back to article Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

Welcome back. Just think, it’s been a week already since glum users began reluctantly re-occupying seats that had been blissfully empty during most of Christmas and New Year. No doubt your Monday was spent dealing with forgotten-password requests, Tuesday helping the same users who had already forgotten the replacement password …

  1. Known Hero
    Joke

    umm...

    Sorry what was the name of the phone I didn't quite catch that !!!

    WB dabbsy, There seems to of been a mutiny of sorts whilst you were gone! Please could you go angrily stare at them till they behave childishly again.

    1. David Dawson

      Re: umm...

      Yes, it's all gone a bit sanitised.

      And weekend output is pretty much gone now.

      :-(

  2. Quortney Fortensplibe
    Angel

    All That's New is Old Again

    You must have had a good Christmas, Dabbsy. Judging by your mugshot, you've aged about ten years since your last article.

    1. Tony S

      Re: All That's New is Old Again

      "Judging by your mugshot, you've aged about ten years

      I thought he'd put on about 10 kilos!

      Must be all that sitting around on his arse, eating and drinking, instead of fighting his way through the commuter rush and existing on 3 day old sandwiches...

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: All That's New is Old Again

      That's what using cheapy Chinese white-label phones with SAR ratings higher than sticking your head in a microwave does to you. I hope everyone realises that they should stick with Apple, the radio signal can't even get through your hands if you hold it wrong.

  3. m0rt

    Best article ever.

    I am scared to think we have hit peak Dabsy.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Best article ever.

      Could start a new trend for reviewing products without mentioning their name - except it would take about 3 weeks for this to become the new hipster trend....

      1. m0rt

        Re: Best article ever.

        If we start it on Ello, would take about 2 hours...

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Best article ever.

      Judging by the new-look El Reg we will have to treasure each SFTW as we do each episode of Sherlock because there's only a two or three every year and a bit.

      (Apart from the last one which was a bit too clever for its own good.)

      1. Alistair Dabbs

        Re: Best article ever.

        An increase in readership will improve my chances of survival here on The Reg, so a bit of social media sharing by readers will help...

        1. m0rt

          Re: Best article ever.

          Posted on Ello.

          Prepare to have to go around incognito around Shoreditch for fear of being mobbed.

        2. What? Me worry?

          Re: Best article ever.

          Ok, I've printed the article and will post it on the memo board Monday AM promptly. :)

          1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

            Re: Best article ever.

            Ok, I've printed the article and will post it on the memo board Monday AM promptly.

            If you were really dedicated, you'd fax it to all the numbers in your contacts.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Best article ever.

        "(Apart from the last one which was a bit too clever for its own good.)"

        OT I know, but I liked the plot twist in which we don't know whether 19th century Sherlock is dreaming 21st century or vice versa, or whether they are dreaming part of one another's lives.

        sandraandwoo.com played a similar game with its readers leading up to Christmas, [spoiler alert] with a similar plot twist in which while the main character thinks she has been dreaming, her pet raccoon is wearing an artefact from the "dream".

  4. Yugguy
    Devil

    Steel Panther

    I don't think they actually have any SFW videos. Good lads.

    They're a hair metail version of the Macc Lads.

    We need a ROCK! icon.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Steel Panther

      "We need a ROCK! icon."

      We have one. Sadly, he just died. But his music will live into eternity.

      As the Great One said between sets at Leeds: "Rock on, gentlemen!".

      RIP, Lemmy.

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Steel Panther

      Steel Panther is possibly the last thing I'd have expected to see on The Reg.

      Though if I had to guess which author...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Error loading YouTube:

    Embedding not allowed...

    Meh.

  6. TheProf
    Happy

    New look ElReg

    You didn't get the memo did you?

    1. Darryl

      Re: New look ElReg

      I'm sure he was hauled into the office for a bit of 'reeducation' after submitting this.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Could any of the reader find out by the specs the name of the reviewed device and write it in the comments? Just in case that somebody would like to buy it...

    Posted anonymously so nobody would know who is somebody.

    1. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip
      Holmes

      Alcatel pixi 4 (4 inch version) would fit the disclosed specifications, but I suspect you could find dozens of other similarly spec'd phones on the grey market.

      1. goldcd

        I did try to look on Google

        http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/test-centre/mobile-phone/12-cheapest-smartphones-2015-uk-best-android-windows-phone-under-50-may-3600474/

        There's about 6 that fit the bill there alone - but unfortunately they all seem to come in way under the £65 mark.

