This fellow down the pub...
.. he offered me some animals, goes by the name Noah.
London's finest have issued an appeal for help in tracing a chimpanzee in a top hat, which was last seen in the company of a menagerie including a sloth, a giraffe, a penguin and a couple of lions. According to the Met, the sinister creature was one 18 stuffed animals lifted from a warehouse in Wandsworth last Tuesday in a …
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Lester!
Are you sure that thing's properly stuffed and not just restin'??
I mean - it doesn't look like its nailed to its perch ...
I mean - you didn't take it to the States with you by any chance ...
And let it have a quick flight in New York State the other day - you know - just to give it a chance to make itself comfy ...
Enquiring minds etc etc ...
Dammit, that's what I get for being curious. I'll need new eyeballs and a brain-wipe now. I don't know whether I'll lie awake tonight huddled in terror beneath the covers, or endure sleep punctuated by ragged screams and profuse sweating.
The worst part? For the rest of my life, as I meet someone new, I'll wonder... is this one of the creators of those fevered abominations that shattered my previously well-adjusted life?
Curiosity killed the cat, and he got out the easy way...