Trick image?
Interesting trick image. If you stare at it for more than 5 minutes, an Alistair Dabbs article appears.
Yep, coat, thanks.
My prospective client is staring at my nuts. The quality of my work is apparently not too important. What really matters are the warm bits that dangle between my legs. Indeed, the human resources rep is insisting that I be prepared to present my lobster and urchins on demand, as regularly as possible. You’d think I would be …
The image is free to use (emphatically not public domain, mind) and there are no objections or limits placed on its use, as published by the lady depicted and the copyright owner of the image.
While any objections on her part would not be particularly effective, I believe if you use an image for free, you should at least have the decency to ask the copyright owner if she is okay with being used as a caption image for an article like this.
Mind you, a reverse image search appears to make her the poster child of the Internet for sex in the workplace...
ha. I'm not not a man.nope. not anymore. I'm not even a number. We're all barely, and just about, a barcode these days.or the advanced might organisations might have us down using ocular biometic or fingerprint. DNA seqencing is coming onstream soon as the primary identity verification. They will take it from children at birth and embed it's code in your national insurance card.
*sigh* i thought i'd be long gone before this tracking junk happened. Or we'd at least have Mars to escape to easily. Shame on my short-shiited ness.Catch you on the flip side good folks.
A big plus for "Arse-eye" is the fact that it is gender neutral. The under-desk system would be "looking" at a different mass sizes for women than men. That may be seen as an advantage but the system might run into problems with transgender occupants. In fact, I just noticed that the word occu-"pant" is quite appropriate for Arse-eye....
TGIF...
Could you, or any other kind readers, determine the actual topic of this article? I read through it a number of times, but could not tell what was real, what was the author enjoying the writing, and what the story was about. Many pardons if it is obvious to others, but I didn't get it.
Could you, or any other kind readers, determine the actual topic of this article?
Yes.
Many pardons if it is obvious to others, but I didn't get it.
I would say the content of the comments section is sufficient evidence that the article was clear enough to a substantial audience.
Humor, of course, is not universal. We don't expect everyone to respond the same way to a given piece of writing.
One of those shelves that hang from a worktop, a hot water bottle or small electric heat-pad, a very small pivoting fan (or one of those Chinese cat statues that waves a raised paw).
Slide shelf under desktop beside knee, put filled hot water bottle and moving object on shelf, walk away. Come back at lunch time and remove for 20 minutes. Back to pub.
I leave it to my fellow commentards to add to the list a widget that generates keyboard activity to one's laptop or PC.
... and I'm willing to acknowledge someone else with a gripping hand argument ...
... I'm teaching my nieces & nephews the fine art of B&W photography. Film, darkroom, enlarger, et alia. No electronics need apply.
(Out of curiosity, am I the only ElReg reader who owns, and uses, a darkroom timer?)
(Out of curiosity, am I the only ElReg reader who owns, and uses, a darkroom timer?)
You might be, on account of a shortage of darkrooms. I can tell you one thing: using a smartphone for that would be a bad idea, mine flashes when it rings which could possibly make a mess of the exposure :).
I had a very nice Gralab timer given to me by my uncle, which was unfortunately stolen some years ago. I believe my wife has one she uses for cooking.
I actually have an entire darkroom setup, including long-since-expired chemicals, boxed up in my garage. I use the thermometer for measuring the air conditioner vents when I suspect under-performance. The print was last used to dry papers that had been soaked by a carelessly placed water glass.
It's a shame, really, but I lost interest in the hobby decades ago. I should organize the hardware and sell it on eBay or Craigslist or something.
Re: On the other hand ...
Clearly I am also an ElReg reader, and I do own and use a darkroom timer. I mostly use it in my own darkroom, developing B&W film and sometimes still colour C-41 film too, 120-rollfilm from my Mamiyas.
Not that I'm "anti-digital" at all, apart from my Canon EOS that darkroom timer is my own design and uses a 6809 microprocessor with memory and I/O etc. to save my typical process times and so on.
You see, electronics is applied in my darkroom, although the art of winding rollfilm onto the dev-tank spirals is all in the wrist action, done while sitting down with the important bits on my lap... ...