    2. jonathanb Silver badge

      Any cheapo landfill Android device would fit the description. But you can get a semi-decent one for about £100 so not much point paying £65 for a rubbish one.

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        Why pay 35 pounds extra for a throwaway phone that's not expected to be decent?

  8. Dabooka
    Pint

    Top stuff

    But I suspect I am far from alone in having a 'burner' phone for said activites? In my case my very much beloved Razr i, albeit with my current sim. My mate for years used a flip Nokia which got retirted last summer....

    Still, I demand to know what this is, the Doogee X5 Pro is too big for this function really. Someone don their dearstalker please.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Doctor_Wibble
      Thumb Up

      I want one too v2.0

      [ v2.0 because I missed the 10-minute edit window having taken a quick look on teh interwebs and found that prices for similar items have gone down even further since the one quoted in the article ]

      A basic smartphone for occasional use, for those rare times when my clamshell* portable telephonic apparatus isn't enough, e.g. extremely approximate map location** and email without having to trust someone else's cybercaff. Possibly wishful thinking for such a budget item but if it can also do tethering for the fondleslab then we have a winner.

      * no 'butt-dialling', extremely hard to break and a battery life of just under a month standby, about a week under frequent use (better than their stated spec too). Less is more.

      ** even in the UK, online map locations are crap, I dare you to try relying on these abroad, it doesn't matter how good the GPS is when the map shows the destination on wrong road in the wrong town and it takes 6 months to get corrections done...

      1. xybyrgy

        Re: I want one too v2.0

        Try MapFactor w/free OSM maps, you can correct them yourself (and I do) and frequent updates...

        1. xybyrgy

          Re: I want one too v2.0

          And forgot the most important thing - OSM maps in MapFactor are downloadable to SD (if you've got one) in unlimited (ex. by card capacity) quantity and geography. Also android only.

    3. Wolfsbane2k

      Re: Top stuff

      I wish I still had a working Razr I, rather than one that was dropped from 17meters onto concrete!

      I'm assuming it's an Acer Z220 that was reviewed. It got slated for the screen, but otherwise it would be an upgrade from the Huweai U8180 I'm currently using , still running fro-yo!

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Software SIM

        I'd be great to just leave one's house with a suitable phone... a cheap one for drunk nights out, a big rugged one for weekend camping trips, a fancier phone for that long rail commute.

        However, being tied to a physical SIM is an issue. Yeah, I can shrug off the loss of a £20 phone on a night out, but not having my SIM for a couple of days will still be inconvenient.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Software SIM

          pop in a pay as you go and forward your usual number?

        2. MrRimmerSIR!

          Re: Software SIM

          GiffGaff allow you to transfer from one SIM to another via their web portal. Was much easier than cutting down the old SIM for DD but of course it's not meant to be used for occasional use before reverting to the original SIM.

    4. jMcPhee

      Re: Top stuff

      Dabooka, I agree. All I want is to make an occasional phone call or maybe use the calculator function to figure a bar tip after having had too many to figure it mentally.

      Those of us who do a lot of physical work can't stick a small tablet in our pockets and expect it to come out in one piece at the end of the day. In our end of the woods, nobody gives a crap about what electronic kit anyone lugs around. Chainsaw, maybe. But, not a phone.

  9. jake Silver badge

    Am I the only one ...

    ... who has noticed that anything labeled "smart" is targeted at people who have absolutely zero idea how the technology works, and thus are the most vulnerable to marketards?

    1. Franco

      Re: Am I the only one ...

      Judging from the devices I've seen recently, I had assumed smart was a euphemism for already hacked and awaiting exploitation.

  10. AndrueC Silver badge
    Facepalm

    usually just as you turn on to the motorway and 100 miles from the next service station, thereby driving you insane

    Or as my iPod did once, crash just I merge onto the M40 when setting off for Scotland. Of course I keep it in the central console. Tucked nicely out of the way right at the front actually underneath the heater controls. I can just about reach it if I duck down and stretch out my arm...

  11. Zog_but_not_the_first
    WTF?

    Why not name it?

    It's not called the Voldemort is it?

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Why not name it?

      I was thinking Hast>connection lost<

  12. Paul Shirley

    how times change

    £65? Just reminded my father that £20 on the even more disposable (but higher spec than [insert name here]) [insert other name] he was considering was a bit pointless without an internet connection or PC.

