket pack- he's already proven he can fly, duh.

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Rocket scientist attrition rate

      "I wonder if they'll get a successful test before all the techs who might conceivably pull it off are banged up or executed "

      no worries, Kim Jong "fatass" aka "Cartman" will save the day, because "Dearest Leader" is the wisest, most brilliant example of human achievement on the planet...

  6. Fungus Bob

    Three words

    Vi A Gra

    Problem solved...

  7. Rick Brasche

    it's all fun and games

    until one actually works.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like