To use a box camera you need:
1. To understand that it can only take pictures outdoors, usually between 2 hours after dawn and 2 hours before dusk unless it is sunny.
2. The ability to thread 120 rollfilm correctly.
3. The ability to hold the thing still during an exposure around 1/50th second.
From memory, the failure rate of box camera exposures was quite high. Furthermore, most of them had crap winding mechanisms which gave out after a while. Fortunately they had so little use that most of them didn't wear out, because film and printing was so expensive.
Modern digital cameras can get a picture in a wide range of conditions, normally in focus and shake free, rarely go wrong and individual pictures are dirt cheap.
As for the cost, in the 1950s a basic Leica with standard lens cost roughly a working man's annual salary. The latest interchangeable lens Fuji, which is many more times capable than that Leica, costs around an average 1 month's salary.
I'm not sure what the conclusion from this ought to be, except that engineering rules.
Today, a Leica still costs roughly a working man annual salary... even back in the '50s there were cameras more capable than a Brownie but far less expensive than a Leica. After all all you needed was a shutter and a diaphgram. Russian Zenith cameras were among the cheapest, but you could also find cameras like Kodak Retinette.
Canon itself started as a company selling cheaper replicas of Zeiss/Leica rangefinder to American soldiers...
In fact the current Leica with a standard lens costs around £5000, so you're exaggerating. But my point is that back in those days, thanks to Cartier-Bresson and Snowdon, journalists were using Leicas as standard equipment. I remember Victor Blackman, the Daily Express photographer when it was a newspaper, with a Rollei TLR and a Leica as his daily kit. The current Leicas are Veblen cameras; the new Fuji has, I think, the same sensor and the lenses are just as good as the current Leica digital, and so is a realistic equivalent. A working photojournalist won't be using a Leica. That was why I made the comparison.
A modern DSLR or advanced compact replaces not only a film SLR or rangefinder, but also a 16mm ciné camera. It probably stands abuse better than either asnd is much less likely to go wrong.
I have a Fed 4 range-finder my father gave me as a present almost 40 years ago. Last tried it out about 15 years ago with some "colour" IR slide film and it worked! Even the exposure meter was still working (selenium cell, no battery required). Very sharp images even if heavy and a bit fiddly to use.
But modern digital cameras are much lighter and easier to use, and no cost/delay in processing film to see how successful (or not) you photos were.
"I'm not sure what the conclusion from this ought to be, except that engineering rules."
People rarely print out their digital pictures for posterity. They don't even back up the files. Even when they do - they don't re-copy within the lifespan of the archive media. The result will be a generation who have lost all their historical pictures - or can't read the media or process the format. They rarely edit them to the apparently most significant ones - which can sometimes be an advantage.
I have photographs of me and my family covering over a century. Merely keeping them away from heat and light means they can be digitally re-scanned at any time. Over the years digital scanning has improved to achieve somewhere near the same resolution and contrast as the originals.
My first camera was a Brownie that my parents loaned me. I think about half of the pictures came out...
120 roll film is still available.
http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/search?atclk=Format_120&ci=2545&N=4093113317+4130468174
I used to have a Russian made Lubitel TLR (Twin Lens Reflex) that used 120 film. It had basic manual settings for F-Stop and Shutter speed. I used 100 ASA or 400 ASA Slide film. The results were spectacular. Shame that camera was stolen...
I need to go in search of a "Seagull" again.
... early adopters are already out there in force, (just not too much lest they end up having laundry-related problems).
Here you have some BrownEye stretch goals, which will be seen in an extremely positive way by HR people:
- Extensible and flexible DeepDive patented health checking technology to film the last meter inside the employee and provide valuable feedback of his inmost works. DeepDive can be used too to provide a comforting reward / discomforting punishment due to its patented StretchIt capabilities.
- Accurate SnapOff surgical add-on, to get rid of malignant portions of your employees as they work, thus allowing years and years of uninterrupted and happy service.
What bothers me is the kind of pondlife that comes up with such things as an idea and then goes on to produce it as a product which they then sell. I imagine they would have been comfortable as a snitch to the Stasi.
I have found almost without exception , that if you allow employees to be responsible for themselves, they will live up to your expectations or even exceed them.
Treat them like errant children and they will behave like them.