    Could have bought 2 of them with some credit for double the party fun. Next year i fully expect usable phones will be given away with cereal.

    1. Seajay#

      Re: how times change

      Next year? There was one embedded in an advert in Entertainment Weekly 4 years ago.

      http://mashable.com/2012/10/02/ew-has-smartphone-inside/

      I'm old enough to have been impressed by the blinkenlight on Pink Floyd's Pulse so a throw-away smart phone is still astonishing 4 years on.

      1. Michael Strorm Silver badge

        Re: how times change

        @ Seajay#; The Enterteinment Weekly thing doesn't really count as that was quite obviously a publicity stunt they'd have taken a loss on. The article states they only produced 1000 of those "special" magazines.

        Pretty sure it more than paid for itself with the intended result of getting them in the news though.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: how times change

      on a similar theme. I once saw a pack of 10 Duracell batteries been sold with free personal cassette players.

  13. kmac499

    SO Last Year

    Couldn't be bothered Googling all day to find the 'mystery' phone. So I stopped when I found a 5 incher with 4G for £65 on a PAYG. plus the essentails for us refuseniks of removable battery and FM radio ..

    Worth it all for Steel Panther; Metals answer to the Barron Knights...

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    [insert mystery suitable title here]

    [insert generic greeting here] Dabbsy! Please [insert URL of mystery manufacturer's website here] so that I can look into purchasing [insert name of mystery product here] by [insert name of mystery manufacturer here]

    [insert mystery appreciative comment here]

    [insert mystery commentard name here]

    1. -C.A.P.

      Re: [insert mystery suitable title here] - Sounds like a CAP worthy mention...

      Cheap Android phones...

      Like these? -> http://www.cheapandroidprojects.education/

      You mean mini computers that cost less than a movie and a popcorn?

      Yes please!

      -CAP

  15. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

    Oh please, please, please do that. Maybe not for Gizmodo. But that would be one of the best ever.

    1. Rich 11

      Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

      apparently the postman tried to deliver a Large Hadron Collider while he was out.

      You'll find it amongst the roses in the neighbour's back garden, where the postie chucked it when no-one answered the door four seconds after knocking.

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

        four seconds before knocking

        FTFY

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

      Just be glad he's not reviewing it for CNet, or he'd be forced to rate it unfavourably compared to the iPhone 6S

      1. Fading
        Devil

        Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

        Plenty of other particle accelerators to compare it with:

        http://www-elsa.physik.uni-bonn.de/accelerator_list.html

        But I'm sure there will soon be an app.

        PS - bumped into Steel Panther at the launch of COD Modern Warfare 3 - so there's the IT angle if you needed one.

        1. AC Wilson

          Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

          As the LHC ramps up its power and becomes closer to the basic question, the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, we already know the review report to be "42".......

    3. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: "Next week, I shall review the Large Hadron Collider for Gizmodo."

      Rather more useful would be a review of the next generation collider, including details of what particles it can find, so that we know whether it is worth buying one.

  16. theOtherJT Silver badge

    \m/

    I turned up to work seriously hung over this morning because of... um... reasons. Steel Panther have just made it feel like it was all worth it.

  17. Unicornpiss
    Happy

    misc.

    -The LHC has plenty of expandable storage, though the battery life is probably not all it could be. The camera has fantastic resolution though.

    -My 2-yo Galaxy S5 is nearly a burner phone at this point, albeit with better specs: The value is depreciated, it is my main phone, and it doesn't break easily.

    -Every week we replace 1-3 iPhone 6 devices on which someone has smashed the glass, apparently by looking at them the wrong way.

    -I'm not wearing any pants, though unfortunately I must do so soon.

    1. Guus Leeuw

      Re: misc.

      Dear Sir,

      "-My 2-yo Galaxy S5 is nearly a burner phone at this point, albeit with better specs: The value is depreciated, it is my main phone, and it doesn't break easily."

      Do you find as well, that the S5 gets quite hot sometimes, almost turning itself into a burning phone rather than a burner phone? Well, mine does sometimes...

      Regards,

      Guus

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: misc.

      You know the rules. Pics or it didn't happen.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Moto G LTE model XT1039

    Bought an unlocked used one of these off fleaBay for similar price (sixty odd quid).

    Came with Android Lollipop, which was fine.

    Have since rooted and installed CyanogenMod 13 (Android Marshmallow).

    Works great and found myself using for more than just sports tracking (instead of my main Android phone).

    Not laggy & still competitive.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Moto G LTE model XT1039

      I bought one of those as my flashy top of the range phone (admittedly for $20 because some store did the maths wrong on what it costs to buy out the contract).

      Then I leaned too far off a dock to grab a rope.....

      Now I'm back to my no name Android 4.4 "smart" phone

    2. Potemkine Silver badge

      Re: Moto G LTE model XT1039

      I"ve got the same one and I'm still asking myself why I should have paid more for another more fashonable not-so-smart phone

  19. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "just as you turn on to the motorway and 100 miles from the next service station"

    Which motorway is that? Clearly one to avoid.

    1. Buzzword

      From Reading services on the M4 to Toddington services on the M1 is about 63 miles of motorway driving, with no other services in between. Can any readers beat that?

      1. Known Hero

        Lifted off teh webs

        http://motorwayservicesonline.co.uk/Areas_Without_Services

        It's 81 miles from Toddington on the M1 to the next services as you head south, the little Pease Pottage on the M23.

        depends which way you go round the M25

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          "the M25"

          Definitely one to avoid.

          1. hplasm
            Coat

            "the M25" Definitely one to avoid.

            That, according to pterry* IS a particle accelerator- and seeing as it is chock full of knobs, could be called a Large Hardon Collider...

            *Good Omens, + Neil Gaiman

        2. Tim Hines

          Er... there's South Mimms, Lakeside and Clacket Lane if you go round the east side, and Cobham if you go round the west.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Don't trust teh webs...

          Er... there's South Mimms, Lakeside and Clacket Lane if you go round the east side, and Cobham if you go round the west.

        4. CliveS
          Unhappy

          Once upon a time

          Way back when the M40 had only just opened it was possible to drive from just west of Telford to Folkestone using the M54->M6->M42->M40->M25->M26->M20 without encountering a motorway service area. That was the best part of 250 miles I reckon, but plenty of services on the route now. Which does leave Toddington to Pease Pottage as the current long distance holder

      2. Alistair
        Windows

        @ buzzword

        Dude, yer in england. England would fit in between two cities over here.

  20. goodjudge

    "Sure, I’ll take a look at your crappy little cheapo smartphone, I said. By the time I had phoned around my contacts, only to discover that magazines and websites are no longer interested in reviews of affordable, entry-level kit"

    I am. It sounds very much like the one I bought in September - my selection process was "the cheapest possible thing that actually qualifies as a smartphone and doesn't look like it's going to break within 2 minutes". It replaced the even cheaper, but better, QWERTY Nokia that I unfortunately lost, and which was no longer available on my contract. I'd wager there are many more like me who aren't obsessed with the latest "ooh, shiny". But of course we don't make sufficient money for the marketing spods.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Anyway, shouldn't we be getting back to storage, flash and containserisation now?

    As the market must've moved on drastically in the 16 minutes since the last article.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Anyway, shouldn't we be getting back to storage, flash and containserisation now?

      Don't forget that vitally important (not) yes mysterious thing appearently called DevOps and all things Cloudy

      1. Naselus

        Re: Anyway, shouldn't we be getting back to storage, flash and containserisation now?

        I thought Devops was mostly about storing containers on all-flash arrays in the cloud? Is this the bit where everyone says 'Nutanix' over and over again?

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    20,000 unread emails

    "On Thursday, I’m guessing you spent most of the day explaining to the hapless deskbound masses how to filter their 20,000 unread emails that turned up over the holiday break."

    Thats a point Mr Dabbs, where the hell do those 20,000 emails turn up from - when everyone else was apparently also on holiday??

    Its a bloody conspiracy I tell you!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: 20,000 unread emails

      "where the hell do those 20,000 emails turn up from"

      Out of Office auto-ack storm from a badly configured mail server :-)

    2. 9Rune5

      Re: 20,000 unread emails

      Obviously a handful colleagues save up all their outgoing e-mail for an entire year and chuck it all out in a scripted timely fashion the last week of the year. That way it will appear as if they have been busy at work while the rest were slacking off for xmas.

      1. I am not spartacus

        Re: 20,000 unread emails

        That way it will appear as if they have been busy at work while the rest were slacking off for xmas.