No, it's because they are totally focussed in their own little world. They have no idea about how it might be mis-used and simply cannot see any problems.
Just sit in on a marketing meeting sometime and you'll see what I mean. Those people genuinely don't see their adverts and marketing as annoyances or spam and honestly do think that you will be pleased that they thought of yet another way to get their "message" across to you.
So... I get that AD is miffed that some companies have started to place sensors to monitor how long they sit at their desks. I get that... they must be working as telemarketers or as drones.
In today's IT departments, many are in meeting and are collaborating with their peers. Also many don't have cubes or assigned cubes. They are sitting along a work bench with little to no privacy.
And really what's the beef? If they wanted to do this to me... then they'd have to also compare it to my calendar where I'm called in to multiple meetings throughout the day. Where I end up spending more time away from my desk drawing charts and stuff on the white board explaining tech to the pointy haired managers.
Of course if they did do this... you do realize that if it were a camera and not just a sensor... you'd have one heck of a great class action lawsuit against the company.
Given that any decent self-respecting journo spends his life hotdesking between the local hostelries, I certainly wondered what the the Telegraph were hoping to achieve. And then I remembered that newspapers are gradually getting rid of their Cheshire Cheese - based correspondents (I'm referring to their preferred location, not the existence of a Morph-style lifeform with a pungent aroma) and replacing them with drones who copy stuff from the Internet and the wire services.
It no doubt makes perfect sense to the bean counters to have them under constant productivity surveillance, though you don't really need advanced technology to check if they're at their desks - a large vertical spike in the centre of the chair should suffice.
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The depressingly stupid part of this CrotchCam "solution" is that to implement it will likely absorb many times and putative "savings" from ordering people to go back to their desks.
When will the directors learn that to get people to do a good job you need to make the environment in which it is to be done as job friendly as possible and then treat the people in it as valued human beings?
I'm one of those people who fidgets... a lot, when sitting, and usually take very strange positions anyway. One of the more common ones is sat with one leg folded underneath me, while randomly swinging the other one outstretched. I don't do it consciously, it just seems to happen - much to the merriment of family and friends.
So, I would imagine it would only be a matter of time before said outstretched leg came into high velocity contact with the nadcam. At this time one of two things would be likely to happen Either nadcam gets broken {what a shame} or I suffer an injury that warrants first aid, very considerable quantities of paper filling and possibly a claim against the employer for maintaining an unsafe working environment.
"One of the more common ones is sat with one leg folded underneath me"
There was a rather nice young lady that used to sit like that at the National Rail Enquiry Service, only she would bounce\rub her crotch against her foot, while giving out time table information.
I always made sure that any machines for replacement for her group of operators were done when she was duty. :D
"Everyone knows the Australian wildlife takes care of stragglers well before incontinence sets in."
You, sir, are clearly not familiar with how our wildlife operates. In most parts of the world such poisonous, venomous or merely vicious creatures kill you comparatively quickly. Not so in Australia. Our wildlife doesn't kill you - at least, very rarely.
No, what our wildlife excels at is the infliction of mortal, insufferable, prolonged, Dantean-level agony - without actually granting the mercy of mere death. If you die, it isn't because of the venom, it's because the pain is so unbearable you do everything in your power to kill yourself. Even the plants can drive you to suicide!
No, what our wildlife excels at is the infliction of mortal, insufferable, prolonged, Dantean-level agony - without actually granting the mercy of mere death.
I have been listening all day to the screech of a large(>100 <500) flock of Corellas on the oval behind me. - my little project has not been going at all well
https://youtu.be/YbSH6bUbGEc
into gadgets..... presenting
Boris' magic cushion... simply plug the lead into a USB port, and the cushion generates a temperature of 98.8F, thus the sneaky desk eye thing thinks theres a human seated at the desk all day while you can sneak off down the pub
And if HR are using the metric of "how long each employee is seated at their desk" to decide performance for the performance related pay review, you might even get a nice pay rise too
I would never get one of those... never at my desk long enough to log in before some other crap goes TITSUP down the other end of the factory
Rather than use heat to fool it that the desk is occupied, use insulation to convince HR that these devices give false negatives. That's more likely to lead to them not trusting the system and having to do time consuming manual checking (Otherwise known as work - a concept they won't be familiar with)
Since this looks like another IDIoT* device, I'm sure it won't be long (already?) before someone has a crack passed around that'll have it sending appropriate data back to HR.