        Err

        That way their e-mails will appear buried in an enormous pile of fetid festive 'offers', and the odds against anyone ever reading beyond the title are really quite long. And, in advanced cases, any tricky questions that later come up can be referred to 'the e-mail that I sent you that you could never be bothered to read'.

  23. Andy Mac

    Mashup

    Now put the Russ Abbott music against the Steel Panther video and I'm in heaven. Some sort of twisted, masochistic heaven, but heaven nonetheless.

    P.S. Note to future self: stop posting on El Reg after drinking.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Party phone needs a party SIM

    The idea of a party phone is a good one. There is also the concept of "night out at theatre phone" which needs to be small, discreet, silent and only really carried in case the car breaks down on the way, or the babysitter rings to ask where the coffee and sugar is. Versus the "waste time at work phone" which has a large screen and large data allowance etc.

    The one thing holding this concept back are the bloody mobile operators of course. What I want is to be able to buy multiple sims for use in multiple devices simultaneously, that share the same number, same minutes and same data. The sim that receives the phone calls is the one in the phone that was most recently turned on.

    Simples.

    1. Kiwi

      Re: Party phone needs a party SIM

      What I want is to be able to buy multiple sims for use in multiple devices simultaneously, that share the same number, same minutes and same data.

      I would so love that! I have a couple of places I visit regularly where having a smartphone is not a smart idea. Got sick of swapping sim between the "this is shit but could save my life and will survive in this environment" phone and the "this qualifies as a smartphone and lets me use the nice BT feature of my stereo among other things" phone. These days the smart phone barely gets touched while the crap one gets used. I could use call forwarding and an extra account, but why should I pay money twice for what really is one connection?

      One of the local telcos was trying to sell my partner and I on us scrapping the landline and having the shop calls routed to our cell phones. Our separate phone #'s would ring simultaneously and whoever answered first got the call. If they can do that, surely they could give us multi device on one account. It doesn't seem that hard (given modern tech and similar product/plan offerings as above), and I can be the first telco to offer that in any country would make a mint.

    2. DainB Bronze badge

      Re: Party phone needs a party SIM

      Any SIM with data plan from any operator plus VOIP service with DID.

      Simples.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Truth in advertising

    "So what [insert name of mystery manufacturer here] has done is design a smartphone that serves a generally similar purpose for the young, self-obsessed, hedonistic, hipster generation, as well as the old, morbidly obese, snot-nosed, entitled generation that can no longer fit into fashionably naked, espadrilled heels, yet want their tech cheerfully cheap, made off the backs of low-income workers while they complain about off-shore job emigration while wondering if said actions will truly increase their stock dividends.

    FIFY

  26. Bbbbit
    Thumb Up

    Dare to dream.

    Russ Abbot and Steel Panther should do a "vs" mash up.

  27. heyrick Silver badge

    Yay!

    I was worried that you might have been a casualty of the "new look".

  28. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
    Happy

    My burner phone -and until not so long my proud main phone- is the lovely Nokia 700. The last of the Symbians, it is (or rather, could have been) a great little piece of kit.

    Last year, it wowed a long time Android user by having.. *grasp*.. offline maps and navigation!

    It really annoys me how market droids, and by extension buyers, get head over heels with the newest smartphone model because it is 1 Angstrom slimmer than last year's model and then encase it in a huge, fugly plastic and plexiglass suit of armor that negates any size reduction and then some... My 700 showed it glorious nakedness for years without fear and once got to swim in an urinal (long story...) only to come out of it reeking but unscathed.

    Why the fsck do one get sentimental over a goddammned phone?

  29. payne747

    Get a Nokia

    Nice to know you're catching up ;)

  30. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    I keep buying cheap phones, I change them like watches

    My latest two over Christmas > one was a mystery brand from China but the real winner as a 'party phone' and all round backup was the €50 I spent on eBay for an old Blackberry 9900. Never mind the features, feel the build quality!

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What's the subject??

    Tell you what though,

    I'd shoot my pistol at a couple of those ladies in the thread photo..

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This video may be inappropriate for some users.

    sign in to confirm your age? To quote Eddie Murphy:

    F*** off!!!

  33. swampdog

    Russ Abbot - awful but cool but good like Ronnie Corbett.

    The 80's were great. I fell out of a 1st floor window onto the roof of my own car just as the father of the "blond twin sisters" was dropping them off. He tried to drive off but both rear doors opened and out they came: "bye dad". I was wearing a Churchill romper suit on account of losing my friend's trail bike into a pond a few hours earlier.

    Me and my mate used to piss about with this car. What can you do with an 850cc "big gearstick" puke coloured mini? Put four bikers into it, play Pinky & Perky and other silly songs. One of those songs was Russ Abbot's & we got to quite like it!

    My mate & I got a date with the pair of unobtainiam sisters on the strength of my roof exploit. My 2.3ltr (only made 500) vauxhall firenza collectors item refused to start on date night so we had to go with my mate's imported "new"(*) mini. Sisters were crammed into the back. He got lost(**) and by the time we got where we were supposed to be food was off.

    (*) He imported belgium mot failure mini's, converted & resprayed them - until the "Q" reg came out, whatever year that was.

    (**) down a dead-end in lincolnshire, stinking of silage.

    Things went downhill from there. The 80's were great because I don't remember them!

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meanwhile, in 5 years

    Remember how office phones developed from expensive boxes to unloved black things? I remember when my father had three phones - outside line, department and the drop-everything direct line from the Above - colour coded. Then along came PABXs.

    Android is going this way and I can well imagine that in 5 years, whatever the benchmarks say, there is going to be hardly any practical differentiation. People may buy phones that are more durable because they will last - technical changes won't make upgrades difficult - but there's not much demand for diamond encrusted Monarch handsets and I can't see much demand for blingphones any more.

    Apple will be completely in the Hertz type business, leasing IT kit and selling insurance. It's almost there now; it buys phones from China and then offers a leasing deal similar to that in the car industry, but with faster turnaround. It will still have US market dominance because of carriers. Perhaps a future Democrat government will have it broken up like AT&T.

    Perhaps we have already reached Peak Shiny Gadget or are close to it. But if my crystal ball had been working I'd have bought AAPL in 2000 and sold in 2014, so I am hardly reliable.

  35. JLV

    impressive memory!

    Oooooh, Dabbsy, you really impress me with the paaaartays.

    And especially you and your mates' ability to remember all of each others' numbers on your new disposable SIMs. No doubt while under the influence of bacteria excrement metabolites.

    I will have another beer and see if it helps me remember my own phone number without looking it up.

    :) 16 all

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: impressive memory!

      Beg your pardon, I didn't realise anyone still put phone numbers on their SIM, other than my Mum.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Second hand ...

    ... but good as box fresh Sony M4 Aqua for under 80 quid including delivery. 6 quid on a nice slice of 9H glass to stick on the front and 3 quid for a rubberised case.

    waterproof (and dustproof), surprisingly shockproof, decent battery life, good screen, fairly excellent camera ... for less than 90. Kids these days don't know they're born.

  37. imanidiot Silver badge

    Damn you Dabbs

    Bravo for writing an article at peak efficiency for driving us all mad wanting to know WHAT it was you reviewed. Are we going to get some more regular SftWS in the coming year or am I going to have to religiously refresh the Reg website every friday in hopes of finding an a BOFH or SftWS article? (Or maybe that's exactly what the Reg is after, sneaky bastards)

  38. cambsukguy

    I treat my phone like crap anyway

    If you have a oldish Lumia like a 920 or even a 1020, you don't worry about your £600 phone cause it only costs £150 to replace. I have dropped both of them more than I can recall.

    Except, of course. It is nice-looking, takes fabulous photos and there is no need to be ashamed of it being seen (despite what people on this site say).

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brief review - LHC

    **

    The model I received first from Amazon was faulty, one of the magnets blew up. I was told I couldn't have an exchange model, it had to be repaired. It took an unacceptably long time. Not long after I got it back it electrocuted my Subway, which was annoying.

    Then it turned out not to be very good for the main reason for which I bought it, it only found one heavy boson and that took a lot of faffing around. So it went back.

    It's now several years later, I've got it back again, it seems to be working this time and it's had an upgrade, but really the manufacturer should have got it right the first time. I don't like being the beta tester.

    So, only two stars. But if the manufacturer can fix updates and customer service I might rate the next one I buy a bit higher.

  40. Alistair
    Windows

    Does it do:

    Dabbsy! welcome back, nice to know you survived the purge.

    Does it:

    run containers?

    have flash storage array controllers?

    run cloud services?

    run in a cloud?

    fart cloud services?

    connect to your cloud or her cloud?

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