"Uh, Bill? Why's there no one in the office?"
>Bill checks monitor< "What're you talking about? The system says everyone's at their desks working."
*Insecurely Designed Internet of Things
there is a more practical solution to keep devices like this out of your workspace . . . it's called "screwdriver Tuesday."
if you discover them under your desks, the next day everybody brings a screwdriver to work, removes the devices and presents them to the pointy-haired wizard in charge.
funny thing is, you have to get everybody united to do it . . . strange how the concept of workers uniting to demand a decent work environment, or pay, has never been tried before.
Its bad enough that staff often get fingerprinted like criminals but to be under close intrusive surveillance like this makes me wonder if this was cooked up by a TLA somewhere.
I did wonder if something like this could be useful to detect bladder fullness for those who are unlucky enough to be incontinent (damned BPH!) so they can resolve the problem with less chance of leakage.
Full bladder = hotter or so it seems.
Just imagine the scene. A vaguely dubbed but rigorously moustachioed man phones up a slightly glossy faced blonde on the helpdesk to report that his (Thinkpad) joystick is getting stiff again. Typing in his name, she stares adoringly at his log for a while and then promises him she will be coming soon (it’s only two floors away in the lift) to take his particulars in hand. A few minutes later, they are testing the compatibility of their interfaces and giving their enhanced workflow plenty of opportunity to bed down. ….. Alistair Dabbs
Hmmmmm? For whom and/or what is that not a Quite Heavenly Epic Journey, AD ….. and Virtual Experience for Purely Practical Existence in AI TerraPhormer Ware and SMARTR Fare. Sign me up for life-time membership and prime timely activity in that swell club and knock ‘em dead crazy cat house. And one hell of a great intelligent and game safe haven :-) …… and Ab Fab Fabless PlayGround.
AIPrivate QuMan has discovered/uncovered/recovered/invented a Perfect AI Pass Key which unlocks the Future, and for some with XSSeXXX, to FutureBuilders of Immaculate Bounty in XSSeXXXX Zeroed Day Trading with Pirated Versions made available readied for NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT Program RePreProgramming ……. AI BetaTesting Heavenly Quantum Communication Channels/Real Virtual Pathway …… and which is here where IT is at now ‽ . :-)
The current posit is that IT is certainly there, already ready and available for self-actualisation and AIPrivate QuMan Program PreProgramming for Heavenly NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT Operations into Realising the Future with COSMIC Top Secret Power itself into Creating Celestial Dreams/Alluring Alien SeeScapes. ……… for LOVE and Live Operational Virtual Environments in Novel Remote Command and Immaculately Resourced Control when GODisaGoddess, Rampant and Ravishing in Compliance of Right Regal Desirous Wishes for Heavenly Dreams, awakens to await and clear up in all Slumbers.
Methinks, for now at least, that be way, way off, allthecoolshortnamesweretaken,
However, the above is on its merry way to Robert Peston, who talks a good talk and is surely being given the opportunity to walk a great walk .........
“There is no better fun than getting a whiff of a scoop and then landing it. It is the best fun ever, and if anybody in our trade tells you otherwise they shouldn’t really be in our trade.” … Robert Peston
Hmmm? :-) Here's looking at you, kid @Peston. And there more than a great deal more too, amigo.
@Peston "There is no better fun than getting a whiff of a scoop and then landing it." Best fun ever here, Robert . . http://tinyurl.com/h8n9nqb
Hewlett Packard in the huge but mostly empty Marlborough, MA USA facility had installed "seat sensors" at random seating locations. A colleague spotted one under his seat. Did not take a photograph as far as he could tell, wasn't even sure how it worked. Yeah, HP, great place... not.
It amazes me how still so many companies are completely locked into determining your value as an employee only by how much time you spend at your desk and exactly when you get there, instead of what you actually achieve.
Thankfully they seem quite happy to pay people for surfing the web all day, just as long as they get to their desk by 9am not 9:01, and leave only after 5pm.